LONG READ ‘No-one could remember such a crazy game. Or explain that last 10 minutes. No matter.'

The Wallabies have recorded the craziest win in living memory… feels like the sort of thing to say after that absolutely bonkers 42-38 win over South Africa in Perth on Sunday.

But then I had to check to see if I said the same thing after the Wallabies’ memorable 38-22 win at Ellis Park last August. I hadn’t, as it turned out, but Sunday still might only have been the craziest win in… well, a year.

What made this particular result so crazy were the expectations leading into the game. Yes, Australia had been presented with a massive opportunity to beat South Africa. That in itself hadn’t happened on home soil since 2022, and not in Perth since 2014 (there was a 23-23 draw in 2017).

But they still had to make the most of this opportunity. Despite never trailing at half-time in their eight Tests so far this year, the Wallabies have still left themselves open to be chased down several times. Ireland and France were good enough to win; Japan and Argentina weren’t quite.

So all the nerves Australian rugby fans felt last week were entirely valid, and never too far away as the game began.

24^th minute: Australia draw level through Len Ikitau

Despite Joseph-Aukuso Suaalii soaring to win the kick-off contest, he was pounced upon by Springboks ball-thief Paul de Villiers for an immediate turnover penalty in response.

Ben Donaldson was stopped well behind the gain line as the Wallabies looked to play wide from a lineout a short time later, and after popping a desperation ball to Max Jorgensen, he too was swooped upon by de Villiers. Handre Pollard converted this penalty into the first points of the game in the fourth minute, and Wallabies fans might already have been finding a new fingernail to chew.

From another turnover penalty in front of the Wallabies posts, the Springboks set their lineout drive for a patient advance that took a slight shift of direction and a definite second shove to get rolling, but once it was rolling, Johan Grobbelaar was always going to score.

But there were signs, too. Donaldson threw a great ball to put Fraser McReight and Harry Wilson away down the left edge. Their defensive adjustments out wide hurried a forward pass to Ethan Hooker on ‘Boks left edge, and they started winning turnovers, too; first McReight pilfered just as South Africa were winding up their transition attack, then Brandon Paenga-Amosa did the same after Jorgensen narrowly missed winning an aerial contest.

When the Springboks went off their feet in their own 22, the Wallabies five-metre lineout set up their pick-and-drive platform. This has become a genuine strength over the last 12 months, and as they edged to the middle of the field, Len Ikitau was only looking for one thing as he loomed on the outside of Lukhan Salakaia-Loto’s hip.

This was a really promising start from the Australians.

27^th minute: Ikitau goes bang-bang to extend Australia lead

 South Africa were pinged for being in front of the kicker at the restart, and this felt like one of those things that should be pulled up more often than it is. They were in front by a long way, too; Hooker out on the left edge was two or three metres into the Australian half by the time Pollard kicked it.

But that did mean the Wallabies were forced into a scrum contest. Is this Rassie Erasmus 4D-chess again? Was Springbok tardiness about to be rewarded? Thankfully not, but that was another fingernail gone.

This was really good. This was selection decision leading in-game decision-making, backed up by great game awareness.

The Wallabies played down the right shorter side, Lonergan was directing things around well, and with penalty advantage, launched a towering bomb for Suaalii, who interestingly came through one-in from the wing, with Hunter Paisami on the edge. Ikitau was looming one-off and one-back, in racing parlance.

Suaalii got up well, but Springbok full-back Aphelele Fassi actually dominated the aerial space beautifully, twisting in a way that knocked Suaalii away from the ball, but also forced him to catch the ball almost behind him, instead cannoning off his shoulder into the waiting arms of Ikitau, who raced away for a second try in a couple of minutes.

This was really good. This was selection decision leading in-game decision-making, backed up by great game awareness.

40^th minute: Donaldson lingers out wide to finish things off

Unfortunately, it was Ikitau’s miss on Canan Moodie that created the opportunity for Edwill van der Merwe to hit straight back for the ‘Boks, and that really handy seven point lead evaporated in seconds.

But it was also a handy reminder that South Africa really don’t want to repeat the Ellis Park embarrassment and let the Wallabies get away a second time in 12 months. They’d been saying for a week they weren’t going to do that, remember?

Australia’s defence had generally been holding up pretty well. Even after the try, whenever South African wanted to go direct, they were being stopped regularly and often, and really not making the same gain line inroads we saw through the Greatest Rivalry series.

Ikitau made a line break like no-one remembers, and was that a Paisami double-pump? Either way, the Wallabies delivered stable scrum ball and again found space up through the middle of the Springboks.

Wright got a neat little grubber kick through for Jorgensen to convert into a break down the edge, and then after playing right-right-right, a couple of quick short passes through midfield saw Suaalii put Donaldson over in the corner. The Wallabies led yet another game at half-time.

Penalties are cool again; Wallabies keep building

Many an Australian rugby fan in the days since have chuckled at former Wallabies captain Michael Hooper applauding their decision on Stan Sport to kick two more penalty goals after half-time, as the Wallabies opened up a 30-17 lead to feed the first pangs of excited possibility.

This should be happening more than it is; Lonergan’s three penalties in Perth still only brings the tally of attempts to six this year, which is still not one per Test. But when you’ve now got an 88% goal-kicker, why wouldn’t you?

The Springboks emptied their bench, and it proved to be a risky move to leave no injury cover for the last 30 minutes.

Harry Wilson was denied a try in the corner, but reached through and scored the next minute to push the lead out to 20 with Lonergan’s conversion. Jorgensen then pounced on a loose ball from an otherwise pretty vanilla Springboks backline sequence and ran 60m. Lonergan pushed the conversion wide, but it almost didn’t matter.

Were the Wallabies really going to win this? Were they going to beat the Boks again? Was 25 points enough? Could it be even more? All nails were gone, we’d moved onto finger joints. The Bomb Squad hadn’t delivered a point yet, but surely they would. Australia just needed to close out the last 15 minutes.

Final 10 minutes: strap yourselves in

Eben Etzebeth was told he couldn’t come off. Was sending the totemic lock back onto the field when possibly injured, but now definitely angry, a good idea?

Suaalii was pinged for an awkward but still high tackle, and the Springboks took the scrum option. Thanks. A replay of the Malcolm Marx tackle showed Wilson might have got him genuinely high. The ref-to-TMO comms had been intermittent all night, and it took a while for the TMO’s carrier pigeon to get down to ground level with the check-check message.

Wilson did get Marx high. The Wallabies had to finish with 14 men (or so we thought), and the Springboks again took the scrum option. Replacement scrum-half Morne van den Berg was held up under penalty advantage, but actually knocked it on. This scrum looked ominous.

The Springboks took the scrum option again. It was try line-bound, and Lonergan curiously dived on the ball. Instead of just conceding five points, it was now a penalty try, automatic seven points, and Lonergan joined his captain on the naughty chair.

The Boks tried to play out of their half and Tom Wright took another intercept against the Springboks. It’s Ellis Park all over again. But hold the phone. Literally. The TMO was on the line.

But it’s OK. The Wallabies could still regroup, knuckle down and just close this out, right?

Nope. Sacha Feinberg-Mngomezulu and Moodie broke away from the restart, leaving the Wallabies defending their line again. Someone was offside and the Boks kicked wide for Van der Merwe to score with the two-man advantage. Except he dropped it.

But Suaalii was the man ruled offside, and it was after a line-break, so he copped a card too. The Wallabies had had five cards in seven Tests. Suddenly it was three in three minutes. Now it was 15 on 12 and getting ridiculous.

The Springboks took the scrum option again. Hooper suggested the Wallabies needed to collapse legally to eat up more time. Van den Berg had his second try and the lead was back to 11. Oh, and the scoreboard needed adjusting, too.

The Boks tried to play out of their half and Tom Wright took another intercept against the Springboks. It’s Ellis Park all over again. But hold the phone. Literally. The TMO was on the line.

But Paisami caught Feinberg-Mngomezulu high. Another yellow card. Four now. In seven minutes. The Wallabies had to finish with 11 men, and social media is full of people saying they’ve never seen 15 on 11. Of course they haven’t! (*though it has happened a few times before in Test rugby)

Ox Nche scored and there was still time for a restart. Sunday night was edging closer to Monday morning. By small mercies, the game had gone on long enough for the sin-binned Wilson and Lonergan to return.

But Quan Horn ran across in front of his captain – the easiest obstruction call ever. Andre Piardi blew time.

No-one could remember such a crazy game. Aside from the one 12 months ago, which now feels kind of run-of-the-mill.

The Wallabies beat South Africa, again. Les Kiss remains unbeaten as head coach.

And no-one can explain that last 10 minutes. It may never be explainable. It won’t matter.