A Field Guide To The Worst, Most Ineffective, Not To Mention Dangerous Tackling Techniques In Rugby

Tackling is one of rugby’s core skills, but it’s not as easy as it sounds. Rugby anthropologist Lee Calvert has identified and given name to ten of the most common bad tackling styles seen in amateur games around the world.

1. Statue: Feet planted like they have been welded to the floor, arms locked in action figure position waiting to meet the ball carrier head on. This position is usually adopted when the carrier is still about twelve metres away, so is only of use for tackling forwards who don’t understand the words nor the concept of “side step”.

2. M.M.Apocalypse: One bloke on the team, usually your openside, will be a UFC fan who has started learning Jiu Jitsu or some other form of MMA. He will use this to grip and spin the ball-carrier in such a way that both end up on the ground with their spines intertwined like a particularly disturbing scene from a torture-porn-horror movie. Pretending to be injured not applicable in this case.

3. Flopwave: The purpose of the side-on tackle is taking the runner at the hip as he passes, using the ring of steel hand lock to grip his running legs and bring him down. However, that is for competent players – in the hands of the amateur player this more closely resembles flopping against the ball carrier as he passes and dangling one arm in front of his legs as he boots it out of the way. Usually followed by tackler pretending to be injured.

4. Teeth Relocator: You’ve just expended all of your energy chasing down a break, you make one last-ditch dive to tackle him from behind, but instead you end up falling towards his legs and he rearranges your dentistry with his studs. If by some stroke of your luck your teeth do survive intact, pretend to be injured while you suck in air like you are living in an airlock.

5. Ghost Tackle: One player never shuts up about defence – he calls the defensive line-up, talks about gaps and patterns, and calls you out, along the lines of “Oi! Me and you are hitting that Big Bastard next time he carries, SET! IN!” You move up with him, but he pulls out just before contact, leaving you to wear the full, hideous extent of the aforementioned Big Bastard’s carry. He returns to the line to shout some more and rerun the whole sequence with someone else while you pretend to be injured. One day, someone will watch him closely and realise that despite being “the defensive leader” he hasn’t actually made a tackle since 2009.

6. Windpipe: If all else fails, the throat punch straight arm will get you there.

7. Trip: “He’s stepping left, no right, no left, yes left, no right! Bollocks to it!” Flying leg scissors follows, then pretending to be injured, obviously.

8. Ankle-flap: Like an ankle tap, expect it misses and the tackler ends up on the floor looking like a mole desperately trying to dig itself back underground. Again, usually followed by pretending to be injured.

9. The Hinderer: You all know a player who has used this tackle for the entirety of their rugby career. The tackle that does not bring anyone down, merely hinders their forward movement slightly. Pretending to be injured is a large part of the aftermath of this.

10. Truck & Trailer: Front-on tackle turns into a Hinderer, but the tackler manages to grip the bottom of the back of the carrier’s shirt and pulls down. Carrier keeps running, tackler is pulled along for a bit then falls into a Teeth Relocator or an Ankle Flap, then pretends to be injured. It’s more beautiful than ballet.