Ex-prop Alexander posts powerful thread on beating 'deep depression'
Former Wallabies prop Ben Alexander has written a powerful twelve-tweet thread revealing that he became deeply depressed during the pandemic and explaining how he reacted to beat it. The ex-tighthead, who won 72 caps for his country between 2008 and 2014, retired from playing after participating in the 2018 Super Rugby tournament with the Brumbies.
A Wallabies pick at the 2011 Rugby World Cup and for the 2013 series versus the British and Irish Lions, Alexander exited the game having already set up a prosperous pub business but the enforced lockdown in Australia affected his mental health and he has now opened up about the helpful measures he took to combat his deep depression.
“Twelve months ago, I was burnout from the pandemic impacting my pub and fell into a deep depression,” began the 38-year-old in his Twitter thread. “But fortunately, I recovered in three months. Here’s what I did: I accepted something had to change.
“I had been doing everything I could to look after my health and kept telling myself I was OK. But once I hit rock bottom, I realised I couldn’t keep going how I was going and had to accept that I didn’t have all the answers. I needed help.
“I told people I trust I was struggling. I told my wife and dad. I didn’t beat around the bush. I didn’t know how to get better, but I needed their help to figure out the next step. Which they did and reassured me that things would work out.
1. I accepted something had to change.
I’d been doing everything I could to look after my health and kept telling myself I was ok.
But once I hit rock bottom, I realised I couldn’t keep going how I was going and had to accept that I didn’t have all the answers.
I needed help.
— Ben Alexander (@benny_alexander) January 12, 2023
“I walked regularly with someone. At the same time each morning, I went for a walk with my dad and brothers and the combination of routine, fresh air and exercise made it easier for me to talk and get everything out that was inside my head. I did everything I could to get sleep.
“I think depression is when your brain runs out of energy, so I focused on doing what I could to recharge it. I cut coffee, sugar, alcohol, pulled back on work and watched NBA. All of which had me sleeping like a baby within days.
“I got professional help. I reached out to the Brumbies and the team doctor made time to see me, even though he was busy and it had been years since I was his responsibility. The player welfare manager also made an appointment for me to see a psychologist. Thanks QB and Steve!
“I learned I had developed unhelpful patterns of thinking. With the help of the psych, I realised I was ruminating, catastrophising and worrying about things outside my control. All of which are wastes of energy and led to my depression. How you think impacts how you feel.
“I took medication. I was very hesitant to try these as I had heard stories of people becoming addicted. But once I was told I should look at them like a cast for a broken arm and only temporary, I gave them a go.
“I wouldn’t say they fixed things, but they played a part in my recovery and I took them for about six weeks. Finally, I went and did something new. Once I was feeling a bit better, I decided it was time for a change so I could learn some new skills.
“The Dock no longer needed much of my attention, so I got a job at KPMG doing change management and haven’t looked back. Now I’m back at the Dock a day a week and sharing what I have learned from working at a Big 4 consultancy firm – and I’m the happiest I have been in ten years.
“Anyways, thought I’d write this for anyone out there who is struggling or knows someone doing it tough. Things will get better.”
Comments on RugbyPass
harry potter is set in stone. he creates stability and finishes well. exactly what schmidt likes. he’s the ben smith of australian rugby. i think it could quite easily be potter toole and kellaway for the foreseeable future.
5 Go to commentsThis is short sighted from Clayton if you ask me, smacks of too much preseason planning and no adaptability. What if DMac is out for a must win match, are they still only going to bring their best first five and playmaker on late in the game? Trusting the game to someone who wasn’t even part of planning (they would have had Trask pinned in as Jacomb preseason). Perhaps if the Crusaders were better they would not have done this, but either way imo you take this opportunity to play a guy you might need starting in a final rather than having their 12th game getting comfortable coming off the bench.
1 Go to commentsThanks Brett.. At last a positive article on the potential of Wallaby candidates, great to read. Schmidt’s record as an international rugby coach speaks for itself, I’m somewhat confident he will turn the Wallaby’s fortunes around …. on the field. It will be up to others to steady the ship off the paddock. But is there a flaw in my optimism? We have known all along that Australia has the players to be very competitive with their international rivals. We know that because everyone keeps telling us. So why the poor results? A question that requires a definitive answer before the turn around can occur. Joe Schmidt signed on for 2 years, time to encompass the Lions tour of 2025. By all accounts he puts family first and that’s fair enough, but I would wager that his 2 year contract will be extended if the next 18 months or so shows the statement “Australia has the players” proves to be correct. The new coach does not have a lot of time to meld together an outfit that will be competitive in the Rugby Championship - it will be interesting to see what happens. It will be interesting to see what happens with Giteau law, the new Wallaby coach has already verbalised that he would to prefer to select from those who play their rugby in Australia. His first test in charge is in July just over 3 months away .. not a long time. I for one wish him well .. heaven knows Australia needs some positive vibes.
21 Go to commentsWhat a load of bollocks. The author has forgotten to mention the fact that the Crusaders have a huge injury toll with top world class players out. Not to mention the fact that they are obviously in a transition period. No this will not spark a slow death for NZ rugby, but it does mean there will be a new Super Rugby champion. Anyone who knows anything about NZ rugby knows that there is some serious talent here, it just isn’t all at the Crusaders.
2 Go to commentsI wouldn’t spend the time on Nawaqanitawase! No point in having him filling in a jersey when he’s committed to leave Union. Give the jersey to a young prospect who will be here in the future.
5 Go to commentsIt was a pleasure to watch those guys playing with such confidence. That trio can all be infuriating for different reasons and I can see why Jones might have decided against them. No way to justify leaving Ikitau out though. Jorgensen and him were both scheduled to return at the same time. Only one of them plays for Randwick and has a dad who is great mates with the national coach though.
53 Go to commentsBrayden Iose and Peter Lakai are very exciting Super Rugby players but are too short and too light to ever be a Test 8 vs South Africa, France, Ireland, and England, Lakai could potentially be a Test player at 7 if he is allowed to focus on 7 for Hurricanes.
7 Go to commentsPencils “Thomas du Toit” into possible 2027 Bok squad.
1 Go to commentsDon’t see why Harrison makes the bench. Jones can play at 10 if needed, and there is a good case for starting her there to begin with if testing combinations. That would leave room for Sing on the bench
1 Go to commentsWhat a load of old bull!
1 Go to commentsOf the rugby I’ve born witness to in my lifetime - 1990 to date - I recognize great players throughout those years. But I have no doubt the game and the players are on average better today. So I doubt going back further is going to prove me wrong. The technical components of the game, set pieces, scrums, kicks, kicks at goal. And in general tactics employed are far more efficient, accurate and polished. Professional athletes that have invested countless hours on being accurate. There is one nation though that may be fairly competitive in any era - and that for me is the all blacks. And New Zealand players in general. NZ produces startling athletes who have fantastic ball skills. And then the odd phenomenon like Brooke. Lomu. Mcaw. Carter. Better than comparing players and teams across eras - I’ve often had this thought - that it would be very interesting to have a version of the game that is closer to its original form. What would the game look like today if the rules were rolled back. Not rules that promote safety obviously - but rules like: - a try being worth 1 point and conversion 2 points. Hence the term “try”. Earning a try at goals. Would we see more attacking play? - no lifting in the lineouts. - rucks and break down laws in general. They looked like wrestling matches in bygone eras. I wonder what a game applying 1995 rules would look like with modern players. It may be a daft exercise, but it would make for an interesting spectacle celebrating “purer” forms of the game that roll back the rules dramatically by a few versions. Would we come to learn that some of the rules/combinations of the rules we see today have actually made the game less attractive? I’d love to see an exhibition match like that.
29 Go to commentsIrish Rugby CEO be texting Andy Farrell “Andy, i found our next Kiwi Irishman”
5 Go to commentsI certainly don’t miss drinking beers at 8am in the morning watching rugby games being played in NZ.
1 Go to commentsThis looks like a damage limitation exercise for Wales, keeping back some of their more effective players for the last 20/25 minutes to try and counter England’s fresh legs so the Red Roses don’t rack up a big score.
1 Go to commentsVery unlikely the Bulls will beat Leinster in Dublin. It would be different in Pretoria.
1 Go to commentsI think it is a dangerous path to go down to ban a player for the same period that a player they injured takes to recover. Players would be afraid to tackle anyone. I once tackled my best friend at school in a practice match and sprained his ankle. I paid for it by having to play fly-half instead of full-back for the rest of that season’s fixtures.
5 Go to commentsJust such a genuine good bloke…and probably the best all round player in his generation. Good guys do come first sometimes and he handled the W.Cup loss with great attitude.
2 Go to commentsWord in France is that he’s on the radar of a few Top14 clubs.
5 Go to commentsGet blocking Travis, this guy has styles and he’s gonna make a swift impact…!
1 Go to commentsWhat remorse? She claimed that her dangerous tackle wasn’t worthy of a red! She should be compensating the injured player for loss of earnings at the minimum. Her ban should include the recovery time of the injured player as well as the paltry 3 match ban.
5 Go to comments