'The back of my brain smashed into the back of my skull and that caused the main artery to my frontal lobe to burst'
Will Hurrell won’t forget the unusual way he had to say his goodbyes to Bristol recently. His short-term memory is still shot to bits following the career-ending stroke suffered when playing for the Bears at Leicester in January, but that side-effect hasn’t blurred recollections of the lockdown day he made it official that he was retiring from rugby at just the age of 30. “I was basically stuck at home for weeks,” he said, explaining to RugbyPass how he broke the devastating news to his team-mates that he was finished, all played out at a time when rugby everywhere is indefinitely suspended and everyone is social distancing due to the coronavirus pandemic.
“I did go in a few times (before the lockdown) and was happy to see the boys. They were all really concerned and just glad I was back in… and then I actually had to retire over a Zoom call. I had all the boys, all the staff, on this Zoom call and there is me getting emotional doing a retiring speech to them which I would have liked to do in person but at the same point it was a tough day for me as it was.”
Hunkered down at his parents’ house in Melton Mowbray, 150 miles northeast of Bristol, Hurrell has an open invite to visit Ashton Gate whenever rugby does restart to watch some games, to catch up with his buddies in person and to more personally draw the final line under a career he fought tooth and nail to carve out.
He beat the odds in becoming a Gallagher Premiership regular. Cut loose by Leicester in 2011 after being in their academy, he took a very circuitous route – via the National League on £100 quid a game and the Championship – before finding himself running out at Twickenham in a midfield partnership with Gavin Henson for a first-ever Premiership start in September 2016.
Now, though, the odds have beaten him, the drastic injury caused by a January 4 collision at Welford Road resulting in the April 10 confirmation that he is definitely out for the count and no longer a rugby player. It’s been a traumatic experience, to say the least. Yet, he’s grateful for the mature outlook on life he adopted in recent years which is serving him well in managing this major adjustment. He might not have coped so well if his catastrophe visited him when he wasn’t such a positive person, when his mental health might not have been as resolute as it is now.
The moment when it hit Will Hurrell – the now-retired Bristol midfielder – that he had arrived in big-time rugby https://t.co/dRQTuW3CHP
— RugbyPass (@RugbyPass) April 25, 2020
“Before I probably dealt with stuff not as well as I could have – I have been through a lot of ups and downs. At the minute I really am in one of those situations where I’m fighting through family court (for access to his baby daughter), that is really stressful. I have had this stroke, I have had to retire and it has all come within the space of about three months. As a youngster I would have struggled with that, probably wouldn’t have dealt with it well and not done all the stuff I needed to do.
“I feel like I have got to position where mentally I’m in a really good, strong position. I’m happy to sit down and go through everything, deal with it all and get it all sorted. That is really close to my heart. I have done my mental health first aid course and mental health has been a big thing. It should be looked at much more in rugby. We do pay credence to it but I don’t think as much as we could. I’ve been at Bristol for four years and had five guys come up and say they are really struggling. I sat down with them, tried to help them as best as I can and went through stuff that I have been through on how to be positive.
“When I first started rugby twelve years ago professionally, you had to be big and tough and strong and just crack on with it. All the boys took the p*** out of each other and no-one got upset. Even if you weren’t playing you just cracked on. There is still a bit of that, that if you show yourself to be ‘weak’ it doesn’t stand you in good stead, but it’s starting to change.
“If you say I’m really struggling, I’m not playing, I’ve been injured, I’ve got this going on, if you say that and work on yourself to be stronger I don’t see how that be a negative. We’re getting much better at it in rugby but it could be definitely worked on more. There could be more of a focus on it. The RPA have been fantastic, really pushing it because they see the importance and the difference it can make peoples’ lives. Two people could be in the same situation but have two completely different outlooks. That is the key to it. I’m actually doing a few talks on mental health and have done quite a few in the past.”
Hurrell will be a valuable resource for players to tap into, not only regarding mental health but for the stoic manner he has now dealt with the fall-out from his traumatic injury. It’s a nauseous story, one where all these months later he’s still learning fresh detail as it wasn’t until RugbyPass told him that he became aware of the celebratory farewell that was afforded post-match on the pitch to the retiring Sam Harrison, his old Tigers academy pal, at the same time he was in a damaging mess not that far away in the visiting team dressing room.
“Was that Sam’s last game? I didn’t realise it was that game. My memory is pretty much gone, my short-term memory. It’s a right mess at the minute, so I’m seeing someone for rehab in that. But I actually didn’t realise that was his last game. He’s a good lad, Sam,” said Hurrell before moving on to the horrible collision that precipitated the damaging end to his own career.
“I have watched it back. It’s quite nasty. It’s kind of my own fault for trying to melt the second row, the big fella. Yeah, it’s quite nasty. I got my head caught on the wrong side and I have watched it back a couple of times. I thought at the time I was alright. I felt ‘I think I’m okay’, but it just deteriorated over the game. I couldn’t understand the calls. I couldn’t remember anything. My speech started going funny. All that sort of stuff. It was a really odd one.
“I didn’t have a HIA. I guess from my responses I seemed okay. I don’t really remember, but it’s just one of those things. As a rugby player you just always want to crack on. It was just unfortunate… basically, I got hit in the first half and I came off 20 minutes to the end and I was gone, just throwing up everywhere and was falling over.
“Luckily my parents were there and took me to A&E after the game. I stayed in for a couple of days and then I stayed with them pretty much for two weeks solid. I was sleeping a lot, couldn’t speak properly, so I was really lucky it happened there (in Leicester near their home) because if that had been anywhere else I would have been on my tod.
“There is all the technical jargon but the medics describe what happened in layman’s terms as kind of whiplash. I got my head caught the wrong side and as I whacked my head, the back of my brain smashed into the back of my skull and that caused the main artery to my frontal lobe to burst. That sort of bled everywhere and it got progressively worse as the game went on.”
Calling it quits became a decision simplified for him by his specialist. “He dealt with a boxer from Bath who had a similar head injury and dealt with a lot of these high profile head injuries. He said if you carry on you can have really negative repercussions and be in a right mess.
? @whhurrell will retire from professional rugby with immediate effect ?
Thanks for the memories, Hurricane. ?? pic.twitter.com/OqSKBZmrSG
— Bristol Bears (@BristolBears) April 10, 2020
“He just said, ‘look, if you play again best-case scenario if you get hit like this you’re going to lose all your memory and have some problems. Worse case you’ll end up in a wheelchair or you’ll die’. So, that for me, especially having a daughter, I just can’t take that risk. It’s awful because I love rugby. I’d play it until I was 65 if I could. It wasn’t a tough decision but it’s a hard one to make.
“I’d like to think of myself as quite durable, get stuck in and brush stuff off quite easily. But he had examples he went through with me and I just went ‘this guy knows what he is on about’. When he was telling me I can’t play any more I was happy to just go along with him. The other thing is the way I play is really abrasive. I always try to melt people or run straight, I don’t really step. It just doesn’t go with having that injury, being worried about it.”
Memory loss is a current issue but he’ll take that over some of the scare stories heard from people who suffered strokes similar to his. “I have been in touch with this clinical psychologist who did a load of tests. One was a maths test and I was in the top two per cent in the country, but then my short-term memory was in the bottom one per cent. That is how badly it has dropped.
This time last year, @whhurrell opened up about his mental health experiences as part of @MovemberUK.
Here, we revisit his message for #WorldMentalHealthDay. ? pic.twitter.com/4ySCREXFo1
— Bristol Bears (@BristolBears) October 10, 2019
“I have started writing everything down and have reminders on my phone, about 20 reminders, different stuff, and I would write everything down in my book just to reference it. It will get better as the brain finds different pathways basically to figure things out. But I’m quite lucky as I did have some worse symptoms early on.
“I started having really bad anxiety and panic attacks and was worried that might be ongoing, but they have pretty much sorted themselves out. I do have some language issues like spelling and some words I just can’t read or write sometimes down and when I’m speaking sometimes I can lose where I am, but it’s improving.
“I’m lucky really because a lot of people I have spoken to who have had this sort of stroke have had issues with their hand or their leg. They are times when they just get really frustrated or aggressive. I have been really lucky with where I have ended up and the fact that I’m already looking at some pretty high profile jobs, I feel quite lucky I can just crack on like that.
10 years ago today!! Make you feel old fellas?? @AlexLewington48 @Minion_Kev1 @George_Fordy @Manutuilagi @whhurrell #lids pic.twitter.com/fc905rvhak
— Tom Armes (@TomArmes_) May 14, 2019
“There is no rush but at the same time, it is busy. I’m doing a load of planning and networking at the moment which is going to set me up to then move into something. I have got courses (personal training, nutrition, maths) that I’m in the middle of. Unfortunately, family court I’m in the middle. And (injury) rehab. It’s all good, mate.
“Rugby is a really busy schedule and my parents came to all the games but you’d only see them for a couple of hours whereas this time together has been invaluable, absolutely invaluable. We’ve not really had this time together for quite a long time, so I’m actually quite grateful for it.
“It’s one of the positives in the sticky situation I have been in the last few months… I do miss rugby but by the time it does start again I will be in a good position to enjoy going to the games to watch and potentially even coach, which I’m looking at as well.”
Comments on RugbyPass
Ardie is a legend. Finished and klaar. Two things: “Yeah, yeah, I have had a few conversations with Razor just around feedback on my game and what I am doing well, what I need to improve on or work-ons. It’s kind of been minimal, mate, but it’s all that I need over here in terms of how to be better, how to get better and what I am doing well.” I hope he’s downplaying it - and that it’s not “minimal”. The amount of communication and behind the scenes preparation the Bok coaches put into players - Rassie and co would be all over Ardie and being clear on what is expected of him. This stands out for me as something teams should really be looking at in terms of the boks success from a coaching point of view. And was surprised by the comment - “minimal”. In terms of the “debate” around Ireland and South Africa. Nice one Ardie. There’s no debate.
1 Go to commentsThere’s a bit of depth there but realistically Australian players have a long way to go to now catch up. The game is moving on fast and Australia are falling behind. Australian sides still don’t priories the breakdown like they should, it’s a non-negotiable if you want to compete on the international stage. That goes for forwards and backs. The Australian team could have a back row that could make a difference but the problem is they don’t have a tight five that can do the business. Tupou is limited in defence, overweight and unfit and the locks are a long way from international standard. Frost is soft and Salakai-Loto is too small so that means they need a Valentini at 8 who has to do the hard graft so limits the effectiveness of the backrow. Schmidt really needs to get a hard working, tough tight 5 if he wants to get this team firing.
3 Go to commentsSorry Morgan you must have been the “go to for a quote” ex player this week. Its rnd 6 and there is plenty of time to cement a starting 15 and finishing 8 so I have no such concerns.
2 Go to commentsGreat read. I wish you had done this article on the ROAR.
2 Go to commentsThe current AB coaching team is basically the Crusaders so it smacks of wanting their familiar leaders around. This is not a good look for the future of the ABs or the younger players in Super working their way up the player ladder. Razor is touted as innovative, forward looking but his early moves look like insecurity and insular, provincial thinking. He is the AB's coach not the Golden Oldies.
10 Go to commentsSimple reason for wanting him back. Robertson wants him as captain. Otherwise he wouldn’t be bothering chasing him. Not enough reason to come back just to mentor.
10 Go to commentsI had not considered this topic like this at all, brilliant read. I had been looking at his record at the Waratahs and thought it odd the Crusaders appointed him, then couple that with all that experience and talent departing and boom. They’ve got some great talent developing though, and in all honesty I don’t think anyone would be over confident taking them on in a playoff match, no matter how poor the first half of their season was. I think they can pull a game out of their ass when it counts.
2 Go to commentsNot a bad list but not Porecki and not Donaldson. Not because they are Tahs, or Ex Tahs, they are just not good enough. Edmed should be ahead. Far more potential. Wilson should be 8 and Valentini 6. Wilson needs to be told by his father and his coach, stop bloody running in to brick wall defence. You’re not playing under the genius Thorn any more. He’s a fantastic angle runner. The young new 8 from the Brumbies looks really good too. The Lonegrans are just too small for international rugby as is Paisami, as is Hamish Stewart at 12. Both great at Super Rugby level. Stewart could have been a great 10 if not for Brad Thorn. Uru should be there and so should Tupou. Tupou just needs good Australian coaching which he hasn’t been getting. I don’t think Schmidt will excite him.
3 Go to commentsIf he wants to come back then he should. He will be a major asset to the younger locks and could easily be played as an impact player off the bench coming on in the last 30. He is fit, strong and capable and has all the experience to make up for any loss in physical prowess. He could also be brought back with a view to coaching within the structures one day. Duane Vermeulen played until he was 37 or 38. He is now a roaming coach within the South African coaching structures. He was valuable in the last world cup and has been a major influence on Jasper Wiese and other young players which has helped and accelerated their development and growth. Whitelock could do the exact same thing for NZ
10 Go to commentsBrett Excellent words… finally someone (other than DC) has noted that Hanigan is very hard and very good at doing what Backrow should do… his performance via the Drua sauna was quite daunting for those on the other side… very high tackle count… carries with good end result… constant threat to make a good 20-25 meters with those long legs… providing his mass effectively to crunching the Drua pack… Finally he is returning to quality form… way to much injury time over the last 2 years… smart-strong-competent in his skills… caught every lineout throw aimed at him and delivered clean pass to whoever was down below… and he worked hard for the whole 80 minutes… Ned has to be in the top 5 for backrow honors… He knows what is required as he has been there before…
20 Go to commentsI think Sam Whitelock should not touch a return with a bargepole. He went out on a high, playing in the RWC Final. He would be coming back into a team that will be weaker than last years, and might even be struggling to win games, especially against the Boks. Stay in France, enjoy another year with Pau, playing alongside his brother.
10 Go to commentsRyan Coxon has been very impressive considering he was signed by WF as injury cover whilst Uru has been a standout for QR, surprised neither of those mentioned
3 Go to commentsIt’s the massive value he brings with regard team culture/values, preparation, etc. Can’t buy that. I’m hoping to see the young locks get their chance in the big games though.
10 Go to commentsAll good, Gregor, except that you neglected to mention Sam Darry amongst that talented pool of locks. In fact, given Hannah’s inexperience and the fact that Holland won’t be eligible until next year, Lord and Darry might be the frontrunners this year, to join Barrett, Tuipoluto, Va’ii and possibly Whitelock. In fact there might be room for all of them if Barrett played 6 (like Ollie Chessum).
10 Go to commentsHis value is stabilizing the ship 20 - 40 minutes out from the final whistle plus his valuable experience to the underlings coming through.
10 Go to commentsWhat is criminal is she acts like it's no problem her actions have have cause the Italian player to lose her playing career, lose salary, if she did this in day to day life she would be in jail, she is a complete thug!!!
3 Go to commentsCorrect me if i’m wrong but the sadas have to win all games running into the finals yeh nah?
1 Go to commentsDon’t like Diamond but the maul is a joke, the sight of a choke tackle creating a maul then players in offside positions flopping on it killing the ball but then getting the put in? Banal.
3 Go to commentsHopefully Tabai Matson returns to Crusaders as head coach next season.
1 Go to commentsstorm in a teacup really. Penalty only so play on as the try was scored. Now the real question is: why was Maitland allowed to pass the ball off the floor? That is illegal but refs never pick it up.
1 Go to comments