Six Nations mid-term report cards: England still on track for an A, but Wales must try harder
Lee Calvert dons his headmaster’s mortar board to give his Six Nations mid-term report to each of the squads.
ENGLAND
What’s going well? Elliott Daly, the defence, Jedi mind-tricking opposition into dropping the ball or missing touch, Eddie’s press conference trolling.
Needs more work: Scrum-half decision making, playing well for more than ten minutes at a time, understanding rules of rugby. Tom Wood’s entire hair strategy.
Effort: Started the tournament well in the face of some lost colleagues and they continue to try hard in all endeavours, particularly in defence. They are to be commended for never being afraid to ask questions about things they don’t understand even when it will cause them worldwide public embarrassment.
Achievement: Three wins is a fair reward for all their defensive efforts so far and the Grand Slam remains a possibility. However, they are no further on than a year ago in terms of their play and game awareness as displayed by the how incredibly flummoxed they were in the face of Italy doing something that required England players to actually think.
IRELAND
What’s going well? Connor Murray and Johnny Sexton remain the best half-back pairing in Europe
Needs more work: The back three containing the many inexplicable caps of Keith Earls, pound shop Zoolander Rob Kearney and the general shambles Simon Zebo. The lineout.
Effort: Ireland are a capable lot who let themselves down by not trying hard enough in the opening weekend against a Scotland team they were capable of beating. They have since knuckled down to the task at hand.
Achievement: Lost 1, won 2. After the defeat in Edinburgh they have casually trampled all over Italy and then taught France what something called a gameplan in the rain looks like.
SCOTLAND
What’s going well? The breakdown; Scotland’s back row is fully over the Dave Denton years and is looking destructive and canny again. Stuart Hogg continues to be ridiculous, and after years of stunted creativity, they suddenly can’t stop scoring tries.
Needs more work: Conceding tries is still an issue and the scrum is too often like a septic tank on wheels. Alex Dunbar’s comedy kicking out of hand.
Effort: While all teams try hard what is most heartening about Scotland is that they apply most of their effort to attack. It has paid off on one level in that opposition teams will have to score at least three tries to beat them. It has not paid off in that this still looks a likely outcome too often.
Achievement: Two great wins at home over Ireland and Wales. Their only loss was in France where the scrum problems were apparent but they also lost a number of players to injury. Had the injuries and related disruption not happened in Paris it is not outlandish to state that they could’ve been three from three going into the final two rounds.
WALES
What’s going well? Liam Williams, Ross Moriarty and Sam Warburton are showing well, beyond that the tournament is a bit like one of those YouTube epic fail compilation videos but with less laughter.
Needs more work: Selection, creativity, game plan, discipline, Alun Wyn Jones’ captaincy. Other than that it’s going fine for interim management buffoon Rob Howley.
Effort: Wales continue to try hard with limited ambition and nous, embodied in Ken Owens who deserves far more for his incredible efforts for his team than the dreck around him. Wave after wave of players running straight at a defence for no reward does, in fairness to the players, require a great deal of effort.
Achievement: Lost 2 against anyone decent, won 1 against Italy. Next up are Ireland and France, both of which present about as much hope for Wales fans as John Lacey correctly interpreting a scrum collapse.
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FRANCE
What’s going well? Louis Picamoles is a wrecking ball at eight and some va-va-voom is present in their play after the many years of hideousness under Phillippe Saint-Andre.
Needs more work: Gameplan, in that they don’t have one. That is unless you call repeatedly and aimlessly passing it laterally to the player next to you and saying “you have a go now” a gameplan.
Effort: There’s plenty of buzzing about and passing from the backs and the forwards are giving it plenty of wellie in the tight. But effort can only take you as far as your fitness allows and some of the French pack, in particular, look like they’ve escaped from fat camp on the first night.
Achievement: Bullied a victory at home against a depleted Scotland, ran a misfiring England close in the first week and were comprehensively out-thought and outplayed by Ireland. If you look beyond the odd flourish that’s been added, it could be argued that they remain a poor side.
Italy
What’s going well? Sergio Parisse as per usual, but also his back row partner Simone Favaro. Their ability to bamboozle the ruck.
Needs more work: Resilience. It all appears to be going well until they concede, after which their heads drop faster than aristocracy in the French Revolution. The continuing lack of selection of Michele Campagnaro in the centre. Luke McLean, who remains ever-present as the unflushable turd of Italian rugby.
Effort: They are fired up right up to the point they concede their first try, after that there are varying levels of effort from ‘can’t be arsed’ through to ‘if I have to.’ Apart from Sergio, who appears to be powered by a combination of unicorn dust and rocket fuel.
Achievement: Before that England match they looked to be having their worst year ever, before their ruck shenanigans gave them back a modicum of self-respect. However, they’ve still lost all three and there appears little chance this trend will change.
Comments on RugbyPass
Thanks for that Marshy, noticed you didn't say who is gonna win it. We know who ain't gonna win it - your Crusaders outfit. They've gone from having arguably the best Super Rugby first five ever, to having a clutch of rookies. Hurricanes all the way!
1 Go to commentsGeez you really have to question the NRLs ability to produce players of quality. Its pathetic. Dont the 25mil in Aus produce enough quality womens players. Sad.
1 Go to commentsBulls fan here, and agree 100% with the conclusion (and little else) of this article. SA sides should absolutely f-off from the champs cup until we get fair scheduling, equal support for travel arrangements and home semis. You know, like all the european teams get.
20 Go to commentsI’m yet to see why Grace would be an ABs contender. He’s pedestrian and lacks the dominance required of a top flight 8.
9 Go to commentsGee my Highlanders were terrible. They have gone backwards since the start of the season. The trouble began when we left Millar behind to prep as the 10 against the Brumbies and he was disconnected from the team that came back from Aussie. We rested Patchell for that game and we blew an avalanche of ball in good attacking positions in the 1st half. Against the Rebels we seem to of gone into a pod system with forwards hanging off from the breakdown leaving Fakatava to secure our ball!
78 Go to commentsPot Kettle, the English and French teams have done it for years.
20 Go to commentsHas virtually played every minute of previous games. Back row of Li Lo Willie , Grace and Blackadder would be the 1. Crusaders issue is a very average 1st 5 who cannot run. Kicking in general play is also below par They need to put Yong Kemara in. He must have so.e talent for them to bring him down from Waikato. Hoehepa would struggle to play in so.e club sided
9 Go to commentsI hope this a good thing making all these changes!
2 Go to commentsThe Hurricanes are good, especially with a decent coach now. However, let’s be real, the Crusaders and Chiefs are clearly a good degree weaker without the players they’ve lost overseas now. The Canes lost one player. It’s also why the aussie teams ‘seem’ to be stronger.
9 Go to commentsOr you could develop your own players instead of constantly taking from the SH competition and weakening it in the process? With all the player and financial resources these unions have compared to SH countries you’d think they could manage that, or is weakening the SH comps and their national sides an added bonus? Probably.
3 Go to commentsNot so fast Aaron, we might need you in black yet lol. God knows he’d be a lot less nerve-racking than hot and (very) cold players like Perofeta. It’s really a shame Reuben Love isn’t playing 10, we’ve got enough 15 options.
4 Go to commentsAnd those from the NH still seem to be puzzled (and delighted) why NZ’s depth isn’t what it once was. Over 600 NZ players overseas, that’s insane. This sort of deal is why Super Rugby coaches have admitted they struggle now to find enough quality to fill out their squads.
6 Go to commentsArticle intéressant ! La question devrait régulièrement se poser pour les jeunes français originaires de Nouvelle-Calédonie, Wallis-et-Futuna et de Polynésie entre la Nouvelle-Zélande et la Métropole… Difficile pour la fédération française de rugby de se positionner : soit le choix est fait de dénicher les jeunes talents et de les faire venir très tôt en Métropole, au risque de les déraciner, soit on prend le risque de se les faire “piller” par les All Blacks qui, telle une araignée, essaye de récupérer tous les talents des îles du Pacifique… À la France de se défendre en développant l’aura du XV de France et des clubs français dans ses collectivités d’Outre-mer !
3 Go to commentsWrong bay. He needs to come to the REAL BAY which is Bay Of Plenty and have a crack at making the Chiefs.
3 Go to commentsIs Barrett going play full back??? They already have all the centers…
16 Go to commentsForgive my ignorance, I might not fully understand so would appreciate clarification: Didn’t the Bulls have to fly with three different carriers, paid for by the South African Rugby Union, whilst Edinburgh got a chartered flight sponsored by EPCR? Also, as far as I understand it South African teams don’t yet share in the revenue from the competition and are not allowed to host Semi-finals or Finals at home. Surely if everyone wants South Africans to “take the competition seriously” then they must make South Africans feel welcome, allow them to share in the revenue, and give them the same levels of access as the teams from the other countries. Just a reminder that South Africa has a large and passionate Rugby audience. Just by virtue of our teams being a part of these competitions means that more of us are likely to watch the knockout games, even if our teams haven’t qualified. It would be silly to alienate such a large audience by making them feel unwelcome.
20 Go to commentsFirst of all. This guy is very much behind the curve. All the bleating, whingeing, whining and moaning took place days ago already. Not adding anything to the topic other than more bleating, whingeing, whining and moaning. 🍼 Second of all, not one mention of the fact that South African teams can’t get home semi finals or finals. The tournament was undermined and devalued by the administrators. 🤡 Thirdly, football teams often have to juggle selections in mid week games, premier games, champions league games etc. and will from time to time prioritize certain titles over others. 🐒 And lastly FEK Neil, and anyone else for that matter, for insisting on telling teams how to manage themselves. If they make what is largely a business decision that suits them and doesn’t suit you - tough shite. 💩 It’s not rocket science as to why the Bulls did what they did. If this guy is too slow to figure it out (and is deliberately not mentioning one of the key reasons why) then he isn’t a journalist. He should join the rest of us pundit plebs in comments section. 🥴
20 Go to commentsSo the first door to knock on Rob is Parliament followed by HMRC. The Irish Revenue deliver a 40% tax relief rebate on the HIGHEST EARNING TEN YEARS of every pro Irish rugby players contract earnings at retirement. That goes a long way to both retaining their best talent and freeing up wages for marquee players. Who knows, if that had been in place in the UK, you might not have been able to poach Hoggy and Jonny Gray from Glasgow…!!!
3 Go to comments1. True, if that “free” ticket means access to all but the prized exhibit - EVIP only. SA cannot host semis, even if they’ve earned it (see Sharks vs ASM Clermont Auvergne at… Twickenham Stoop). 2. Why no selective outrage over Lyon doing the exact same thing a week earlier? Out of all the countries France send the most “B teams”, why nobody talking about “disrespect” and “prioritising domestic leagues” and “kicking them out”? 3. Why no mention of the Sharks fielding all of their Springboks for the second rate Challenge cup QF? No commitment? 4. Why no mention of all the SA teams qualifying for respective euro knock out comps in the two seasons they’ve been in it? How many euro teams have qualified for KO’s in their history? Can’t compete? 5. Why no mention of SA teams beating French and English giants La Rochelle and Saracens? How many euro teams have done that in their history? Add no quality? The fact is that SA teams are only in their second season in europe, with no status and a fraction of the resources. Since joining the URC, SA has seen a repatriation of a number of players, and this will only grow once SA start sharing in the profits of competing in these comps, meaning bigger squads with greater depth and quality, meaning they don’t have to prioritise comps as they have to now - they don’t have imports from Pacifica and South America and everywhere else in between like “European” teams have - also less “Saffas” in Prem and T14, that’s what we want right? 'If the South Africans are in, they need to be all in' True, and we have to ensure we give them the same status and resources as we give everyone else to do just that. A small compromise on scheduling will go a long way in avoiding these situations, but guess what, France and England wont compromise on scheduling because they ironically… prioritise their domestic comps, go figure!
20 Go to commentsthe success of the premiership can be summarized by : only 10 teams. It makes a huge difference with the overcrowded top 14 (let us not talk about Leinster and URC…)
2 Go to comments