The Blues Are in Pre-Season And That Can Only Mean One Thing... The Annual Hira Bhana Team Barbecue

Scotty Stevenson reports from an over-sized onion storage shed on the hills of Tuakau, near Pukekohe, south of Auckland, on a glorious summer’s evening.

The Blues, once the glamour New Zealand franchise of Super Rugby, have arrived for their annual pre-season barbecue with the Hira Bhana family and staff. They have taken two hours on a bus to get here. They are hungry. The good news is, a large number of farm animals have been slaughtered, butchered, marinated and grilled for their dining pleasure.

Hira Bhana and Co. are growers and purveyors of fine produce – potatoes, carrots, onions, cabbages and caulis (and lettuces all year round). The operation, begun in 1958 by Hira Bhana and now controlled and operated by his four sons, their wives, and their children, covers more than 1,500 acres of prime Franklin cropping land. Franklin is part of the Counties-Manukau province. Counties-Manukau rugby is aligned with the Chiefs. What the hell are the Blues doing here?

Woodsy Bhana says, “There are no Chiefs here, mate. Only Indians.”

And there is food. Lots of food. There are Indian spiced lamb chops and sweet and sticky pork chops. There are potato curries, and industrial-sized mixing bowls of freshly prepared salads. Later there will be vats of fruit salad and chocolate logs, and ice cream. Straight off the bus the Blues players head for the barbecues – home-made charcoal grills manned by a platoon of family members and workers. The entire barn smells of garam masala and meat sweat.

The coaches are here. Tana Umaga is a local hero thanks to his time with Counties-Manukau. Everyone here loves him. They also love his new assistant Steve Jackson, who helped him lead the Steelers to a Ranfurly Shield win and a national championship. Jackson is always smiling. James Parsons reckons he has brought some comedy to the club. “Is he funny?” I ask. “He thinks so,” he replies.

Dave Ellis is another new face. A short and wiry man who looks like he could kill you with a single headbutt, Ellis is the skills guru at the club. On his lower leg is an intricate ‘Connacht’ tattoo. He was with the Irish province when it won its first major trophy, the 2016 Pro12 Championship. The head coach was Pat Lam. You can be sure Ellis is hoping his time with the Blues is less torturous than Lam’s.

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Sonny Bill Williams is here. He had arrived early. Someone asks him for a photo. Someone else hands him a baby and takes a photo of them both. Someone else hands him two babies and two people take a photo of the three of them. There are babies everywhere. I don’t know where they are all coming from. I do know that Sonny Bill Williams is good with kids. Later in the evening he wanders out into the yard with Akira Ioane and fashions a game of one-on-one street ball. Yes, Sonny Bill Williams is good with kids.

A local man walks up to a group of players. “It’s our year boys,” he says excitedly, obviously high on grilled meat. “I think the Warriors have that line trademarked,” replies one of the players. Steve Jackson isn’t the only one bringing comedy to the club.

Last year the Blues went 8-1-6 and finished last in the hotly-contested New Zealand conference. If it is to be their year, they will have to start beating the other New Zealand clubs. I ask assistant coach Al Rogers how the pre-season has been. “It’s been really good and the team is in good shape,” he says with trademark intensity. Then the Welsh pragmatism kicks in. “Then again mate, every team would say that at this time of year, wouldn’t they?”

They probably would.

Next weekend the Blues will play their first pre-season fixture against the Hurricanes at Alexandra Park. Rene Ranger, who has been recovering from a knee injury and is slowly working his way back to full contact, says the squad can’t wait to get into a match scenario. “We’ve been playing some intra-squad games and they’ve been pretty full-on,” he says. “But there’s nothing like genuine contact to get you in the zone.” Blues fans will be hoping Ranger can find his own zone.

For now though, he is happy in an onion barn in Tuakau, ripping into chops with the rest of the boys. Deep in the heart of Chiefs country the Blues reign supreme with their hosts. Vijay Bhana, the scion of this potato loving family and the brains behind the company’s anthropomorphic root vegetable mascot, wraps up the night with a thank you to the team and an invitation to all to take home a ten-kilogram bag of all-purpose spuds.

Come grab ya spuds don't miss out! pic.twitter.com/rIgyIXaMZp

— Bhana Family Farms (@BhanaFamilyFarm) February 19, 2016

“We just want you to know we purchased these new tractors with you in mind,” he says.

There were two of them parked next to the team bus, freshly polished and as clean as the day they left the factory.

And they were all blue.