The Mitre 10 Cup players most likely to become All Blacks, based solely on their name
Is is possible to sense a rugby player’s future from their name and name alone? Watch these players closely this Mitre 10 Cup season to find out.
There are 14 teams in the Mitre 10 Cup. This week, each of these teams released their squad list for the 2017 season. Each list included approximately 32 names. That means somewhere in the vicinity of 450 players are likely to take part in the Mitre 10 Cup this season. Even under the most intense of rotation policies, some of these players will not go on to play for the All Blacks.
Some of them, however, will. For the casual rugby fan, someone who knows the names of the All Blacks and around 75% of New Zealand Super Rugby players, reading these squad lists will mean seeing the names of some future All Blacks for the first time. Isn’t that exciting?
If you could travel back in time to 1995 and look at the Manawatu NPC squad list, would the name ‘Christian Cullen’ stand out? If you went back to 1994 and saw the name ‘Jonah Lomu’ in the Counties-Manukau squad, would you know this player was destined to become one of the greatest rugby players of all time? Do some names just sound like the names of All Blacks?
This is an experiment, the full results of which may not be known for another 10 years. I want to see if I can pick the future All Blacks based on name and name alone.
Do I have a sixth sense for sporting names, just as the TV character Lovejoy has for rare or valuable antiques? When Lovejoy senses the genuine article in an auction room or estate sale, he will feel a tingle down his spine, his palms will get sweaty, he will get a look in his eye. This type of person is known as a ‘divvy’.
I scrolled through the Mitre 10 Cup squad lists hoping to feel a similar sensation when I read a player’s name. If I heard the voice of Nisbo or TJ in my head, I would know for sure I had found a Chosen One.
I deliberately refrained from Googling players to find out what they look like or any other details such as their age or physical specifications. Nor did I seek any counsel from rugby experts. These are the players – one from each team – who I have divined as future All Blacks.
Am I a ‘divvy’ for future sporting superstars? Follow these players’ careers closely to find out.
Wiseguy Faiane (Auckland) Wiseguy, eh? Bet he’s never heard that one before. I sense this player operates in the back three – fast runner, good in the air, probably has a cool haircut.
Liam Steel (BoP) I sense this player wears a jersey number no lower than 4 and no higher than 8. Hopefully a lock, because ‘Steel and Retallick’ is an absolutely lethal sounding combination.
Oliver Jager (Canterbury) Every time this player makes or breaks a tackle Justin Marshall is going to scream “JAGER-BOMB!” from the back of the commentary box. This is the future. I sense him operating primarily in the number 6 jersey.
Joseph Royal (Counties-Manukau) This is a perfect name for a first five, but my overriding sense it that this player is in fact an enormous front rower. NZ Rugby will have to be careful not to get sued by WWE for use of the phrase ‘Royal Rumble’.
Mason Emerson (Hawke’s Bay) This is the name of a player who could play 50 games for the All Blacks and no one would remember what he looked like. I sense he plays in midfield and has a very low error rate.
Antonio Kiri Kiri (Manawatu) When I look at this name I hear it being said in the voice of Sumo Stevenson, followed immediately by an exclamation like “oh my word!” This augurs well. I sense this player is extraordinarily fast in his movements, probably a halfback.
Ben Volavola (North Harbour) As above, only this name I hear the voice of Grant Nisbett. There a tone of surprise in his voice bordering on incredulity, the type often heard when a front rower scores a try. I sense this player is most likely a prop.
Jack Ram (Northland) Sounds like a front row or lock, but I sense this player is in fact a utility back. I also sense this player is going to win a major international rugby award sometime within the next decade.
Gavin Stark (Otago) Nobody called Gavin has ever played for the All Blacks. I predict this player will be the first, as a fullback in the mould of Ben Smith.
Tupou Sopoaga (Southland) Presumably Lima Sopoaga’s brother, and siblings are trending in the All Blacks at the moment. Alsoo, ‘Tupou’ (Bill, Daniel, Sam Tui-) is a strong rugby/league name. It’s a no-brainer. I sense this player is a second five-eighth.
Leon Power (Taranaki) This sounds like a fake name Grant Nisbett might use to check the levels on his mic before a match. I sense this player is a flanker who will be earnestly described by at least one rugby pundit as “the second coming of Andrew Blowers.”
Pari Pari Parkinson (Tasman) Sonny Bill Williams is going to retire one day but don’t be sad, for there is an even more phonetically-pleasing name waiting in the wings. I sense this player is a very powerful number 8, and has an exceptional head of hair.
Jacob Skeen (Waikato) With a surname that could easily be turned into a verb (‘he skeened through the opposition defence’) this player has it all in front of him. I sense he is a centre who runs great angles.
Greg Foe (Wellington) They said it couldn’t be done, that there would never be a rugby player with a tougher-sounding name than Richard Loe. They were wrong. I sense a long and violent career in the All Blacks scrum for this player.
Comments on RugbyPass
> We are having to adapt, evolve and innovate more than when we were in Super Rugby where there was only really one style that everybody had to play to gain the most success. Have = able to? Interesting what that one style might be? I thought SA sides still had bad tours now, or at least bad schedule, months away? Those extra few hours flights have to be a killer though, no surprise to see their sides doing so badly at the start of the season each year. I wouldn’t enjoy that unfairness as a supporter.
3 Go to commentsThe problem for NZ, and Aus, is they ripped up the SR model and lost a massive chunk of revenue that hasn’t been replaced. Don’t forget SA clubs went North because they were left with no choice, Argy unceremoniously binned and Japan cast adrift. Now SR wasn’t perfect, far from it, but they’ve jumped into something without an effective plan, so far, to replace what they’ve lost. The biggest revenue potential now lies in Japan but it won’t be easy or quick to unlock, they are incredibly insular in culture as a nation. In the meantime, there is a serious time bomb sitting under SH rugby and if it happens then the current financial challenges will look like a picnic. IF the Boks follow their provincial teams and head north then it’s revenue meltdown. Not guaranteed to happen but the status quo is a very odd hybrid, with the Boks pointing one way and the clubs pointing the other way. And for as long as that remains then the threat is real.
34 Go to commentsI think Etene has had some good tuition, likely while at the Warriors to be a professional that helped his rugby jump, but he was certainly thrown in the deep end way too early. Should have arguably 20 less SR caps, and therefor a way better record that he does at his age, but his development would have been fast tracked by the need to satiate his signing away from league. Again, credit to him and others that he has done it so well. Easy to fall over under that pressure in the big leagues like that but he kept at it when I myself wasn’t sure he was good enough.
1 Go to commentsAwesome story. I wonder what a bigger American (SA) scene might have mean for Brex.
1 Go to comments“Johnny McNicholl and the Crusaders” save a Penney. Who has been in camp this week and showed them how to play?
5 Go to commentsSo, reports of the Crusaders’ demise / terminal decline are perhaps just - slightly - premature/exaggerated…? 🤔 Will we see a deep-dive into that by the estimable Rugbypass scribes, and maybe one or two mea culpas? Thought not.
5 Go to comments1. The Chiefs are rudderless without DMac, which enhances his AB chances 2. Chiefs pack are powderpuffs. The hard men arent there anymore 3. They had their golden title chance last yr and wont threaten this yr. Gone in second round of playoffs.
5 Go to commentsHonestly, why did you have to publish such a foolish article the day they play us? 😂
34 Go to comments> They are not standalone entities. They are linked to an amateur association which holds the FFR licence that allows the professional side to compete in the league. That’s a great rule. This looks like the chicken or egg professional scenario. How long is it going to be before the club can break even (if that is even a thing in French rugby)? If the locals aren’t into well it would be good to se them drop to amateur level (is it that far?). Hope they can reset from this level and be more practical, there will be a time when they can rebuild (if France has there setup right).
1 Go to commentsWhat about changing the ball? To something heavier and more pointed that bounces unpredictably. Not this almost round football used these days.
35 Go to commentsThis is the problem with conservative mindsets and phycology, and homogenous sports, everybody wants to be the same, use the i-win template. Athlete wise everyone has to have muscles and work at the gym to make themselves more likely to hold on that one tackle. Do those players even wonder if they are now more likely to be tackled by that player as a result of there “work”? Really though, too many questions, Jake. Is it better Jake? Yes, because you still have that rugby of ole that you talk about. Is it at the highest International level anymore? No, but you go to your club or checkout your representative side and still engage with that ‘beautiful game’. Could you also have a bit of that at the top if coaches encouraged there team to play and incentivized players like Damian McKenzie and Ange Capuozzo? Of course we could. Sadly Rugby doesn’t, or didn’t, really know what direction to go when professionalism came. Things like the state of northern pitches didn’t help. Over the last two or three decades I feel like I’ve been fortunate to have all that Jake wants. There was International quality Super Rugby to adore, then the next level below I could watch club mates, pulling 9 to 5s, take on the countries best in representative rugby. Rugby played with flair and not too much riding on the consequences. It was beautiful. That largely still exists today, but with the world of rugby not quite getting things right, the picture is now being painted in NZ that that level of rugby is not required in the “pathway” to Super Rugby or All Black rugby. You might wonder if NZR is right and the pathway shouldn’t include the ‘amateur’, but let me tell you, even though the NPC might be made up of people still having to pull 9-5s, we know these people still have dreams to get out of that, and aren’t likely to give them. They will be lost. That will put a real strain on the concept of whether “visceral thrill, derring-do and joyful abandon” type rugby will remain under the professional level here in NZ. I think at some point that can be eroded as well. If only wanting the best athlete’s at the top level wasn’t enough to lose that, shutting off the next group, or level, or rugby players from easy access to express and showcase themselves certainly will. That all comes back around to the same question of professionalism in rugby and whether it got things right, and rugby is better now. Maybe the answer is turning into a “no”?
35 Go to commentsWow, didn’t realise there was such apathy to URC in SA, or by Champions Cup teams. Just read Nick’s article on Crusaders, are Sharks a similar circumstance? I think SA rugby has been far more balanced than NZs, no?
2 Go to commentsBut here in Australia we were told Penney was another gun kiwi coach, for the Tahs…….and yet again it turned out the kiwi coach was completely useless. Another con job on Australian rugby. As was Robbie Deans, as was Dave Rennie. Both coaches dumped from NZ and promoted to Australia as our saviour. And the Tahs lap them up knowing they are second rate and knowing that under pressure when their short comings are exposed in Australia as well, that they will fall in below the largest most powerful province and choose second rate Tah players to save their jobs. As they do and exactly as Joe Schmidt will do. Gauranteed. Schmidt was dumped by NZ too. That’s why he went overseas. That why kiwi coaches take jobs in Australia, to try and prove they are not as bad as NZ thought they were. Then when they get found out they try and ingratiate themselves to NZ again by dragging Australian teams down with ridiculous selections and game plans. NZ rugby’s biggest problem is that it can’t yet transition from MCaw Cheatism. They just don’t know how to try and win on your merits. It is still always a contest to see how much cheating you can get away with. Without a cheating genius like McCaw, they are struggling. This I think is why my wise old mate in NZ thinks Robertson will struggle. The Crusaders are the nursery of McCaw Cheatism. Sean Fitzpatrick was probably the father of it. Robertson doesn’t know anything else but other countries have worked it out.
34 Go to commentsIt could be coincidental or prescient that the All Blacks most dominant period under Steve Hansen was when the Crusaders had their least successful period under Todd Blackadder and then the positions reversed when Razor took over the Crusaders.
34 Go to commentsDefinitely sound read everybodyexpects immediate results these days, I don't think any team would travel well at all having lost three of the most important game changers in the game,compiled with the massive injury list they are now carrying, good to see a different more in depth perspective of a coaches history.
3 Go to commentsSinckler is a really big loss for English rugby.
2 Go to commentsThanks Nick The loss of players to OS, injury and retirement is certainly not helping the Crusaders. Ditto the coach. IMO Penny is there to hold the fort and cop the flak until new players and a new coach come through,…and that's understood and accepted by Penny and the Crusaders hierarchy. I think though that what is happening with the Crusaders is an indicator of what is happening with the other NZ SRP teams…..and the other SRP teams for that matter. Not enough money. The money has come via the SR competition and it’s not there anymore. It's in France, Japan and England. Unless or until something is done to make SR more SELLABLE to the NZ/Australia Rugby market AND the world rugby market the $s to keep both the very best players and the next rung down won't be there. They will play away from NZ more and more. I think though that NZ will continue to produce the players and the coaches of sufficient strength for NZ to have the capacity to stay at the top. Whether they do stay at the top as an international team will depend upon whether the money flowing to SRP is somehow restored, or NZ teams play in the Japan comp, or NZ opts to pick from anywhere. As a follower of many sports I’d have to say that the organisation and promotion of Super Rugby has been for the last 20 years closest to the worst I’ve ever seen. This hasn't necessarily been caused by NZ, but it’s happened. Perhaps it can be fixed, perhaps not. The Crusaders are I think a symptom of this, not the cause
34 Go to commentsNo way. If you are trying to picture New Zealand rugby with an All Blacks mindset, there have been two factors instrumental to the decline of NZ rugby to date. Those are the horror that the Blues have become and, probably more so, the fixture that the Crusaders became. I don’t think it was healthy to have one team so dominant for so long, both for lack of proper representation of players from outside that environment and on the over reliance on players from within it. If you are another international side, like Ireland for example, sure. You can copy paste something succinct from one level to the next and experience a huge increase in standards, but ultimately you will not be maximizing it, which is what you need to perform to the level the ABs do. Added to that is the apathy that develops in the whole game as a result of one sides dominance. NZ, Super, and Championship rugby should all experience a boom as a result of things balancing out. That said, there is a lot of bad news happening in NZ rugby recently, and I’m not sure the game can be handled well enough here to postpone the always-there feeling of inevitable decline of rugby.
34 Go to commentsNo SA supporter miss Super Rugby - a product that is experiencing significant head wind in ANZ - the competition from rival codes are intense, match attendance figures are at a historical low and the negativity of commentators such as Kirwan and Wilson have accelerated the downward spiral in NZ. After the next RWC in 2027 sponsors will follow Qantas and start leaving in droves.
3 Go to commentsLike others, I am not seeing the connection between this edition of the Crusaders and the All Blacks future prospects under Razor. I think the analysis of the Crusaders attack recently is helpful because Razor and his coaching team used to be able to slot new guys in to their systems and see them succeed. Several of Razor’s coaches are still there so it would be surprising if the current attack and set piece has been overhauled to a great extent - but based on that analysis, it may have been. Whether it is too many new guys due to injuries or retirement or a failure of current Crusaders systems is the main question to be answered imo. It doesn’t seem relevant for the ABs.
34 Go to comments