The Six Types of Six Nations Rugby Fans
So the Six Nations has settled into a nice little groove and Super Rugby has returned in earnest. The first shoots of springtime are starting to emerge in my neck of the woods, like tiny green Alien chest-bursters exploding through the planet’s John Hurt. Springtime, as we all know, is the perfect time of year to go out unto the world and observe nature in all its splendour, so what better excuse to compile this handy guide to all the different species of Rugby Fans? Take a look and see if you can spot one of these lurking at the end of your garden/pub.
The Armchair Analyst
Rugosa Dilettante
This specimen is amongst the most common but least productive of all Rugby Fans, and has undoubtedly crossed your path at some point recently. Individuals of this species engage in frequent periods of rugby observation, only to regularly interject with cries of derision at every decision made by players and coaches. An extremely vocal assertion of coaching expertise seems at odds with their day job as a team leader in a medium sized financial services organisation, but nonetheless they seem to know exactly why a team should have kicked for the corner instead of taking the points.
Typical Behaviour
- “Hmm…not sure I’d have done that”
- “They need to move him to blindside and focus on the exit strategy.”
- “What was Schmidt thinking taking Sexton off that early?”
The Drinker
Rugosa Cerevisia
At least one or two of these species are present at every rugby venue with an alcohol license. Such individuals never miss a single game; despite the fact they seem to possess absolutely no knowledge about the teams playing or indeed rugby itself. They do, however know how to carry six pints in each hand and thus are a highly valued addition to any group of spectators. Despite the heavy alcohol consumption common throughout the rugby world, The Drinker is distinguishable from the rest of the fans by the fact that they have no strong opinions on Dylan Hartley whatsoever, having saved the precious cognitive resources required for hatred/admiration for calculating the optimum alcohol content to price ratio in each bar.
Typical Behaviour
- “Which ones are we?”
- “Save my seat, I need a slash”
- “FOUR AND TWENTY VIRGINS CAME DOWN FROM INVERNESS…”
The Grandma
Rugosa Nervosa
Claims to love rugby but watches it exclusively through fingers whilst muttering “oh this is too tense”. Busies self in the kitchen during important penalty kicks. Can occasionally be spotted cheering or booing replays, having failed to notice the original play due to hiding behind the sofa. This might just be my grandma actually.
Typical Behaviour
- [19-19 in the 75th minute] “I’ll stick the kettle on”
- “This is very violent isn’t it?”
- “HIT HIM! HIT HIM YOU $@%! *Ahem*. Sorry about that”
The Grizzled Veteran
Rugosa Jurassica
Held together with duct tape and prayers, this species is marked by its ability to compare every single thing they see on a rugby field with a particular incident harking back to their playing days. Individuals of this species have a tendency to horrify observers with gruesome tales of injury and woe, as well as the time they went unbeaten on that tour of North Wales back in ’79 and scored the match-winning try against Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogogoch RFC whilst on fire. Note that all specimens found of this species have been forwards – presumably backs spent so much time trying not to mess up their hair that they can’t remember anything about actually playing the game.
Typical Behaviour
- “Ah that reminds me of the time…”
- “You know, I played against his dad once.”
- “Pfft… This lot are so soft nowadays. It’s only a broken leg for crying out loud!”
The Encyclopedia
Rugosa Inutilis
Often mistaken for The Armchair Analyst, this species can be distinguished by the fact that they actually have a clue what they’re on about. Possessed with infinite knowledge of statistics, records and trivia about seemingly everyone to ever set foot on a rugby field, they are nonetheless completely useless in providing any meaningful contribution outside of a pub quiz setting. Fraudulent examples can be spotted by their surreptitious browsing of Wikipedia during matches.
Typical Behaviour
- “Did you know he was joint top try scorer for the Kingsthorpe RFC Under 14s side in 1998?”
- “Maro Itoje hasn’t lost a match since 1908”
- “They’ve never come back from a deficit of this size against an opposition with the letter ‘Y’ in their name during a full moon”
The Internet Fan
Rugosa Insociabilis
Remarkably intelligent and handsome, this species of Rugby Fan nonetheless spends their time reading obvious clickbait about crude rugby stereotypes written by an equally nerdy individual. They regularly engage in heated vitriolic “debates” about the game, and certain members of this species will occasionally venture outside their rugby territory in an attempt to enrage fans of other sports. They can however be soothed by sharing videos of big hits or Nigel Owens’ on-field banter.
Typical Behaviour
- Following @RugbyPass on Twitter
- Liking Rugby Pass on Facebook
- Signing up to Rugby Pass for the low, low price of $19.99 a month
Comments on RugbyPass
I wonder what impact Samson has had on their attack, as the team seems less prone to trundle it up the middle, take the tackle and then trundle it up again. I lost faith in the coach last year as the Rebelss looked like a 2nd/3rd rate South African team. I also disliked Gordon standing back, often ignored as the forward battle went on and on. Maybe its our Aussie way of not getting off our A***’s until the enemy is at the gate.
83 Go to commentsThanks for the write up. Great to see the Rebs winning, I am a little interested in how they will go against the remaining kiwi teams, I think they’ve only played Hurricanes and Highlanders but how great to see these players performing!! I also see Parling has a job beyond June 30! A good move by RA? Also how do you fix the Rebels previously scratchy defence?
83 Go to commentsbe smart - go black
13 Go to commentsNext week the Crusaders hopefully have Scott Barrett back. Will be great to have the captain back. Hopefully he will be the All Black captain as well.
12 Go to commentsExciting place to be for the young fella. I expected he was French Polynesian when I saw him included in the France 6N squad (after seeing him in NZs), and therefor be strong grounds we might loose him to rugby down here. Good, in that he is good enough to warrant such a profile, and from a journalism’s fan interaction aspect, to finally get a back ground story on the fella. Hope he has settled into NZ OK and that at least one rugby country will fit with him to help his development, which, if so, he should surely continue for a few years, and then that he can experience France to it’s fullest with a bit more maturity and less reliance on family than you would have at his current age. A good 3 or 4 years before he would be ready for International duty if he wanted to wait. Of course he already sounds good enough to accept a call up, and to cap himself, in the more immediate future (he’d have to be very very good in the case of the ABs), and he’ll get a great taste of that being with the Canes who have a bunch who are just a few years further into their career and looking likely Internationals themselves.
13 Go to commentsI remember towards the end of the original broadcasting deal for Super rugby with Newscorp that there was talk about the competition expanding to improve negotiations for more money - more content, more cash. Professional rugby was still in its infancy then and I held an opposing view that if Super rugby was a truly valuable competition then it should attract more broadcasters to bid for the rights, thereby increasing the value without needing to add more teams and games. Unfortunately since the game turned professional, the tension between club, talent and country has only grown further. I would argue we’re already at a point in time where the present is the future. The only international competitions that matter are 6N, RC and RWC. The inter-hemisphere tours are only developmental for those competitions. The games that increasingly matter more to fans, sponsors and broadcasters are between the clubs. Particularly for European fans, there are multiple competitions to follow your teams fortunes every week. SA is not Europe but competes in a single continental competition, so the travel component will always be an impediment. It was worse in the bloated days of Super rugby when teams traversed between four continents - Africa, America, Asia and Australia. The percentage of players who represent their country is less than 5% of the professional player base, so the sense of sacrifice isn’t as strong a motivation for the rest who are more focused on playing professional rugby and earning as much from their body as they can. Rugby like cricket created the conundrum it’s constantly fighting a losing battle with.
4 Go to commentsOh wow… “But as La Rochelle proved in winning in Cape Town this season, a cross-continental away assignment need not spell the end of days.” La Rochelle actually proved quite the opposite. After traveling to Cape town and back they (back-to-back and current champs) got mercilessly thumped the next week. If travel is not the reason, why else would a full-strength powerhouse like La Rochelle get dumped on their @r$e$ one week later?
26 Go to commentsYou know he can land a winning conversion after the full time siren is up. (Even if it takes two attempts.)
5 Go to commentsA very insightful article from Jake. I would love to know how South African’s feel about their move to Europe. Do you prefer playing in Europe or want to go back to Super Rugby?
4 Go to commentspure fire
1 Go to commentsA very well thought out summary of all the relevant complications…agree with your ”refer the Cricket Test versus 20/20 comparison”. More also definitely doesn't necessarily mean better!
4 Go to commentsMust be something when you are only 19 y.o and both NZ and France want you. Btw he wasn’t the only new caledonian in french U20 as Robin Couly also lived in Noumea until 17. Hope he’s successful wherever he chooses to play.
13 Go to comments“Several key players in the Stade Rochelais squad are in their thirties” South Africans are going to hate the implications of that comment!
5 Go to commentsI know Leinster did a job on La Roche but shortly after HT Leinster were 30-13 ahead of them and at a similar time Toulouse were trailing Exeter. At 60 mins Leinster were 27 ahead but after 67 mins Toulouse were only 19 ahead before Exeter collapsed. That’s heavier scoring by Leinster against the Champions. I think people are looking at Toulouses total a little too much. I also think Northhampton are in with a real chance, albeit I’d put Leinster as favourites. If Leinster make the final I expect them to win by more than ten and with control.
5 Go to commentsHey Nick, your match analysis is decent but the top and tail not so much, a bit more random. For a start there’s a seismic difference in regenerating any club side over a test team. EJ pretty much had to urinate with the appendage he’d been given at test level whereas club success is impacted hugely by the budget. Look no further than Boudjellal’s Toulon project for a perfect example. The set ups at La Rochelle and Leinster are like chalk and cheese and you are correct that Leinster are ahead. Leinster are not just slightly ahead though, they are light years ahead on their plans, with the next gen champions cup team already blooded, seasoned and developing at speed from their time manning the fort in the URC while the cream play CC and tests. They have engineered a strong talent conveyor belt into their system, supported by private money funnelled into a couple of Leinster private schools. The really smart move from Leinster and the IRFU however is maximising the Irish Revenue tax breaks (tax relief on the best 10 years earnings refunded at retirement) to help keep all of their stars in Ireland and happy, while simultaneously funding marquee players consistently. And of course Barrett is the latest example. But in no way is he a “replacement for Henshaw”, he’s only there for one season!!! As for Rob Baxter, the best advice you can give him is to start lobbying Parliament and HMRC for a similar state subsidy, but don’t hold your breath… One thing Cullen has been very smart with is his coaching team. Very quickly he realised his need to supplement his skills, there was talk of him exiting after his first couple of years but he was extremely shrewd bringing in Lancaster and now Nienaber. That has worked superbly and added a layer that really has made a tangible difference. Apart from that you were bang on the money… 😉😂
5 Go to commentsNot sure exactly what went wrong for him at Glasgow but it’s pretty clear he ain’t Franco’s cup of tea. Suspect he would have been better served heading out of Scotland around the same time as Finn, Hoggy and Jonny!
1 Go to commentsBulls disrespected the Northampton supporters and the competition. Decide quickly, fully in or out.
26 Go to commentsI wonder if Parling was ever on England’s radar as a coach? Obviously Borthwick is a great lineout coach, but I do worry he might be taking on too much as both head coach and forwards coach.
1 Go to commentsJason Jenkins has one cap. When Etzebeth was his age he had over 80 caps. Experience matters. He will never amount to what Etzebeth has because he hasn’t been developed as an international player.
2 Go to commentsSays much about the player picking this gig over the easier and bigger rewards offered to him in Japan. Also says a lot about the state sanctioned tax benefits the Irish Revenue offers pro rugby players, with their ten highest earning years subject to an additional 40% tax relief and paid as a lump sum, in cash, at retirement. Certainly helps Leinster line up the financial ducks in a row to fund marquee signings like this!!! No other union anywhere in world rugby benefits from this kind of lucrative financial sponsorship from their government…
5 Go to comments