Select Edition

Northern Northern
Southern Southern
Global Global
NZ NZ

10 Things that’ll definitely happen during the Lions Tour

By Martin Devlin
THE ALL BLACKS PERFORM THE HAKA. PHOTO: GETTY

10 games, 10 things. Martin Devlin takes a look at what we can expect over the next six weeks as the Lions Tour finally gets underway:

  1. The Lions WILL lose. At least once. (C’mon people, not even Gats in his wildest dreams believes his team can go through this whole tour without losing a solitary match)

  1. The ODI (O’Driscoll Incident) WILL be revisited. At least once. And that’s every day. By the time of the Wellington test the initial trickle will become a deluge of “what if/if only” articles and tedious television replays offering angles even Pythagoras hadn’t thought of. When said scribes finally exhaust all remaining interest in that infamous non-event, seeing it is a capital occasion, expect the odd mention also of “Dan Carter’s test”, “Trapper’s test” and the “Batty Intercept”.

  1. Clichés as far as the eye can see. The match versus NZ Maori will be unofficially tagged “the 4th test”, Eden Park will be called a “fortress”, The All Blacks haka labelled an unfair advantage Stephen Jones will bemoan the lack of humility exhibited by AB fans. If any or all of these were ONLY mentioned once it’ll be an absolute blessing.

  1. Clive will not be missed. Not a single person in New Zealand will lament the fact that Clive Woodward is no longer coach nor that Alistair Campbell hasn’t reappeared as the tour spin doctor. Not one single one. Not even once.

  1. All Black fans will chant “Black, Black, Black” during a test. Much more than just once.

  1. Sonny Bill Williams, even if he doesn’t play, will be front page focus of foreign media interest. At least once. With his shirt off.

  1. England coach Eddie Jones will add his opinion on how beatable the All Blacks look. Not once but every single opportunity he gets.

  1. Lions supporters will be fulsomely praised in one collective countrywide warm embrace. They’ll be described as “great sports”, “wonderful visitors” and “knowledgeable passionate fans who just love their rugby”. Unless of course their team beats us in the test series. Whereupon immediately they’ll become arrogant pompous imperialist public-schooboy rugger-bugger Pommy twats. (We’ll still love the Taffs, Jocks and Micks though – goes without saying?) Well, if not then just once!

  1. Us home fans will continue to consider ourselves nothing but the fairest, most appreciative and forever humble rugby supporters on the planet known for our mature yet competitive respect for the inventors of this game they play in heaven. -Which we just happen to be the best in the world at – something we might even mention. Once or twice.

  1. The Lions will depart these shores safe in the knowledge their reputation and record upon arrival remains entirely intact. i.e. They’ve only ever won here…Once!

 

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT

Join free

Aotearoa Rugby Podcast | Episode 6

Sam Warburton | The Big Jim Show | Full Episode

Japan Rugby League One | Sungoliath v Eagles | Full Match Replay

Japan Rugby League One | Spears v Wild Knights | Full Match Replay

Boks Office | Episode 10 | Six Nations Final Round Review

Aotearoa Rugby Podcast | How can New Zealand rugby beat this Ireland team

Beyond 80 | Episode 5

Rugby Europe Men's Championship Final | Georgia v Portugal | Full Match Replay

Trending on RugbyPass

Comments

Join free and tell us what you really think!

Sign up for free
ADVERTISEMENT

Latest Features

Comments on RugbyPass

T
Trevor 1 hours ago
Will forgotten Wallabies fit the Joe Schmidt model?

Thanks Brett.. At last a positive article on the potential of Wallaby candidates, great to read. Schmidt’s record as an international rugby coach speaks for itself, I’m somewhat confident he will turn the Wallaby’s fortunes around …. on the field. It will be up to others to steady the ship off the paddock. But is there a flaw in my optimism? We have known all along that Australia has the players to be very competitive with their international rivals. We know that because everyone keeps telling us. So why the poor results? A question that requires a definitive answer before the turn around can occur. Joe Schmidt signed on for 2 years, time to encompass the Lions tour of 2025. By all accounts he puts family first and that’s fair enough, but I would wager that his 2 year contract will be extended if the next 18 months or so shows the statement “Australia has the players” proves to be correct. The new coach does not have a lot of time to meld together an outfit that will be competitive in the Rugby Championship - it will be interesting to see what happens. It will be interesting to see what happens with Giteau law, the new Wallaby coach has already verbalised that he would to prefer to select from those who play their rugby in Australia. His first test in charge is in July just over 3 months away .. not a long time. I for one wish him well .. heaven knows Australia needs some positive vibes.

21 Go to comments
B
Bull Shark 5 hours ago
Jake White: Are modern rugby players actually better?

Of the rugby I’ve born witness to in my lifetime - 1990 to date - I recognize great players throughout those years. But I have no doubt the game and the players are on average better today. So I doubt going back further is going to prove me wrong. The technical components of the game, set pieces, scrums, kicks, kicks at goal. And in general tactics employed are far more efficient, accurate and polished. Professional athletes that have invested countless hours on being accurate. There is one nation though that may be fairly competitive in any era - and that for me is the all blacks. And New Zealand players in general. NZ produces startling athletes who have fantastic ball skills. And then the odd phenomenon like Brooke. Lomu. Mcaw. Carter. Better than comparing players and teams across eras - I’ve often had this thought - that it would be very interesting to have a version of the game that is closer to its original form. What would the game look like today if the rules were rolled back. Not rules that promote safety obviously - but rules like: - a try being worth 1 point and conversion 2 points. Hence the term “try”. Earning a try at goals. Would we see more attacking play? - no lifting in the lineouts. - rucks and break down laws in general. They looked like wrestling matches in bygone eras. I wonder what a game applying 1995 rules would look like with modern players. It may be a daft exercise, but it would make for an interesting spectacle celebrating “purer” forms of the game that roll back the rules dramatically by a few versions. Would we come to learn that some of the rules/combinations of the rules we see today have actually made the game less attractive? I’d love to see an exhibition match like that.

29 Go to comments
FEATURE
FEATURE Will the Crusaders' decline spark a slow death for New Zealand rugby? Will the Crusaders' decline spark a slow death for New Zealand rugby?
Search