48 Hours Drinking With Rugby's Greatest Losers
Scotty Stevenson spent the weekend in the company of rugby players who’d just been on the receiving end of heartbreaking losses, and he loved every minute of it.
I sat and drank with losers all weekend. Absolute losers. They had given their all for their teams, and their provinces and they had come up short in the one game when it all counted. They were defeated men, pondering what might have been and wearing runners-up medals – quite possibly the saddest adornment ever to grace a player’s neck.
I sat and drank with those Otago losers on Friday night. Coaches Cory Brown and Ben Herring had invited me into their changing shed after the final against North Harbour. Harbour had won the match thanks to a late Bryn Gatland dropped goal that flew through the posts like a wounded duck. After the presentation I stood next to Otago captain Paul Grant as the victors posed for the cameras on his home pitch and sung their team song.
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We watched the performance – the clapping, the cheering, the beautiful joy of it all. Grant stood there and took it all in, wishing, no doubt, that he was the one leading his team in a winning chant. It says much about Paul Grant that he stood there stoically until every last word had echoed around Forsyth Barr Stadium. Then he shrugged his shoulders and said, “I gotta be honest, that’s a pretty good team song”. Then he turned and walked off the field.
I walked into the sheds soon after, to sit and drink with losers. I walked down the long concrete corridor under the main stand, past the North Harbour changing room. Inside they were belting out ‘We Are The Champions’. I opened the door to another scene entirely, one in which perspective and pain existed. What an honour to have been handed the key.
It was the kindest, gentlest, most fraternal place I could have imagined being right then. There were smiles, there were hugs. There was trainer Karl Bloxham and manager Slim Hubbard, two men who would have walked through fire in the dying stages of that final if it meant those boys could have won the game. Sitting quietly on a bench was Dick Knight, the most capped Otago player in history. His boy Adam now wears the big gold ‘O’. There is no greater sight than a father consoling a son just with his presence.
There was Andrew Hore, a farmer from Patearoa, who plays for the Maniototo Maggots at the Offal Pit. He had been called in during the week as injury cover. It was his first game for Otago in sixteen years, and he had arrived that night after tailing all day on the family station that he helps run with his father Jim, mother Sue, and big brother Charlie. I once asked him how big the station was. He said, “Big enough to keep away from each other’s wives.” Hore dispensed consolation from a battered beige suitcase. The boys loved it.
Beers were consumed. They still tasted good. Teihorangi Walden slowly peeled off the thirty lineal metres of medical tape that was holding his shoulder together. There was not much to say about the game. What was done was done. David Latta, one of the great Otago captains, shook hands and said his goodbyes. Maybe that was the best thing to do: shake hands and say goodbye.
I sat and drank with losers on Saturday in another town after another game. I had first met the Buller boys in 2012, when they had played the Lochore Cup final on a windy day at Victoria Square in Westport and won their first-ever title. I had called the game with Richard Turner on a scaffold tower on the northern side. Marty Banks kicked the goals that day. Marty fucken Banks.
Halfway through that game Andrew ‘Roo’ Duncan had climbed the ladder to the commentary box with a chillybin of crayfish and whitebait. When the first try was scored, the Buller boys had all gone hunting under the goal post pads and had found the fifty dollar note that had been put there for the first tryscorer by a man called Brad McKenzie. The money was to be used specifically for the purchase of Purple Goanas. God Bless the Heartland. A year later, I had seen them all again. On that day the final was in Timaru. There was no three-day celebration after that game. There was, however, more whitebait and crayfish.
On Saturday, there was whitebait and crayfish again, waiting for me in the freezer in a hotel in Whanganui. “Just send the chillybin back when you’ve finished with it,” said the note. Before the Meads Cup final the Buller boys gathered in the team room and feasted on beef and ham and pasta and potatoes. Then they rolled down to Cook’s Gardens and almost upset the most dominant team in Heartland Rugby history.
They were losers though. And later that night I sat and drank with them. We drank beers and Cody’s. Cody’s, a pre-mixed can of bourbon and coke, happens to be the preferred tipple of loosehead prop Logan ‘Fazza’ Mundy, who played his 100th game for Buller earlier this season. The entire team celebrated with a Cody’s and a ciggie. Those that didn’t indulge in tobacco were handed a spaceman candy cigarette. I think that is about the greatest thing ever.
I sat and drank with a loser named Phil Beveridge who two days later would turn 43. ‘Dozer’, as he is known, blows things up for a living and says he is hanging up his boots now. He only came back to play a handful of pre-season games, he told me. Yet here he was, in the team room after the final. I told him he had to come back. He chuckled away like the Big Friendly Giant and shook his head. Dozer debuted for Buller in 1993. Ciaran Neilsen, the young lock who pushed on his ass in the scrum all season, was born three years after that.
Dozer wasn’t the only old loser in the room. Luke Brownlee had played his 185th game for Buller earlier that day. The week before, after Buller had upset South Canterbury in the Meads Cup semifinal and Brownlee had become the first man to play 150 national provincial championship matches, he had jumped straight into the car with Roo Duncan and driven six hours back to Westport. I asked him why he had been in such a hurry. “I had to mate cows in the morning,” he said.
Brownlee missed two games this season, for the first time in his 18-year provincial career. “I found a hamstring,” he told me when I asked what had happened. “Worst thing is, I wasn’t even on a rugby field. I was chasing a calf on the farm.” Brownlee says he’ll probably give it away, too. He doesn’t like the fact that his wife has to milk the cows while he is away all the time.
Blair McIlroy’s wife Kel is a bit tired of her husband being away as well. ‘Sheep’ lays foundations in Canterbury and lives in Darfield. According to Buller calculations, he has travelled more than 30,000 kilometres to train and play with this team. He played his 50th first class match against Whanganui and came away looking like an early Halloween costume. He sat and drank beer and iced his shiner.
There was beer pong, and there were laughs. Andrew Stephens, the little halfback and captain, beamed at the room. Family and friends and wives and partners sat around and laughed. Kel Sullivan turned up with pizzas at midnight. Coach Craig ‘Bart’ Scanlon sung the praises of his boys, and singled out young Dan Hytongue for special mention. Hytongue has found a band of brothers and some great fathers in this team. He was picked for the Heartland XV for the first time this season.
I dropped a smoke bomb and vanished just after 2am. I turned and looked back at the room as I left. It was the best place in the world right then. Honest, open, full of good cheer and great friends. Podge McKay was probing. Glen ‘Burger’ Duncan and Fazza Mundy were conspiring. There would never be a night like this again, not with all those old-stagers pulling the pin. It was a night that needed bottling.
They were all losers, these men. And they were glorious in their defeats. I sat and drank with losers all weekend long. They let me in, they shared their stories. We swallowed gin and laughed awhile. I finished the season thinking this: if drinking with losers can make me feel this good about people, I hope these fine blokes never learn how to win.
Comments on RugbyPass
Did the highlanders party too hard before the game? They were the pits.
1 Go to commentsWhat a player! Not long until he’s in the England side, surely?
1 Go to commentsHe seems to have the same aura as Marcus Smith - by which I mean he’s consistently judged as if he’s several years younger than he actually is. Mngomezulu has played 24 times for the Stormers. When Pollard was his age he had played 24 times for South Africa! He has more time to develop, but he has also had time to do some developing already, and he hasn’t demonstrated nearly as much talent in that time as one would expect. If he is a generational talent, then it must be a pretty poor generation.
4 Go to commentsThe greatest Springbok coach of all time is entirely on the money. Rassie and Jacques have given the south african public a great few years, but the success of the springbok selection policy will need to be judged in light of what comes next. The poor condition that the provincial system is currently in doesn’t bode well for the next few years of international rugby, and the insane 2026 schedule that the Boks have lined up could also really harm both provincial and international consistency.
15 Go to commentsJake White is a brilliant coach and a master in the press. This is another masterclass in media relations and PR but its also a very narrow view with arguments that dont always hold water. White wants his team to win, he wants the best players in SA and wants his team competitive. You however have to face up to the reality of a poor exchange rate and big clubs with big budgets. SA Rugby cant compete and unless it can find more money SA players will keep leaving regardless of Springbok eligibility and this happened in 2015 - 2017. Also rugby is not cricket. Cricket has 3 formats and T20 cricket is where the money is at. When it comes to club vs country the IPL is king but that wont happen because the international calendar does not clash with the club calendar in rugby. So the argument about rugby going down the same path as cricket is really a non-starter
15 Go to commentsNZ rugby seem not to have learnt anything from professional rugby. Super rugby was dying and SA left before they died with the competition. SA rugby did a u turn on their approach to international players playing overseas and such players are now selected for Bok teams. As much as each country would love to retain their players playing in local competitions, this is the way the world is evolving my friends. Move with it or stay 20 years behind the times. One more thing. NZ rugby hierarchy think they are the big cheese. Take a more humble approach guys. You do not seem to have your players best interests at heart.
3 Go to commentsBeaches? In Cardiff? Where?
1 Go to commentsHe is right , the Crusaders will be a threat. Scott Barrett, ( particularly), Fergus Burke , Codie Taylor, ( from sabbatical) etc due back soon for the Crusaders. There are others like Zach Gallagher too. People can right the Crusaders off, Top 8 , here we come !!
1 Go to commentsWe will always struggle for money to match the other sides but the least the WRU can do is invest properly in Welsh rugby. Too much has been squandered on vanity projects like the hotel and roof walk amongst others which will never see a massive return. Hanging the 4 pro sides out to dry over the last decade is now coming back to bite the WRU financially as well as on the pitch. You reap what you sow.
1 Go to commentsWhat do you get if you cross a doctor with a fish? A plastic sturgeon
14 Go to commentsWhat happened to feleti Kaitu’u? Hasnt played in a while right?
1 Go to commentsGregor I just can’t agree with you. You are trying to find something that just isn’t there. Jordie Barrett has signed until 2028. By the end of that he would have spent probably 11-12 years on Super Rugby and you say he can’t possibly have one season playing somewhere else. It is absurd. What about this scenario, the NZR play hard ball and he decides to leave and play overseas. How would that affect the competition. There seems to be an agenda by certain journalists to push certain agendas and don’t like it when it’s not to their liking. I fully support the NZR on this. Gregor needs to get a life.
3 Go to commentsHope he stays as believe he can do a great job.
1 Go to commentsMake what step up? Manie has a World Cup winner’s medal around his neck and changed the way the Springboks can play. He doesn’t have anything to prove to anyone. The win record of the Boks with him in the team is tremendous. Sacha can be wonderful and I hope he has a very succesful Bok career, but comparing him to Manie in terms of the next Bok flyhalf is very strange. Manie is the incumbent (not the next) and doing pretty incredibly.
4 Go to comments00 😍 U
1 Go to commentsSabbaticals have helped keep NZ’s very best talent in the country on long term deals - this fact has been left out of this article. Much like the articles calling to allow overseas players to be selected, yet can only name one player currently not signed to NZR who would be selected for the ABs. And in the entire history of NZ players leaving to play overseas, literally only 4 or 5 have left in their prime as current ABs. (Piatau, Evans, Hayman, Mo’unga,?) Yes Carter got an injury while playing in France 16 years ago, but he also got a tournament ending injury at the 2011 World Cup while taking mid-week practice kicks at goal. Maybe Jordie gets a season-ending injury while playing in Ireland, maybe he gets one next week against the Brumbies. NZR have many shortcomings, but keeping the very best players in the country and/or available for ABs selection is not one of them. Likewise for workload management - players missing 2 games out of 14 is hardly a big deal in the grand scheme of things. Again let’s use some facts - did it stop the Crusaders winning SR so many times consecutively when during any given week they would be missing 2 of their best players? The whole idea of the sabbatical is to reward your best players who are willing to sign very long term deals with some time to do whatever they want. They are not handed out willy-nilly, and at nowhere near the levels that would somehow devalue Super Rugby. In this particular example JB is locked in with NZR for what will probably (hopefully) be the best years of his career, hard to imagine him not sticking around for a couple more after for a Lions tour and one more world cup. He has the potential to become the most capped AB of all time. A much better outcome than him leaving NZ for a minimum of 3 years at the age of 27, unlikely to ever play for the ABs again, which would be the likely alternative.
3 Go to commentsJake White talks more sense than anything I've read in the last 5 years. Hope someone's listening.
15 Go to commentsThe Springboks tried going down the road of only picking home-based players and it was an unmitigated disaster in 2016 and 2017. Picking overseas-based players has been one of the main reason the Boks have done so well since 2018, not only because of the quality Rassie could call on, but because of the knowledge and experience those players brought into camp from England, France and Japan. With some of the big names playing abroad it also gave younger players in SA the chance to break through at franchise level. Would we have seen the emergence of a Ruan Nortje if RG and Lood were still at the Bulls? Not so sure. I understand why Jake would want to block players leaving since his job depends on good results but it’s an approach that would take Bok rugby back to the bad old days and no South African wants to see that.
15 Go to commentsExeter were thumped by 38 points. And they only had to hop on a train.
39 Go to commentsI am De Groot.
1 Go to comments