Six Nations Trumped
Since the Six Nations bandwagon last rolled into town, the world has changed. It’s been turned upside down more than an out of fashion, beyond vertical tackle.
Scotland are flying high, Ireland ended 111 years of hurt v the All Blacks and the only the thing to beat Eddie Jones is his slippery shower.
But, the world is about to get a whole lot stranger, as President Donald Trump* watched the opening weekend….
*For legal reasons, this is utterly fictitious.
The Six Nations by President Donald Trump, aged 70 and a half.
When I first heard British people talking about something called “rugbey” when their government visited me, I feared Beyoncé had opened a carpet shop. So, I asked my new friend Theresa May to explain it to me. She had me sold at hookers!
Then, when that fluffy haired blonde Foreign Secretary of hers described the Six Nations, it sounded like fate as my week had been all about seven nations. So, I kicked back in the Oval Office and put the rugby on all weekend.
You know what? I like rugby. First Impressions count. It’s masculine, fair and dignified. It’s like me with less Twitter followers.
My favourite team are Scotland. I hollered for them as they have great golf courses. Good people. Smart people. They also built Hadrian’s Wall like a thousand years ago, yet I’m the bad guy? Man, did they deliver for Uncle Donald!
The team who annoy me the most are France. Those Frenchies don’t pay their fair dues to NATO, yet they can afford to feed and clothe eight giants like Uini Atonio and Louis Picamoles? It’s a disgrace. I’m glad they buckled.
My favourite coach is Shaun Edwards. I’d heard whispers that some cowboy had been building great defensive walls for years. Boy, they weren’t wrong. Still not sure what the heck a blitz wall is, but I need to get me one of them!
It was great to see that talented little bloke Leigh Halfpenny running about, but he’s only half as valuable as my Vice-President, Mike Pence. FACT.
What else caught my eye? Rugby referees. Some guy called Angus Gardner ruled over England and France with an iron fist. He’s my kind of leader. No debate, nothing. Nobody voted for him yet the world rages at me, a democratically elected leader. But they obey an appointed one. Discrimination.
And what is this genius of the sin bin? Bad hombres commit crimes like illegal entry into rucks – I’ve been saying illegal entry is a problem for years! – or dodgy tackles and get packed off to a rugby jail. No trial. No Attorney General. Just adios for ten minutes Jonny May! ??
Substitutions are fantastic. With one flashing electronic board, you can drain the swamp, pump fresh legs on the field and make your team great again. That dude Haskell hit harder than one of these restraining orders I get threatened with.
I told Theresa we’d be friends but America is a very different place to Europe. Different tastes. Strange tastes. Dylan Hartley, Guilhem Guirado and Rory Best. Not exactly what we’d call hookers back in the US of A.
??I’m still confused as to why Russia aren’t involved? People say Russia couldn’t hack it in the tournament but that doesn’t sound right. I reckon they are involved and CNN just isn’t reporting it. More FAKE NEWS.
Maybe I’ll jump on Air Force One and catch a game next week. British women keep marching and chanting my name, so I know I’m popular. They’d love to see me!
Stay tuned.
Comments on RugbyPass
Good to hear he would like to play the game at the highest level, I hadn’t been to sure how much of a motivator that was before now. Sadly he’s probably chosen the rugby club to go to. Try not to worry about all the input about how you should play rugby Joey and just try to emulate what you do on the league field and have fun. You’ll limit your game too much (well not really because he’s a standard athlete like SBW and he’ll still have enough) if you’re trying to make sure you can recycle the ball back etc. On the other hard, you can totally just try and recycle by looking to offload any and everywhere if you’re going to ground 😋
1 Go to commentsThis just proves that theres always a stat and a metric to use to justify your abilities and your success. Ben did it last week by creating an imaginary competition and now you did the same to counter his argument and espouse a new yardstick for success. Why not just use the current one and lets say the Boks have won 4 world cups making them the most successful world cup team. Outside of the world cup the All Blacks are the most successful team winning countless rugby championships and dominating the rankings with high win percentages. Over the last 4 years statistically the Irish are the best having the highest win rate and also having positive records against every tier 1 side. The most successful Northern team in the game has been England with a world cup title and the most six nations titles in history. The AB’s are the most dominant team in history with the highest win rate and 3 world cups. Lets not try to reinvent the wheel. Just be honest about the actual stats and what each team has been good at doing and that will be enough to define their level of success.
19 Go to commentsHow is 7’s played there? I’m surprised 10 or 11 man rugby hasn’t taken off. 7 just doesn’t fit the 15s dynamics (rules n field etc) but these other versions do.
7 Go to commentsPick Swinton at your peril A liability just like JWH from the Roosters Skelton ??? went missing at RWC
14 Go to commentsLike tennis, who have a ranking system, and I believe rugby too, just measure over each period preceding a world cup event who was the longest number one and that would be it. In tennis the number one player frequently is not the grand slam winner. I love and adore the All Blacks since the days of Ian Kirkpatrick when I was a kid in SA. And still do because they are the masters of running rugby and are gentleman on and off the field - in general. And in my opinion they have been the majority of the time the best rugby team in the world.
19 Go to commentsHaving overseas possessions in 2024 is absurd. These Frenchies should have to give the New Caledonians their freedom.
21 Go to commentsBell injured his foot didn’t he? Bring Tupou in he’ll deliver when it counts. Agree mostly but I would switch in the Reds number 8 Harry Wilson for Swinton and move Rob Valentini to 6 instead. Wilson is a clever player who reads the play, you can’t outmuscle the AB’s and Springboks, if you have any chance it’s by playing clever. Same goes for Paisami, he’s a little guy who doesn’t really trouble the likes of De Allende and Jordie Barrett. I’d rather play Carter Gordon at 12 and put Michael Lynagh’s boy at 10. That way you get a BMT type goalkicker at 10 and a playmaker at 12. Anyways, just my two cents as a Bok supporter.
14 Go to commentsThanks Brett, love your articles which are alway pertinent. It’s a difficult topic trying to have a panel adjudicating consistently penalties for red card issues. Many of the mitigating reasons raised are judged subjectively, hence the different outcomes. How to take away subjective opinions?
7 Go to commentsYes Sir! Surprising, just like Fraser would also have escaped sanction if he was a few inches lower, even if it was by accident that he missed! Has there really been talk about those sanctions or is this just sensational journalism? I stopped reading, so might have missed any notations.
7 Go to commentsAI is only as good as the information put in, the nuances of the sport, what you see out the corner of the eye, how you sum up in a split second the situation, yes the AI is a tool but will not help win games, more likely contribute to a loss, Rugby Players are not robots, all AI can do if offer a solution not the solution. AI will effect many sports, help train better golfers etc.
45 Go to commentsIt couldn’t have been Ryan Crotty. He wasn’t selected in either World Cup side - they chose Money Bill instead. And Money Bill only cared about himself, and that manager he had, not the team.
26 Go to commentsYawn 🥱 nobody would give a hoot about this new trophy. End of the day we just have to beat Ireland and NZ this year then they can finally shut up 🤐
19 Go to commentsTalking bout Ryan Crotty? Heard Crotty say in a interview once that SBW doesen't care about the team . He went on to say that whenever they lost a big game, SBW would be happy as if nothing happened, according to him someone who cares would look down.. Personally I think Crotty is in the wrong, not for feeling gutted but for expecting others 2 be like him… I have been a bad loser forever as it matters so much to me but good on you SBW for being able to see the bigger picture….
26 Go to commentsThis sounds like a WWE idea so Americans can also get excited about rugby, RUGBY NEEDS A INTERNATIONAL CALENDER .. The rugby Championship and Six Nations can be held at same time, top 3 of six nations and top 3 of Rugby championship (6 nations should include Georgia AND another qualifying country while Fiji, Japan and Samoa/Tonga qualifier should make out 6 Southern teams).. Scrap June internationals and year end tours. Have a Elite top six Cup and the Bottom 6 in a secondary comp….
19 Go to commentsThe rugby championship would be even stronger with Fiji in it… I know it doesen’t fit the long term plans of NZ or Aus but you are robbing a whole nation of being able to see their best players play for Fiji…. Every second player in NZ and AUS teams has Fijian surnames… shame on you!!! World rugby won’t step in either as France and England has now also joined in…. I guess where money is involved it will always be the poor countries missing out….
84 Go to commentsNo surprise there. How hard can it be to pick a ball off the ground and chuck it to a mate? 😂
2 Go to commentsSometimes people just like a moan mate!
7 Go to commentsexcellent idea ! rugby needs this 💪
19 Go to comments9 Brumbies! What a joke! The best performing team in Oz! Ditch Skelton for Swain or Neville. Ryan Lonergan ahead of McDermott any day! Best selection bolter is Toole … amazing player
14 Go to commentsI like this, but ultimately rugby already has enough trophies. Trying to make more games “consequential" might prove to be a fools errand, although this is a less bad idea than some others. Minor quibble with the title of the article; it isn’t very meaningful to say the boks are the unofficial world champions when it would be functionally impossible for the Raeburn trophy not to be held by the world champions. There’s a period of a few months every 4 years when there is no “unofficial” world champion, and the Raeburn trophy is held by the actual world champions.
19 Go to comments