'I hurt people': How a spiralling Stuart Hogg made 'biggest mistake' of his life

Stuart Hogg admits that retiring to try to save his marriage was the biggest mistake he made, but says it is one he won’t make again.

The former Scotland and Lions star shocked the rugby world in July 2023 when he announced his retirement, saying that his body wasn’t up to playing, but it’s since emerged that his whole life was in turmoil.

And Hogg, who in 2020 was part of the Exeter Chiefs side that won the Premiership and European Champions Cup double, soon realised that he had made a massive mistake.

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Within a year, he was back with Top 14 giants Montpellier and now says that he feels better at 33 than he did at 28 or 29, with all the much-publicised court cases behind him.

“I missed the buzz, the changing room, the banter. I missed rugby more than I ever realised. I gave up on my rugby career to try and save my marriage. At the time, I didn’t know who I was,” Hogg told The Rugby Paper this weekend in a wide-ranging interview.

“I was up to my eyeballs in anti-depressants. I didn’t know what was going on in life, whether I was making people happy or sad. I used alcohol to escape. I was purely existing.

“The Doddie Aid cycle ride from Scotland to Rome changed everything. For the first time since retiring, I felt part of a team again. I came back and told my dad, ‘I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life.’

“I missed the camaraderie, the laughs, the buzz. I needed that back.” Hogg, whose divorce was finalised earlier this month at Jedburgh Sheriff Court, tells The Rugby Paper.

The chaos continued when he moved to France, but this time it was rugby-related. Montpellier sacked all their coaching staff hours after he met them, then suffered a string of injuries, but he turned it around.

Under contract until 2027, he accepts he isn’t going to be the Stuart Hogg he once was, but has found inner peace since moving to France and is dealing with being away from his children.

“The real downside is being away from my kids and getting the chance to go back and see them regularly. The hope is that they’ll be able to come out to France and see me.

“Things are improving on that front, which I’m grateful for, so things are definitely improving for me and my family. I live 20 minutes from Montpellier, five minutes from the beach. It’s relaxing.”

The players and coaches value me, maybe because I finally value myself. I’m in a better place mentally than I’ve been in years. I used to think being selfish was strength.

“But I took that too far. I hurt people. Now, I’m learning to be selfless for the right reasons – for my kids, my partner, my team. I know I’ll never be the same Stuart Hogg I once was, but I’m okay with it. I’ve found peace.

“I’m living in the now. Everyone asks about life after rugby. I spent too long worrying about the future. Now I just want to play until I can’t play anymore. Rugby will always be part of my life – 100 per cent,” adds Hogg.