Power Ranking the All Blacks based on Lima Sopoaga anecdotes
Former All Black and current Wasps first-five eighth Lima Sopoaga recently gave The Daily Mail the inside word on Steve Hansen’s starting side to face England this weekend.
Sopoaga, a 16-Test veteran, delivered a handful of anecdotes about each player in the lineup. Naturally, we decided to rank everyone based on his assessment.
15. Rieko Ioane
Coming in at number 15, the bottom spot, is star winger Rieko Ioane. According to Sopoaga, Ioane likes to call himself ‘Swaggy Reeks’. The only thing that ‘reeks’ is that nickname.
Even worse, it’s self-appointed, which is breaking the nickname law.
14. Sonny Bill Williams
Sopoaga states that he used to skip school just to watch highlight tapes of mercurial midfielder Sonny Bill Williams.
Attending school is a legal requirement in New Zealand, so anyone instigating truancy needs to slip down our rankings.
13. Damian McKenzie
The All Blacks’ electrifying fullback ‘loves Fortnite’, but sounds too emotionally invested in the video game. He can’t handle Brodie Retallick and Liam Squire turning off the TV or ‘he’ll get all sad about it!’. Tough look for the youngster.
12. Aaron Smith
It sounds like Aaron Smith spends a fair bit of time ‘taking the L’ in popular video game Fortnite. He comes in just ahead of Damian McKenzie, who is reportedly good at Fortnite.
11. Ben Smith
Sopoaga doesn’t rate Ben Smith’s golf swing, which means I can’t rate him very highly here. There are 12 Ben Smiths registered with New Zealand Golf and the lowest handicap any of them play off is a 15.4, so there is no evidence to refute Sopoaga’s claim.
10. Codie Taylor
Sopoaga made note of Taylor’s ‘bromance’ with All Blacks winger Waisake Naholo. What is it with hookers thinking they are wingers?
9. Sam Whitelock
Whitelock’s assessment is pretty cut and dry. The man loves hunting and fishing, which perfectly matches his primitive on-field style and love for all the dirty work.
8. Ardie Savea
Ardie Savea ‘thinks he’s the Russell Westbrook of rugby’. Wins points for bringing back the turtleneck.
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7. Jack Goodhue
Word that Goodhue missed a training camp to help milk cows is a fantastic call to All Blacks past. Stan Meads must be proud.
6. Owen Franks
The 104 Test prop brought a protein shake to his own wedding to ensure he didn’t get ‘hangry’. Power move.
5. Karl Tuinukuafe
Tu’inukuafe’s upper lip gets all the respect here. As Sopoaga said, ‘nice moustache’. Perhaps one of the best in All Black history.
4. Beauden Barrett
According to Sopoaga, Barrett should have his PGA tour card and be duking it out with Justin Rose and Brooks Koepka. He is ‘the man’.
3. Kieran Read
Captain Kieran reportedly spends a lot of time playing cards in hotel lobbies while relaxing. The last time I heard about professional athletes playing cards, Michael Jordan was on a plane and stakes were higher than the altitude. I’m going to imagine it’s the same type of deal with the All Blacks.
2. Brodie Retallick
Sopoaga credits the big lock for starting the All Blacks’ mullet movement.
What else is left to say. Mullets are officially BACK.
1. Liam Squire
Sopoaga’s anecdote about his former Highlanders teammate instantly shot the loose forward to the top of the rankings.
Another big hunting advocate, 39% of his Instagram posts include a dead pig (I did the math). But in the end all it took was seven magical words to seal Squire’s spot at the top of the rankings. ‘Always hooks the boys up with roasts.’
The Sultan of Swine, he’ll always have a place in my team.
In other news:
Comments on RugbyPass
Ouch. Even Nohamba is a better flyhalf than Ford.
2 Go to commentsI hope Leinster’s proud of themselves fielding a poor team. They should decide if they’re all in or not.
2 Go to commentsJordie is looking at 16 games maximum if Leinster reach both the URC and champions cup finals. Thats not guaranteed. Some of those home URC fixtures will be cakewalks as well for Leinster and there is not much doing during the 6 nations in Feb and March so he can probably get a decent rest then. He will have to really put in it for maybe 7 or 8 games max. It should be a good move for both.
13 Go to commentsThe game was a quarter final, not a semi final. Barrett will be here for 6 months, he is no one's replacement at 13. That mantle will most likely ultimately go to Jamie Osborne, though Garry Ringrose has at least 4 more years in him. The long term problem position (in the next 3 years) for Leinster is tighthead prop, though there are a couple of prospects at schools level.
25 Go to commentsSo much for all that hype surrounding the ‘revival’ of Aussie rugby. The Blues were without the likes of regular starters Perofeta, Sullivan, Christie etc… This was a capitulation of the highest order by Australia’s finest. Joe Schmidt definitely has his work cut out for him.
2 Go to commentsYes they can ignore Sotutu. Like Akira Ioane plays OK at Super level but gets lost in tests. Too many chances too many failures.
2 Go to commentsA wallaby front-row of Bell, Blake and Tupou…now that would be hefty
1 Go to comments“But with an exceptional pass accuracy rating “ Which apart from Roigard is not a feature of any of the other 9s in NZ. Kind of basic for a Black 9 dont.you. think? Yet we keep seeing FC and TJ being rated ahead of him? Weird if it’s seen as vital to get our backline beating in your face defences.
1 Go to commentsThanks BeeMc! Looks like many teams need extra time to settle from the quadrennial northern migration. I think generally the quality of the Rugby has held up. Fiji has been fantastic and fun to watch
13 Go to commentsLets compare apples with apples. Lyon sent weak team the week before, but nobody raised an eyebrow. Give the South African teams a few years to build their depth, then you will be moaning that the teams are too strong.
41 Go to commentsDid footballs agents also perform the scout role at some time? I’m surprised more high profile players haven’t taken up the occupation, great way to remain in the game and use all that experience without really requiring a lot of specific expertise?
1 Go to commentsSuper rugby is struggling but that has little to do with sabbaticals. 1. Too many teams from Aust and NZ - should be 3 and 4 respectively, add in 2 from Japan, 1 possibly 2 from Argentina. 2. Inconsistent and poor refereeing, admittedly not restricted to Super rugby. Only one team was reffed at the breakdown in Reds v H’Landers match. Scrum penalty awarded in Canes v Drua when No 8 had the ball in the open with little defence nearby - ideal opportunity to play advantage. Coming back to Reds match - same scrum situation but ref played advantage - Landers made 10 yards and were penalised at the breakdown when the ref should have returned to scrum penalty. 3. Marketing is weak and losing ground to AFL and NRL. Playing 2 days compared with 4. 4. Scheduling is unattractive to family attendance. Have any franchises heard of Sundays 2pm?
13 Go to commentsAbsolutely..all they need is a chance in yhe playoffs and I bet all the other teams will be nervous…THEY KNOW HOW TO WIN IM THE PLAYOFFS..
2 Go to commentsI really hope he comes back and helps out with some coaching.
1 Go to commentsI think we are all just hoping that the Olympic 7s doesn’t suffer the same sad fate as the last RWC with the officials ruining the spectacle.
1 Go to commentsPersonally, I’ve lost the will to even be bothered about the RFU, the structure, the participants. It’s all a sham. I now simply enjoy getting a group of friends together to go and watch a few games a year in different locations (including Europe, the championship, etc). I feel extremely sorry for the real fans of these clubs who are constantly ignored by the RFU and other administrators. I feel especially sorry for the fans of clubs in the Championship who have had considerable central funding stripped away and are then expected to just take whatever the RFU put to them. Its all a sham, especially if the failed clubs are allowed to return.
10 Go to commentsI’m guessing Carl Hayman would have preferred to have stayed in NZ with benefit of hindsight. Up north there is the expectation to play twice as many games with far less ‘player management’ protocols that Paul is now criticising. Less playing through concussions means longer, healthier, careers. Carter used as the eg here by Paul, his sabbatical allowed him to play until age 37. OK its not an exact science but there is far more expectations on players who sign for Top 14 or Engl Prem clubs to get value for the huge salaries. NZR get alot wrong but keeping their best players in NZ rugby is not one of them. SA clubs are virtually devoid of their top players now, no thanks. They cant threaten the big teams in the Champions Cup, the squads have little depth. Cant see Canes/Chiefs struggling. Super has been great this year, fantastic high skill matches. Drua a fantastic addition and Jaguares will add another quality team eventually. Aus teams performing strongly and no doubt will benefit with the incentive of a Lions tour and a home RWC. Let Jordie enjoy his time with Leinster, it will allow the opportunity for another player to emerge at Canes in his absence.
13 Go to commentsLove that man, his way to despise angry little men is so funny ! 😂
6 Go to comments“South African franchises would be powerhouses if we had all our overseas based players back in situ. We would have the same unbeatable aura the Toulouses, Leinsters or Saracens of this world have had over the last decade or so.” Proof that Jake white does not understand the economics of the game in SA. Players earning abroad are not going to simply come back and represent the bulls. But they might if they have a springbok contract.
25 Go to commentsA lot of fans just joined in for the fun of it! We all admire O'Gara and what he has done for La Rochelle
6 Go to comments