'This has been one of the toughest years of my life': Nehe Milner-Skudder opens up about mental struggles throughout injury-plagued career
Former All Blacks wing Nehe Milner-Skudder has opened up about going into “dark places” in what he described as “one of the toughest years” of his life.
Speaking at the opening of New Zealand’s first Suicide Prevention Office as an ambassador for Headfirst, Milner-Skudder shared his personal experiences about the difficulties of dealing with the constant raft of injuries that have plagued him since he first burst onto the international scene four years ago.
The 28-year-old made his All Blacks debut in 2015 after barnstorming campaigns with Manawatu and the Hurricanes, and went on to play a starring role in New Zealand’s World Cup victory that year.
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Famous for his wicked sidestep, Milner-Skudder also claimed the inaugural World Rugby Breakthrough Player of the Year award, but his budding career hit a standstill in the ensuing four years as constant injuries started to take its toll on the speedster.
After scoring eight tries in his first eight tests in 2015, the Taihape native only managed five more appearances for the All Blacks between 2016 and 2018, with his last outing coming during the All Blacks’ 69-31 win over Japan in Tokyo last November.
A persistent shoulder has since thwarted his chances to taking to the field at all this year, meaning he didn’t get another opportunity to play one last time for Manawatu, the Hurricanes or the All Blacks.
“For me, personally this has been one of the toughest years in my life, my career to date,” he said on Wednesday.
“Some of you may have noticed I haven’t taken the field at all this year, to not be able to do something or to do what you love doing… I really struggled.
“Out of all the injuries I’ve suffered, the many setbacks I’ve had in my career this was by far the hardest to digest.”
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“I’d built up in my head what this year was going to look like and I watched it shatter in pieces right in front of me and there was nothing I could do about it.”
The 13-test star said despite finding way to help to deal with the issues he encountered, he “still felt myself going into some pretty dark places”.
“I started to get these negative thoughts about being judged, distancing myself from others out of fear of what they might think, how it’d be played out in the media. It all took its toll.”
“Although I’ve gone through these challenging times, I know I’m way better equipped to cope and work through them.
“I know what it feels like to get down, but I also know I am one of the few extremely lucky and privilege to have the resources to help me.”
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Milner-Skudder said he wanted to ensure that others had access to the resources that have been available to him throughout his career.
“My rugby career has taught me we all feel pressure and anxiety and we all get down at times, it’s easy to bottle things up, I’ve seen the negative effects that can have on myself and my teammates.”
He described his role with Headfirst, an organisation which provides mental health help and wellness to rugby players, as “humbling”.
“Through this work I’ve discovered a lot about myself, and also realised things need to change around the stigma around mental health, masculinity in society and rugby. Being part of that change has been bloody important to me.”
“Many of the participants, many of my teammates have come from the most at risk demographic, young, male Maori and Pasifika.”
“It breaks me saying that.”
The inauguration of the Suicide Prevention Office, launched to help lower New Zealand’s suicide rate, went alongside a community suicide prevention fund of $12 million for Maori and Pacific people.
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It’ll be very interesting to see how Razor’s AB’s handle the new England rush D. It’s basically the Bok recipe they copied, so if England goes well then we know most likely the Boks will go well too. If England cops a hiding then we’ll have to study and adapt.
4 Go to commentsTypical trait of an australian is to moan. Goes well with there lack of humbleness as evident by the Reds bench on the weekend.
2 Go to commentsSBW’s bro’town commentary and lazy default to hyperbole should be ignored, a technical analyst he is not. Sotutu is a good player when games get goosey loosey, high skill set that fans of Zinzan recall with starry eyes. But you need power and mongrel at no8 in the Test arena and Sotutu gets found wanting there, much like Akira Ioane. No8’s like Zinzan and Ardie have bucketloads of mongrel and power and tenacity which allow the skill sets to flourish.
11 Go to commentsAn inside pass to attacker on the angle can make a drift defence look lead footed. Relies on fleet footed forward/s to get across from the breakdown. An argument for the smaller faster 7 perhaps?
4 Go to commentsSensational tackle. The reds one was late and rightly penalised. The other two were simultaneous with the pass. If nitpicking TMOs can’t find fault there clearly isn’t any.
2 Go to commentsBrumbies fully deserved their win on the back of their physicality and desire to control the ball. Xavier Numia, Asafo Aumua and Tyrel Lomax should be the ABs starting front row when we start our test schedule. They have “come of age” and have bested all they have faced as well as been dominant with ball in hand in making the gainline. With De Groot, Tamaiti Williams and Fletcher Newell backed up by Taukei'aho and Cody Taylor there's not an international front row that can trouble us. Can't wait to face the Boks over there, won't be no one point game this time.
5 Go to commentsKinda strange that he wasn’t with a premiership team or a higher level of rugby? Start playing late or something? With that kind of size and athleticism you’d think someone would have picked him up?
2 Go to commentsShows how much attitude matters. Last week the Brumbies got done, this week they dominated the tournament leaders, who were likely thinking they could cruise to victory.
5 Go to commentsA Turtle has more pace and leg drive than Owen Franks, so it’s a good thing he only had to run 90 metres for that try.
2 Go to commentsOh Tamati Tua was in the vastly over-rated Leon MacDonalds Blues system? Well, no wonder he was wasted, much like Emoni Narawa and Jacob Ratumaitavuki-Kneepkens under MacDonald. now look at them. Good thing Tua isn’t eligible, the Aussies latch on to any player who isn’t tied down.
5 Go to commentsMark Telea is a lot of things, but a defensive juggernaut has never been one of them. There will be far bigger tests in that regard for the youngster.
11 Go to commentsLove and respect to Fiji but not a chance outside of 7s
4 Go to commentsGood summation Ned. Agree the Canes were out-muscled for once (except at the scrum!) by a focused Brumbies outfit. Tua deserves consideration for higher honors after the way he humbled Jordie and the Canes defense. Thankfully, his lack of eligibility for Oz keeps him from Joe’s plans. While I also agree the injuries affected the Canes performance, some players seemed to lack focus and intensity for this match. Perhaps after the Blues demolished the Brumbies, they thought it was going to be easy? A good reminder that any slip up in preparation can have a big affect on the result. Brumbies deserved that win.
5 Go to commentsKarl Dixon should never have been appointed this fixture, absolute disgrace, He’s not much of a referee anyway, didn't have the balls to send his mate care off
5 Go to commentsBrilliant article! Harry of 8/9
4 Go to comments‘UK athletes' have been in the NFL from the start.
2 Go to commentsIt’s going to be Scott Barrett. He’s the coaches mate and captain of a previously elite team. Ardie a great option but scooter has worked with the coach and Ardie still as big a leader as needed.
23 Go to commentsI commend Colin Scotts bio All Balls. He was the first Aussie to make it to NFL. But he was poached and did a full apprenticeship at the University of Hawaii. He was 130kgs surfed played 1st grade cricket etc. big guy by normal but not NFL standards and a top athlete. Even then the nfl were picking up Tongans and Samoans for their natural size and explosive power. They want explosive power not cardio from the big boys so a guy like Taniela Tupou would have been good if picked up young enough. He has fast twitch and they’d bulk the little lad up and give him something to do. soccer teams set up academies and look for Over Sara’s talent eg Messi was at Barcelona since a teenager and harry kewell went to Leeds as a teenager like 16 or something.
11 Go to commentsThe article alludes to the fact that this isn’t about picking a captain. But picking a great captain. So who would make for a great All Black captain - not just an obvious or safe shoo-in? I’m not sure Ardie’s the guy and Barret doesn’t stand out either.
23 Go to commentsI guess we may all agree on the fact, that the ABs and Boks are the two in contest for No 1 in rugby history (the triple-A sort of) …. the Wallabies, England and France are the next tier, with Ireland being the new kid in town (AA) …. in my view it makes little sense creating imaginary competitions (unless you have too much time to waste)
45 Go to comments