The Rugby Pass Hall Of Fame Welcomes: Chris Ashton
Scotty Stevenson inducts Saracens winger Chris Ashton as the inaugural member of the Rugby Pass Hall of Fame.
Talk to any coach and they will tell you the same thing: the one quality you can’t teach a player is hunger, and Chris Ashton may be the hungriest player in the entire world right now.
Not satisfied with simply chewing up the running metres for his Saracens side, Ashton distinguished himself this week by trying to chew up Northampton prop forward Alex Waller.
Supporters of Ashton claim Waller may have been at fault, putting such a juicy, wrist-sized piece of man flesh near Ashton’s mouth in the first place. Surely no man can resist the sweet, sweaty scent of a front row forward’s meaty mitt. Others have argued that Ashton is just a notorious bad-tempered battler who may well be emotionally stunted.
What is beyond doubt is that Ashton will be banned for 13 weeks (pending appeal) which, when added to his 10-week ban last year for trying to rip Luke Marshall’s eyes out means by the end of this latest judicial sentence the former England winger will have spend the best part of half a year having a good long look at himself.
In fairness, there are plenty of high profile rugby folk lining up to support the man dubbed ‘the Luis Suarez of Rugby’ by the Drew Mitchell of rugby, Drew Mitchell.
Former World Cup winning England coach and the man who oversaw the most disastrous British and Irish Lions tour in recent memory, Sir Clive Woodward, has demanded his followers get in behind Ashton, unless they are in a queue for the buffet, in which case they should always – ALWAYS – get in front of him.
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Woodward, speaking to reporters, made a great case for Ashton, comparing him to convicted drunk driver Danny Cipriani. Like Cirpriani, Woodward believes Ashton to be “a big England rugby talent right in the middle of what should be the best seasons of his career.” Which is another way of saying, he’s a good player so if he needs a snack in the middle of the match, just let him hoe into it.
Saracens have not yet confirmed whether they will appeal the sentence, possibly because the close up photo of Ashton sinking his teeth into Waller’s wrist was a fairly conclusive piece of evidence. Even so, the judiciary took the best part of 800 earth years to reach a verdict. They eventually said the bite was at the lower end of the spectrum. The spectrum of what? A Hannibal Lecter dinner party? Speaking of which, a dinner break may have been taken, just to be on the safe side.
In his defence, Ashton claimed Waller intentionally lodged his wrist in Ashton’s mouth, in much the same way that fried chicken materialises in my passenger seat every time I go past a KFC. It was at this point Ashton’s lawyer may or may not have advised Ashton to lodge his own wrist in his mouth and keep it there for the remainder of the proceedings. Ashton’s side of the story did not convince the judicial panel. You could say he couldn’t get a bite out of them.
While the likes of Clive Woodward have offered to put an arm around Ashton’s shoulder (and surely some caution is advised here) others, such as his former Northampton skipper Tom Wood, have been less sympathetic. Wood offered this character reference in the wake of the suspension: “I’m not surprised”.
One pundit spoken to during our hall of fame induction deliberations today suggested that after nine seasons of professional rugby in which Ashton has had limited success tackling with his arms, he was simply looking for a way to take a more secure grip on the attacking player. It is a perhaps a more plausible excuse than being forcefed morsels of prop crackling.
Issues? Oh yes, he has issues. But there is no denying Ashton’s penchant for prop kebabs has given the premiership the kind of publicity boost they could only dream of, and Ashton now has the opportunity to redeem himself. Again. Or go cruising with Danny Cipriani.
Maybe Eddie Jones will throw Ashton a lifeline ahead of the Six Nations. He has, after all, scored 11 international tries in 11 different tests. More importantly, England has gone on to win 10 of those 11 tests. Maybe he is a lucky charm.
So here’s to Chris Ashton; our league-converted, completely misguided, gentle oral appreciator of the hairy man arm; our first inductee of the Rugby Pass Hall of Fame.
Comments on RugbyPass
Farcical, to what end would someone want to pay to keep this thing going.
1 Go to commentsHavili, our best 12 by a mile, will be in the squad, if he stays fit. JB is the most overrated AB in the last 50 years.
61 Go to commentsWe had during the week twilight footy, twilight cricket, tw golf plus there was the athletics club. Then the weekend was rugby 15s plus the net ball, really busy club scene back then but so much has changed and rugby has suffered. And it was all about changing lifestyles.
6 Go to commentsIn the 70s and 80s my club ran 5 Senior sides plus a Vets. Now it is 2 sides with an occasional 3rd team. Players have difficulty getting to training now, not sure why and the commitment is not there. It seems to me more a problem of people applying themselves and not expecting to turn up and play whenever they want to.
6 Go to commentsROG’s contract is until 2027. The conversation about a successor to Galthie after RWC 2027 may be starting now. We can infer that Galthie’s reign stops then. He is throwing the Irish Coaching Job angle in because he is Irish. The next Irish coach MUST be Leo Cullen. As well as being the best coach available, coaching the vast majority of Irish Internationals week in week out, he has shown incredible skill at recruiting the best coaching staff for the job in hand. That was a failing in France. Cullen is a shrewd guy and if there is a need for foreign coaches underneath him he won’t hesitate. Rightly so. Ireland does need to start to bring Irish coaches through. Not just at the professional level but we need to train coaches to man new pathways for developing kids from schools/clubs up through the divisions.
7 Go to commentsNo Islam says it must rule where it stands Thus it is to be deleted from this planet Earth
18 Go to commentsThis team probably does not beat the ABs sadly Not sure if BPA will be available given his signing for Force but has to enter consideration. Very strong possibility of getting schooled by the AB props. Advantage AB. Rodda/Skelton would be a tasty locking combination - would love to see how they get on. Advantage Wallabies. Backrow a risk of getting out hustled and outmuscled by ABs. Will be interesting to see if the Blues feast on the Reds this weekend the way they did the Brumbies we are in big trouble at the breakdown. Great energy, running and defence but goalkicking/general kicking/passing quality in the halves bothers me enormously. SA may have won the World Cup for a lot of the tournament without a recognised goalkicker but Pollard in the final made a difference IMO. Injuries and retirements leave AB stocks a bit lighter but still stronger. 12 and 13 ABs shade it (Barret > Paisami, Ione = Ikitau, arguably) Interesting clash of styles on the wings - Corey Toole running around Caleb Clark and Caleb running over the top of Toole. Reece vs Koro probably the reverse. Pretty even IMO. 15s Kelleway = Love See advantage to ABs man for man, but we are not obviously getting slaughtered anywhere which makes a nice change. Think talent wise we are pretty even and if our cohesion and teamwork is better than the ABs then its just about doable.
11 Go to commentsCompletely agree. More friday night games would be a hit. RFU to make sure every club has a floodlit pitch. Club opens again Saturday to welcome touch / tag. Minis and youths on Sunday
6 Go to comments1.97m and 105Kg? Proportionately, probably skinnier than me at 1.82 and 82kilos. He won’t survive against the big guys at that weight.
55 Go to commentsThe value he brought to the crusaders as an assistant was equal to what he got out of being there. He reflected not only on the team culture but also the credit he attributed to the rugby community. Such experience shouldn’t be overlooked.
7 Go to commentsGood luck Aussie
11 Go to commentssmith at 9 / mounga 10 / laumape 12 / fainganuku 14
61 Go to commentsBar the injuries, it’s pretty much their top team …
2 Go to commentsDon’t disagree with much of this but it appears you forgot Rodda and Beale, who started at the Force on the weekend.
11 Go to commentsExcept for the injured Zach Gallagher this would be Saders best forward pack for the season. Blackadder needs to stay at 7, for all of Christies tackling he is not dominant and offers very little else. McNicholfullback is maybe a good option, Fihaki not really upto it, there was a reason Burke played there last year. Maybe Havilli to 2nd five McLeod to wing. Need a strong winger on 1 side to compliment Reece
1 Go to commentsTo me TJ is clearly the best 9 in the competition right now but he's also a proven player off the bench, there's few playmaking players who can come off the bench as calm and settled as he is, Beauden can, TJ can and I doubt any of the scrumhalves in contention can, if they want to experiment with new 9s I want him on the bench ready to step in if they crumble under the pressure. The Boks put their best front row on the bench, I'd like to see us take a similar approach, the Hurricanes have been doing similar things with players like Kirifi.
61 Go to commentsROG has better chance to win a WC if he starts training and make himself eligible as a player. He won’t make the Ireland squad but I reckon he may get close with Namibia (needs to improve his Afrikaans) or Portugal. Both sides had 1000:1 odds to win the RWC in 2023 which is an improvement on ROG’s odds of winning a RWC as a coach. Unlike Top 14 teams, national teams can’t go shopping and buy the best players - you work with the available talent pool and turn them into world beaters.
7 Go to commentsthat backline nope that backline is terrible why would you have sevu Reece when he’s not even top 5 wingers in the comp why have Blackadder when there’s better players no Scott barret isn’t an automatic the guy is more of a liability than anything why have him there when you have samipeni who’s far far better
61 Go to commentsAh, good to find you Nick. Agree with everything about Cale. So much to like about his game
55 Go to commentsNot too bad. Questions at 6, lock and HB for me. The ABs will be a lot stronger once Jordan and Roigard return. Also, work needs to be made to secure Frizzell back for next season and maybe also Mo’unga; they’re just wasting time playing in japan
61 Go to comments