Staring and stereotypes: 'I love being athletic, but there is a darker side'
I was asked to give an account of being a strong and athletic woman in the public eye and wanted to start by saying that I love being athletic! Feeling strong gives me a confidence that carries into my everyday life. I get lovely messages from people saying I inspire them to get into fitness or for their daughters to grow up strong.
My housemate (a man) couldn’t open a jar and just absentmindedly handed it for me to do – which is awesome, and I felt strong and independent.
Now with all that said there are some unfortunate negatives and stereotypes that come with the territory.
As a child I was always sporty. At ten years old as a classroom exercise we all had to weigh ourselves and do some strength tests. I was stronger than the boys which I was embarrassed about at the time and I was the heaviest girl. I was mortified. I’d never thought about weight but what I thought I knew about it was the women and girls were meant to be skinny and light. I didn’t understand then that muscle is heavier than fat. I saw magazine articles about how to lose weight with skinny celebrities on the front, so despite having defined muscles as a kid I developed a warped idea of body image.
I was fortunate enough to have a very successful rugby career and whilst playing at the top level I obviously wanted to be as good a rugby player as I could. In order to achieve this I lifted weights regularly and was fit for rugby. Once I retired I tried to ‘be less muscular’ as I wanted to look more ‘feminine’.
Two years ago I met my boyfriend Mike and he introduced me to CrossFit. I went in and was so impressed with the physiques of the women and what they could do and it inspired me to get as strong as possible.
So, I changed the way I trained and ate and put on lean muscle mass and my strength gains reflected that. I’ve had lots of positive messages throughout my training and that’s something I’m very proud of.
Now to the darker side…the trolling.
On an average week I’ll wake up to online abuse from angry men and judgemental women, get stared at walking to the shops, get unsolicited advice in the gym and if I’m lucky some ‘positive’ shouting.
Having an athletic physique as a woman seems to be an open invite to critique my physique, my femininity and even my sexuality.
I’ll start with the ‘positives’ which have literally been shouted at me whilst walking down the street:
‘Wow, you must work out’
‘She’s strong!’
‘You’re bigger than me!’
‘Wouldn’t want to fight you!’
All seemingly positive comments- but I don’t understand why having an athletic physique as a woman makes people think shouting comments is acceptable. I’ve even had random strangers grab my arms to compliment them.
‘Must be on Roids’ said the average troll not willing to admit to themselves that the actual reason we have different physiques is because I am willing to put in the graft. Makes me so mad #strongwomen #troll pic.twitter.com/5Z2bucsIq9
— Kat Merchant (@KatMerchant14) June 14, 2022
Why? Because it’s still not seen as normal for women to be strong. Having an athletic physique as a woman causes a lot of attention and seems to cause a disproportionate reaction.
I’m proud of my body- but I also know that if I wear a vest top or something similar I’m going to get started at or comments directed at me. Now I’m pretty confident but sometimes it can all feel too much and I just want to blend in and not have attention drawn to me. It used to affect the clothes I wore for fear of attracting attention- but now I just own it.
As part of my work, I post exercise videos and whilst I get many positive comments, I still get a surprising amount of negative ones.
Posting a simple bicep video can evoke a lot of anger in some people. Most the time I get men commenting that ‘I look like a bloke’ or must be on steroids. Both ridiculous statements that say more about their work effort or lack thereof.
Others, in an attempt at being supportive add comments like ‘very impressive, but too much for me’ or ‘I don’t find it attractive’. Did I ask or care whether you find me or other muscular women attractive? I was unaware that Twitter and Instagram are the new dating sites.
One man recently even commented that he wouldn’t want his daughter to look like me. This is one of the most concerning comments as why would he want to control how his daughter trains or looked? Is being strong and dedicated not something he wants in his child?
I also get unsolicited advice from men who despite not being in the fitness industry, or qualified in any way, want to tell me how to train.
For all of the above I just don’t understand what drives someone to comment rather than scroll or walk on by.
Buzzing to call this one today! Quins vs Bristol with a wealth of international of amazing head to heads. Catch us on bbc Iplayer and premier 15’s #rugby #comms #wrugby #sunsout pic.twitter.com/OuWher43Iy
— Kat Merchant (@KatMerchant14) May 7, 2022
Less frequently but possibly more hurtful is the comments I get from women- one woman simply put ‘yuk’ and another claimed that there was nothing feminine about me. This one hurt as I try to lift other people up rather than put them down. Some people would describe femininity as having positive traits including being kind rather than a body type and the women commenting hurtful remarks certainly aren’t being kind. The other comment I get from women is ‘lifting won’t make me look like you will it?’ A seemingly innocent remark but still quite offensive. No, you will not accidentally look like me- believe it or not, this takes a lot of work.
Friends and family often ask why I put myself out there on social media and the answer is simple. I wish I had women who looked like me when I was growing up on magazine covers rather than the constant bombardment of skinny models. I want young boys and girls to see that a strong woman is perfectly normal, perhaps even find it motivational to go play a sport. The more athletic and strong women there are, the less these stereotypes will be held.
My advice to any girls and women out there who want to focus on getting stronger is to do it! Yes you might get a few stares and odd comments but so what? I feel strong and confident and found that when you are confident in yourself you are far less bothered about what other people think of you.
I feel more ‘feminine’ now than ever and am loving what my body can do.
Comments on RugbyPass
We’re building a bridge but can't agree where the river is.
2 Go to commentsfirst no arms shoulder or helmet tackle into his rib cage is going to be so very painful even to watch. go back to RU mate.
1 Go to commentsBulls by 5. Plus another 50.
3 Go to commentsJohan Goosen avatar. Cute. Surely someone at RP knows how to do a google image search?
3 Go to commentsCan’t these games play a little earlier? Asking for a friend.
3 Go to commentsIt’s impressive that we can see huge stadiums with attendance in the 40 000 to 50 000 region. It shows how popular this competition is becoming. What is even more impressive is the massive growth in broadcast viewership. The URC is one of the two best leagues in the World, the other being the Top14.
7 Go to commentsChristie is not Sottish, like the majority of the Scotland team.
2 Go to commentsHold the phone, decline over-rated. Is it a one game, dead cat bounce or the real thing? Has the Penney dropped? Stay tuned.
45 Go to commentsTotally deserved win for the Crusaders Far smarter than the Chiefs who seem to be avoiding the basics when it matters Hotham showed them what was missing and Hannah seems a real find - a tad light but that can be fixed over time
8 Go to commentsGreat insight into the performance culture with Sarries and I predict Christie will be a fixture in the Scotland team now for some time to come. However, he is slightly missing his own point around Scotland “being soft” when he cites physicality examples in defence of that slight. The issue is much closer to the example he referenced around feeling off before a game but being told “it doesn’t matter, you can still play well” by Farrell. Until Scotland can get their psyche in that square, they will carry on folding under extreme pressure…
2 Go to comments> We are having to adapt, evolve and innovate more than when we were in Super Rugby where there was only really one style that everybody had to play to gain the most success. Have = able to? Interesting what that one style might be? I thought SA sides still had bad tours now, or at least bad schedule, months away? Those extra few hours flights have to be a killer though, no surprise to see their sides doing so badly at the start of the season each year. I wouldn’t enjoy that unfairness as a supporter.
7 Go to commentsThe problem for NZ, and Aus, is they ripped up the SR model and lost a massive chunk of revenue that hasn’t been replaced. Don’t forget SA clubs went North because they were left with no choice, Argy unceremoniously binned and Japan cast adrift. Now SR wasn’t perfect, far from it, but they’ve jumped into something without an effective plan, so far, to replace what they’ve lost. The biggest revenue potential now lies in Japan but it won’t be easy or quick to unlock, they are incredibly insular in culture as a nation. In the meantime, there is a serious time bomb sitting under SH rugby and if it happens then the current financial challenges will look like a picnic. IF the Boks follow their provincial teams and head north then it’s revenue meltdown. Not guaranteed to happen but the status quo is a very odd hybrid, with the Boks pointing one way and the clubs pointing the other way. And for as long as that remains then the threat is real.
45 Go to commentsI think Etene has had some good tuition, likely while at the Warriors to be a professional that helped his rugby jump, but he was certainly thrown in the deep end way too early. Should have arguably 20 less SR caps, and therefor a way better record that he does at his age, but his development would have been fast tracked by the need to satiate his signing away from league. Again, credit to him and others that he has done it so well. Easy to fall over under that pressure in the big leagues like that but he kept at it when I myself wasn’t sure he was good enough.
1 Go to commentsAwesome story. I wonder what a bigger American (SA) scene might have mean for Brex.
1 Go to comments“Johnny McNicholl and the Crusaders” save a Penney. Who has been in camp this week and showed them how to play?
8 Go to commentsSo, reports of the Crusaders’ demise / terminal decline are perhaps just - slightly - premature/exaggerated…? 🤔 Will we see a deep-dive into that by the estimable Rugbypass scribes, and maybe one or two mea culpas? Thought not.
8 Go to comments1. The Chiefs are rudderless without DMac, which enhances his AB chances 2. Chiefs pack are powderpuffs. The hard men arent there anymore 3. They had their golden title chance last yr and wont threaten this yr. Gone in second round of playoffs.
8 Go to commentsHonestly, why did you have to publish such a foolish article the day they play us? 😂
45 Go to comments> They are not standalone entities. They are linked to an amateur association which holds the FFR licence that allows the professional side to compete in the league. That’s a great rule. This looks like the chicken or egg professional scenario. How long is it going to be before the club can break even (if that is even a thing in French rugby)? If the locals aren’t into well it would be good to se them drop to amateur level (is it that far?). Hope they can reset from this level and be more practical, there will be a time when they can rebuild (if France has there setup right).
1 Go to commentsWhat about changing the ball? To something heavier and more pointed that bounces unpredictably. Not this almost round football used these days.
35 Go to comments