Six Things We Learned From Last Night's Internationals

Hayden Donnell delivers some lessons after an entertaining night of rugby.

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1. It’s Official: The Springboks Suck Now

The Boks were beaten 20-18 by Italy.

To put that in context, Italy were recently beaten 67-14 by Wales – a side that needed a last-minute drop goal to beat Japan. The defeat is another humiliation for the Boks in a year that’s featured a loss to Argentina, a 51-15 evisceration by the All Blacks, and a 31-31 draw with a Barbarians side that had trained together roughly 0.4 times and may have sunk a few beers on the sidelines before the match. South Africa has now dug through Earth’s outer crust to languish at a new low in its molten core. This is more than a run of bad form; it’s a bad rugby side.

2. Ireland May Be the Second-Best Side in the World

The Irish may have recorded the most dominant 12-point loss in rugby history. They were beaten 21-9 by the All Blacks, but looked the better team for large sections of the match, dominating both territory (69 per cent) and possession (66 per cent). Two of the All Blacks’ tries were questionable, and they probably got away with attempting to decapitate a few too many Irish players, which has led to Ireland’s fans becoming super steamed.

The raging Irish should probably comfort themselves by taking the long view. Their side’s contests against the All Blacks show they’re a contender for the coveted title of ‘Second Best Side in the World’. Their greatest rival for that prize, England, recorded a 58-15 victory over Fiji this weekend that looked more convincing on the scoreboard than on the pitch. It’d be a close contest if the two sides met today.

3. Having Sex In a Toilet Has Ruined Aaron Smith

Until a few weeks ago, Aaron Smith was the undisputed top halfback in the world. His passes were quick, crisp and on-target; his eye for a gap in the defence was unparalleled. There was never a hint of uncertainty in his play. He was confident, always in total command of the game.

Then he had sex in a toilet, and everything changed.

Smith took three weeks off amid the deranged media outcry over his devastating boning incident. He returned to the side a shell of his former self. Post-sex Smith hesitates before passing out of rucks. His running game is virtually non-existent. That pre-toilet creativity is gone.

His performance against Ireland is both a cautionary tale for other All Blacks who might be thinking about having sex, and further proof that TJ Perenara is now New Zealand’s best halfback. The Hurricanes 9, who isn’t hampered by any toilet boning problems, has been brilliant marshalling the All Blacks’ offence this year. He deserves a starting nod until Smith can make a full recovery.

4. Bernard Foley’s Ear Was Bleeding For At Least 50 Minutes

Gross.

5. Either Japan Is Good or Wales Are Bad

The Welsh needed a last-minute dropkick by Sam Davies to steal a victory against a very competitive Japanese side. The match could be evidence of a few things:

1. Japan’s Springbok-beating performance at last year’s World Cup wasn’t an isolated incident.
2. Good genius Jamie Joseph is a worthy successor to evil genius Eddie Jones.
3. Wales are bad now.

6. Greig Laidlaw Is Clutch

This was the Scotland halfback’s face as he lined up to attempt an 83rd minute, game-winning penalty.

He looked more like a hungover middle-manager than someone who was about to win a rugby game for his country.

As a sidenote, the last five minutes of the Scotland vs Argentina match were incredible. The game log goes something like this:

Scotland’s attempted game-sealing penalty bounces off the posts
Scotland somehow reclaims the ball on Argentina’s goal line
Scotland’s drop kick is charged down
Scotland nearly score a try
Scotland nearly score another try
Scotland is awarded a penalty in the 83rd minute

If you want to watch highlights, an excellent clip is available on the website RugbyPass.com, which is offering a free trial if you sign up now.

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