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'I was just bricking it for the whole weekend, so nervous, sick with nerves... worried if I make a mistake what are people going to think of me'

By Liam Heagney
Heineken® Champions Cup star and Rugby Players Ireland ambassador Jack Conan pictured before next weekend's Heineken® Champions Cup semi-final action. Heineken® has been a proud partner of European rugby since 1995 and of Rugby Players Ireland since 2017

A distance of 500kms up the A62 is all that separates Castres from La Rochelle but the distance travelled by Jack Conan is a heck of a lot more than these two French rugby towns which currently bookend the Leinster back row’s stellar Heineken Champions Cup career. 

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It was seven years ago at Stade Pierre-Fabre on the banks of the Agout that Conan fleetingly dipped his toe in the water, getting an eight-minute debut off the bench in a nail-biting October 2014 pool contest that eventually swayed the way of Leinster courtesy of Ian Madigan’s accuracy off the kicking tee. 

Jump forward 79 months and next Sunday, May 2, will see Conan sprint out at Stade Marcel-Deflandre on the Bay of Biscay as a very different beast for his 31st appearance in the tournament. He can’t wait. The journey from there to here defines him, the then nerve-stricken 22-year-old at Castres evolving into the established force who is readying for his fourth ever semi-final at the age of 28. 

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Conan still gets big-match nerves – he fears there would be something wrong if he didn’t. But rather than have this edginess negatively affect his performances as it used to, his mind is now steeled and it has become adrenalin he thrives off. “If you don’t get nervous you are in the wrong game,” he replied when quizzed by RugbyPass about how his numerous and varied experiences on the European circuit with the 2018 champions have shaped him.  

“That kind of nerves is always good. It’s something that spurs you on. You don’t want to be consumed by it to the point that it affects your performance but you need that pit in your stomach thinking, ‘Right, this needs to be a big one, I need to be at my absolute best’. It’s something that helps to bring out that level of performance that is needed.”

It tellingly wasn’t always that way. Conan always had the talent but its delivery was sometimes inconsistent at Leinster. His Champions Cup debut under Matt O’Connor is illustrative. “I remember I was rooming with Brian Byrne at the time over in Castres. I was just bricking it for the whole weekend. I was so nervous, sick with nerves.

“I only got a short amount of time in the end. After the game you always enjoy it but beforehand I would have been worried about the outcome, worried about if I don’t do this or make a mistake what are people going to think of me, how is that going to affect me down the line?

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“Now you realise that a mistake just happens and you have got to be prepared and sometimes you just make a mistake because you are trying to express yourself and you are trying to show what you are all about. That’s okay and we are backed to do those things, backed to make mistakes, but it is just not letting it dwell and moving on and being better for it really.”

In the past, those mistakes used to chew him up, gnaw away at his mind and clamp the shackles on. “Early on in my career it was something I let get the better of me,” he admitted.

“I let it affect me to the point of instead of putting myself forward to contribute I’d nearly sink into the background at times. It wasn’t all the time but those are the days you need to come alive and to be at your best. I have been better for it over the last few weeks. I have been enjoying it more and I have been playing better because of it.”

Putting it mildly, injuries have been a pain in the arse for Leinster back row Conan. Just when you think he is set to prosper, a setback smacks him sideways but there is hopefully longevity about what the No8 has been bringing in recent times.

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He was immense in dusting up England in last month’s Guinness Six Nations, his first Ireland start in 18 months, and his rejuvenated punch didn’t end with eclipsing opposite number Billy Vunipola. Munster’s CJ Stander and Exeter’s Sam Simmonds have since experienced first-hand what a full-flight Conan has to offer, performances that suggest the Co Wicklow native is finally flourishing in the peak years of his career.

“I thought you were going to say I’m at the end of my career,” quipped Conan when it was put to him that just six of the Leinster 23 from his European debut are still on the club’s books, a turnover illustrating the sport’s relentless churn in personnel. “Look, it’s not something I have thought about too much. I am not 22, 23 any more but I’m enjoying my rugby more than I ever have and think if I keep that mindset I have got a lot of big days still ahead of me.

“It’s just about performing on the days so I am not thinking about myself, I need to be at the best I have ever been at the moment. I’m just going out and thinking I’m just going to enjoy it, I’m going to roll up my sleeves and I’m going to work hard for the lads. Doing that I know I will be in a good spot because of it. 

“My mantra at the moment is just trying to stay calm so I try not to get too worked up. You know all the hard work is done, know you have pushed yourself in training, know you are physically and mentally ready to perform so don’t doubt yourself. Go out and enjoy it, express yourself, you have been picked for a reason so go out and do what comes naturally to you, work incredibly hard for your teammates around you and you will come out in the right spot. The last few months I have just tried to enjoy every second of it and I have which has been great.”

The Conan reference to Leinster training is significant. Let’s be brutal: the PRO14 remains a tournament where the top-end level of competitiveness leaves much to be desired. It’s reflected in the Leinster dominance, the repeat champions adding a fourth title in a row to their roll of honour last month, and it’s now regularly said that training is of a higher standard than what confronts them on most match weekends. 

“To be fair a lot is down to the coaches,” he explained. “We train at such a high level of speed that when it comes to games it is nearly easier because you can train over speed all week so when it gets to games it is never as quick and you are able to think in those high-pressure moments when you are really fatigued.

“It’s because you have done the work. You have gone and punished yourself on the Monday and the Tuesday, the Thursday of that week and when you are struggling to make sure you are comfortable in those really dark places, that is something we do really well in Leinster and the coaches structure training in a way to bring the best out of people.”

Admittedly, La Rochelle away in a European last-four will be a huge step up from the PRO14 norm but Conan has an unbending faith in what Leinster can deliver, claiming as far back as the defeat in the 2019 final to Saracens that it was only a starting point for this latest team moulded by Leo Cullen, not the end of an era.   

“We have learnt the hard way about how difficult it is to go over there,” he said about next Sunday’s assignment in France. “In 2018 we went over and we had Toulouse which was an eye-opening experience to play those lads over in France. It was an incredibly tough day for us and we hugely underperformed. 

“La Rochelle are a great side, they are playing some fantastic rugby at the moment. Their ability to keep the ball alive and play through contact is second to none. They have got some massive lads with a lot of skill and pace. It’s a huge challenge but it’s something we are going to relish. You all want to go out and beat the best teams, the big championship teams. We wanted to go and play Exeter and beat them and now the likes of La Rochelle and the rest of the teams who are left in the competition are all of extreme quality. 

Jack Conan
Jack Conan sports a cut on his cheek (Photo by Ramsey Cardy/Sportsfile via Getty Images)

“The nature of Leinster rugby is there is always fantastic talent and youth coming through that are going to push you on,” he added, reflecting on his reasons for optimism two years ago when there was a level of doom and gloom surrounding the club regarding how they were physically smothered in the Newcastle decider by Saracens.

“That has been seen in the last two years since then. You have your Caelan Doris, your Will Connors, your Scott Penny, your Ryan Baird and that is in the pack alone. There are other lads coming through, Harry Byrne. Hugo Keenan, who wasn’t involved back then in 2019, lads have gone on to get international caps and become mainstays in Irish rugby.

“You look at Hugo now, he played every minute of the Six Nations. Lads like that are coming through and raising the standard and raising the bar consistently. It’s a journey. We have learned from our mistakes of 2019 and even of 2020 against Saracens and we are better for it.

“It is tough to look back on it and it was tough on the day afterwards when you lost but you have to take those learnings and be better for it. I genuinely do believe we are.”

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Jon 1 hours ago
Jake White: Are modern rugby players actually better?

This is the problem with conservative mindsets and phycology, and homogenous sports, everybody wants to be the same, use the i-win template. Athlete wise everyone has to have muscles and work at the gym to make themselves more likely to hold on that one tackle. Do those players even wonder if they are now more likely to be tackled by that player as a result of there “work”? Really though, too many questions, Jake. Is it better Jake? Yes, because you still have that rugby of ole that you talk about. Is it at the highest International level anymore? No, but you go to your club or checkout your representative side and still engage with that ‘beautiful game’. Could you also have a bit of that at the top if coaches encouraged there team to play and incentivized players like Damian McKenzie and Ange Capuozzo? Of course we could. Sadly Rugby doesn’t, or didn’t, really know what direction to go when professionalism came. Things like the state of northern pitches didn’t help. Over the last two or three decades I feel like I’ve been fortunate to have all that Jake wants. There was International quality Super Rugby to adore, then the next level below I could watch club mates, pulling 9 to 5s, take on the countries best in representative rugby. Rugby played with flair and not too much riding on the consequences. It was beautiful. That largely still exists today, but with the world of rugby not quite getting things right, the picture is now being painted in NZ that that level of rugby is not required in the “pathway” to Super Rugby or All Black rugby. You might wonder if NZR is right and the pathway shouldn’t include the ‘amateur’, but let me tell you, even though the NPC might be made up of people still having to pull 9-5s, we know these people still have dreams to get out of that, and aren’t likely to give them. They will be lost. That will put a real strain on the concept of whether “visceral thrill, derring-do and joyful abandon” type rugby will remain under the professional level here in NZ. I think at some point that can be eroded as well. If only wanting the best athlete’s at the top level wasn’t enough to lose that, shutting off the next group, or level, or rugby players from easy access to express and showcase themselves certainly will. That all comes back around to the same question of professionalism in rugby and whether it got things right, and rugby is better now. Maybe the answer is turning into a “no”?

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j
john 4 hours ago
Will the Crusaders' decline spark a slow death for New Zealand rugby?

But here in Australia we were told Penney was another gun kiwi coach, for the Tahs…….and yet again it turned out the kiwi coach was completely useless. Another con job on Australian rugby. As was Robbie Deans, as was Dave Rennie. Both coaches dumped from NZ and promoted to Australia as our saviour. And the Tahs lap them up knowing they are second rate and knowing that under pressure when their short comings are exposed in Australia as well, that they will fall in below the largest most powerful province and choose second rate Tah players to save their jobs. As they do and exactly as Joe Schmidt will do. Gauranteed. Schmidt was dumped by NZ too. That’s why he went overseas. That why kiwi coaches take jobs in Australia, to try and prove they are not as bad as NZ thought they were. Then when they get found out they try and ingratiate themselves to NZ again by dragging Australian teams down with ridiculous selections and game plans. NZ rugby’s biggest problem is that it can’t yet transition from MCaw Cheatism. They just don’t know how to try and win on your merits. It is still always a contest to see how much cheating you can get away with. Without a cheating genius like McCaw, they are struggling. This I think is why my wise old mate in NZ thinks Robertson will struggle. The Crusaders are the nursery of McCaw Cheatism. Sean Fitzpatrick was probably the father of it. Robertson doesn’t know anything else but other countries have worked it out.

15 Go to comments
A
Adrian 5 hours ago
Will the Crusaders' decline spark a slow death for New Zealand rugby?

Thanks Nick The loss of players to OS, injury and retirement is certainly not helping the Crusaders. Ditto the coach. IMO Penny is there to hold the fort and cop the flak until new players and a new coach come through,…and that's understood and accepted by Penny and the Crusaders hierarchy. I think though that what is happening with the Crusaders is an indicator of what is happening with the other NZ SRP teams…..and the other SRP teams for that matter. Not enough money. The money has come via the SR competition and it’s not there anymore. It's in France, Japan and England. Unless or until something is done to make SR more SELLABLE to the NZ/Australia Rugby market AND the world rugby market the $s to keep both the very best players and the next rung down won't be there. They will play away from NZ more and more. I think though that NZ will continue to produce the players and the coaches of sufficient strength for NZ to have the capacity to stay at the top. Whether they do stay at the top as an international team will depend upon whether the money flowing to SRP is somehow restored, or NZ teams play in the Japan comp, or NZ opts to pick from anywhere. As a follower of many sports I’d have to say that the organisation and promotion of Super Rugby has been for the last 20 years closest to the worst I’ve ever seen. This hasn't necessarily been caused by NZ, but it’s happened. Perhaps it can be fixed, perhaps not. The Crusaders are I think a symptom of this, not the cause

15 Go to comments
T
Trevor 8 hours ago
Will forgotten Wallabies fit the Joe Schmidt model?

Thanks Brett.. At last a positive article on the potential of Wallaby candidates, great to read. Schmidt’s record as an international rugby coach speaks for itself, I’m somewhat confident he will turn the Wallaby’s fortunes around …. on the field. It will be up to others to steady the ship off the paddock. But is there a flaw in my optimism? We have known all along that Australia has the players to be very competitive with their international rivals. We know that because everyone keeps telling us. So why the poor results? A question that requires a definitive answer before the turn around can occur. Joe Schmidt signed on for 2 years, time to encompass the Lions tour of 2025. By all accounts he puts family first and that’s fair enough, but I would wager that his 2 year contract will be extended if the next 18 months or so shows the statement “Australia has the players” proves to be correct. The new coach does not have a lot of time to meld together an outfit that will be competitive in the Rugby Championship - it will be interesting to see what happens. It will be interesting to see what happens with Giteau law, the new Wallaby coach has already verbalised that he would to prefer to select from those who play their rugby in Australia. His first test in charge is in July just over 3 months away .. not a long time. I for one wish him well .. heaven knows Australia needs some positive vibes.

21 Go to comments
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