Champagne or Speight's? Ben Smith re-signs with All Blacks, forgets important drinking rule
Ben Smith released a video yesterday announcing his re-signing with New Zealand Rugby – but in the process he breached a timeless drinking law, writes Scotty Stevenson.
All Blacks fullback Ben Smith, AKA Bender, AKA the Oracle, AKA Ben from Accounts, announced yesterday that he has re-signed with New Zealand Rugby until 2020, ending months of speculation about the 30-year old’s rugby playing future.
Smith took to Facebook and Instagram to share the news with fans, posting one teaser shot of himself sitting with a bottle of champagne and a bottle of Speight’s, in reference to the agonising decision he had to make between pre-loading on the Pride of the South or pre-loading on Fermented French grapes.
In the subsequent announcement video, intrepid Highlanders reporter Sam ‘Lashes’ Casey and Smith break the news of Smith’s decision to stay in New Zealand by cracking open a bottle of that sweet Dunedin nectar, ‘Jimmy Speight’s’.
Smith then completely duffs the sporting trivia question under the cap by claiming Isaia Toeava, not Israel Dagg, scored the first try at the 2011 Rugby World Cup.
Then he adds insult to injury by not immediately necking at least half the bottle, as tradition demands.
Forsyth Barr Head Groundsman Brendan ‘Ox’ Eathorne, on whose hallowed turf the announcement took place, says it is an unacceptable slip up from one of Otago’s finest.
“I haven’t seen the video, but as far as I am aware, Ben Smith knows the rules as much as anyone else. You get the question wrong and you drink to the stars. Full stop,” said Eathorne from atop a John Deere tractor. “Obviously he’s given France a little too much thought if he goes and does that when trying to announce his commitment to the South.
Pressed on whether he supported Smith’s re-signing with the Highlanders in light of these fresh revelations, Eathorne remained firm. “Obviously this is like Christmas in February for Highlanders fans, but that’s still no excuse. There will have to be a second explanatory video and I will be giving him a good talking to about it.”
Marty Banks, Smith’s Highlanders teammate who has surprised everyone by getting another contract, said the team had already discussed the ‘star rule’ oversight and a full leadership committee meeting was to be convened.
“Not only did he forget the ‘star rule’ but to get a question about Israel Dagg wrong … well, that’s pretty terrible.”
When asked to elaborate, Banks asked what that meant. He went on to say, “I’ve already set up Bender with his own recovery room, befitting such a super star player, but that would now be reviewed.”
Joe Wheeler, who has only just returned to the Highlanders alongside Richard ‘Barracuda’ Buckman following a season in the Japan Top League says this revelation is hardly news to him.
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“That doesn’t surprise me at all,” said Wheeler, after being informed of Smith’s performance. “He is known to miss the stars on a regular basis. You would think that the prodigal son of Otago should be able to nail that simple task every time, but it seems he is human after all. We will discuss this at length; you can be assured of that.”
Meanwhile, another of Smith’s team mates, Lima Sopoaga, said that the news of Smith’s re-signing has not been met with universal approval.
“Oh yeah, it’s great. He’s probably broken the bank and none of us will ever get a pay rise again,” the first five-eighth said.
Ben Smith has played 60 tests for the All Blacks and has managed to crap gold nuggets in pretty much every one of them. The poster child for gangly white guys everywhere, his decision to stay with New Zealand for another Rugby World Cup means he will be eligible to play centre for the All Blacks at the 2019 tournament.
Comments on RugbyPass
A lot of fans just joined in for the fun of it! We all admire O'Gara and what he has done for La Rochelle
3 Go to commentsThe RFU will find a way to mess this up as usual. My bet is there will be no promotion into the the Premiership, only relegation into National League One. Hopefully they won’t parachute failed clubs into the league at the expense of clubs who have battled for promotion.
1 Go to commentsWell that’s the contracts for RG and Jordie bought and paid for. Now, what are the chances we can persuade Antoine to hop over with all the extra dosh we’ll have from living at the Aviva & Croke next season…??? 🤑🤑🤑
2 Go to commentsWow, that’s incredible. Great for rugby.
2 Go to commentsYou probably read that parling is going to coach the wallaby lineout but if not before now you have.
14 Go to commentsIf someone like Leo Cullen was in O’Gara’s place I don’t hear Boo-ing. It’s not just that La Rochelle has hurt Leinster and O’Gara is their Irish boss. It’s the needle that he brings and the pantomime activity before the game around pretending that Munster were supporting LaRochelle just because O’Gara is from Cork. That’s dividing Irish provinces just to get an advantage for his French Team. He can F*ck right off with that. BOOOOO! (but not while someone is lying injured)
3 Go to commentsDid the highlanders party too hard before the game? They were the pits.
1 Go to commentsWhat a player! Not long until he’s in the England side, surely?
2 Go to commentsHe seems to have the same aura as Marcus Smith - by which I mean he’s consistently judged as if he’s several years younger than he actually is. Mngomezulu has played 24 times for the Stormers. When Pollard was his age he had played 24 times for South Africa! He has more time to develop, but he has also had time to do some developing already, and he hasn’t demonstrated nearly as much talent in that time as one would expect. If he is a generational talent, then it must be a pretty poor generation.
4 Go to commentsThe greatest Springbok coach of all time is entirely on the money. Rassie and Jacques have given the south african public a great few years, but the success of the springbok selection policy will need to be judged in light of what comes next. The poor condition that the provincial system is currently in doesn’t bode well for the next few years of international rugby, and the insane 2026 schedule that the Boks have lined up could also really harm both provincial and international consistency.
21 Go to commentsJake White is a brilliant coach and a master in the press. This is another masterclass in media relations and PR but its also a very narrow view with arguments that dont always hold water. White wants his team to win, he wants the best players in SA and wants his team competitive. You however have to face up to the reality of a poor exchange rate and big clubs with big budgets. SA Rugby cant compete and unless it can find more money SA players will keep leaving regardless of Springbok eligibility and this happened in 2015 - 2017. Also rugby is not cricket. Cricket has 3 formats and T20 cricket is where the money is at. When it comes to club vs country the IPL is king but that wont happen because the international calendar does not clash with the club calendar in rugby. So the argument about rugby going down the same path as cricket is really a non-starter
21 Go to commentsNZ rugby seem not to have learnt anything from professional rugby. Super rugby was dying and SA left before they died with the competition. SA rugby did a u turn on their approach to international players playing overseas and such players are now selected for Bok teams. As much as each country would love to retain their players playing in local competitions, this is the way the world is evolving my friends. Move with it or stay 20 years behind the times. One more thing. NZ rugby hierarchy think they are the big cheese. Take a more humble approach guys. You do not seem to have your players best interests at heart.
3 Go to commentsBeaches? In Cardiff? Where?
1 Go to commentsHe is right , the Crusaders will be a threat. Scott Barrett, ( particularly), Fergus Burke , Codie Taylor, ( from sabbatical) etc due back soon for the Crusaders. There are others like Zach Gallagher too. People can right the Crusaders off, Top 8 , here we come !!
1 Go to commentsWe will always struggle for money to match the other sides but the least the WRU can do is invest properly in Welsh rugby. Too much has been squandered on vanity projects like the hotel and roof walk amongst others which will never see a massive return. Hanging the 4 pro sides out to dry over the last decade is now coming back to bite the WRU financially as well as on the pitch. You reap what you sow.
1 Go to commentsWhat do you get if you cross a doctor with a fish? A plastic sturgeon
14 Go to commentsWhat happened to feleti Kaitu’u? Hasnt played in a while right?
1 Go to commentsGregor I just can’t agree with you. You are trying to find something that just isn’t there. Jordie Barrett has signed until 2028. By the end of that he would have spent probably 11-12 years on Super Rugby and you say he can’t possibly have one season playing somewhere else. It is absurd. What about this scenario, the NZR play hard ball and he decides to leave and play overseas. How would that affect the competition. There seems to be an agenda by certain journalists to push certain agendas and don’t like it when it’s not to their liking. I fully support the NZR on this. Gregor needs to get a life.
3 Go to commentsHope he stays as believe he can do a great job.
1 Go to commentsMake what step up? Manie has a World Cup winner’s medal around his neck and changed the way the Springboks can play. He doesn’t have anything to prove to anyone. The win record of the Boks with him in the team is tremendous. Sacha can be wonderful and I hope he has a very succesful Bok career, but comparing him to Manie in terms of the next Bok flyhalf is very strange. Manie is the incumbent (not the next) and doing pretty incredibly.
4 Go to comments