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Louise McMillan: 'It was probably one of the toughest moments.'
By Joe Harvey
Captaining Saracens to the PWR Cup final has been an unexpected source of joy for Louise McMillan.
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The 28-year-old has skippered a side made up of experienced heads and emerging talent to a winner-takes-all clash against London rivals Harlequins at StoneX Stadium this Saturday afternoon.
In May the 58-cap Scotland forward saw her international career end abruptly when she was omitted from the nation’s training squad for the 2025 Women’s Rugby World Cup.
Throughout the past five months since that immense disappointment, McMillan has been able to lean on her club as a constant source of support from the day she was told that her time in Test rugby was at an end. It is one of the reasons why captaining the side in the amuse-bouche to the 2025/26 Premiership Women’s Rugby season has meant so much to her.
“I actually found out as I was headed to Sarries training,” McMillan told RugbyPass. “It was one of those things that I was like, ‘I’m going to digest this myself, I’m not going to tell anybody, get through this training session and then I can work it out’.
“As soon as I walked into the gym, somebody asked me how I was, and I was in tears within 30 seconds. It was probably one of the toughest moments.
“Everyone in that gym session made a point to come over, hug me and speak to me. So much that I probably didn’t do that much lifting in the gym that day.
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“I know Saracens has this reputation of being a hard bunch, but it was this true feeling of family. Because maybe even the girls that I’m not so close with just taking the time to come over and put their arms around me, to build me back up again – the girls were incredible.
“Our forwards coach, Mo (Botha), has put such effort into me because at the time I was dropped it was this weird stage where Sarries weren’t close to being done. We had loads of games to play.
“He made such an effort to build me up and really instil confidence. That’s what I needed.”
By the season’s end McMillan had been awarded Players’ Player of the Season for her efforts.
Not just a symbol of admiration from her teammates for their Glaswegian lock forward, it was also a pledge of undying support.
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Over the past few months, the 28-year-old has moved along with her life. She now works full-time as an operations analyst in the City and will spend her days “working from home” at StoneX Stadium before taking part in training sessions.
This new day to day life has contributed significantly to the healing process of the past five months.
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“I’ve really tried not to speak too much publicly about it, because I like to think that I can walk away thinking nobody doubted that I gave my all to my country,” McMillan said.
“The lasting image of myself playing for Scotland is that. I’ve been so afraid to speak or say anything because I don’t want to be labelled as this scornful, angry, bitter person that can’t accept they’ve been dropped.
“There’s so much in my life that has changed. Now I have gone back to a professional career, rugby has almost become a hobby again.
“Life has changed so much that it is not at that heartbreak stage anymore. It’s definitely painful to look back on. But I’m almost at peace with the rugby side of it.”
Another step on the journey has been gaining the PWR Cup captaincy. Getting to lead North London’s original club has offered yet another outlet for McMillan to express herself.
The 28-year-old has led a squad that not only contains experienced Red Roses like Poppy and Bryony Cleall, Liz Crake, Ella Wyrwas, Sydney Gregson and Sarah McKenna, but promising age grade internationals Joia Bennett, Amelia MacDougall and Tori Sellors.
It has been a fulfilling seven weeks for McMillan, who has been the face of the club that provided so much support to her throughout a period of sadness.
“When Alex (Austerberry, Saracens Women’s Director of Rugby) first asked me if I’d like to be captain, I was really honoured and it’s something that I honestly never really thought would happen,” McMillan said.
“At Sarries you’re just surrounded by some of the very best players in the world and having the opportunity to lead some of those girls is incredible.
“It’s a huge honour. Sarries is this world renowned brand and to have your name attached to that is really cool. Especially for my family it means so much.
“They’re such a proud rugby family – everyone talks about how hard it is for you when you get dropped from your national team, but people don’t think about the family and how much that means to them. It almost becomes their identity a little bit.
“To have this opportunity to buy into another tournament, it means so much and they’re so unbelievably proud. To have that kind of pick-up from your club, who are like, ‘actually we think you’re quite good and we want you to lead the girls’, it really does help.”
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Lifting the PWR Cup will be the perfect start to a season which Saracens hope can end with regaining the English league title.
It has been three years since the side were PWR champions. While that would be a blip to many, it is a painstakingly long time for a club that started the Premier 15s era as back-to-back champions.
Runners-up in the league last term, McMillan sees her team’s early season form as integral to any hopes of silverware which the side harbour.
Still without their record 15 players that competed in the Women’s Rugby World Cup final at the end of September, it is a chance to prove that the wider squad can win trophies without their star internationals.
And is another thing that will drive competition for places through the roof when the likes of Sophie de Goede, Zoe Harrison, Jess Breach and Marlie Packer get back into the thick of things.
“Poppy (Cleall) said it the other day in a training session, we just want to prove that we can win in those big moments,” McMillan said.
“It’s not good enough for us as a club just to get to finals. We want to win in these big moments. It’s so important that not just a few girls in the squad know how to do that, but every person that shows up to training on a Tuesday and Thursday night.
“We really want to improve that our entire squad has that ability, that killer mentality, which kind of makes Sarries so special as a club.”
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