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'This has been one of the toughest years of my life': Nehe Milner-Skudder opens up about mental struggles throughout injury-plagued career
Former All Blacks wing Nehe Milner-Skudder has opened up about going into “dark places” in what he described as “one of the toughest years” of his life.
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Speaking at the opening of New Zealand’s first Suicide Prevention Office as an ambassador for Headfirst, Milner-Skudder shared his personal experiences about the difficulties of dealing with the constant raft of injuries that have plagued him since he first burst onto the international scene four years ago.
The 28-year-old made his All Blacks debut in 2015 after barnstorming campaigns with Manawatu and the Hurricanes, and went on to play a starring role in New Zealand’s World Cup victory that year.
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Famous for his wicked sidestep, Milner-Skudder also claimed the inaugural World Rugby Breakthrough Player of the Year award, but his budding career hit a standstill in the ensuing four years as constant injuries started to take its toll on the speedster.
After scoring eight tries in his first eight tests in 2015, the Taihape native only managed five more appearances for the All Blacks between 2016 and 2018, with his last outing coming during the All Blacks’ 69-31 win over Japan in Tokyo last November.
A persistent shoulder has since thwarted his chances to taking to the field at all this year, meaning he didn’t get another opportunity to play one last time for Manawatu, the Hurricanes or the All Blacks.
“For me, personally this has been one of the toughest years in my life, my career to date,” he said on Wednesday.
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“Some of you may have noticed I haven’t taken the field at all this year, to not be able to do something or to do what you love doing… I really struggled.
“Out of all the injuries I’ve suffered, the many setbacks I’ve had in my career this was by far the hardest to digest.”
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“I’d built up in my head what this year was going to look like and I watched it shatter in pieces right in front of me and there was nothing I could do about it.”
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The 13-test star said despite finding way to help to deal with the issues he encountered, he “still felt myself going into some pretty dark places”.
“I started to get these negative thoughts about being judged, distancing myself from others out of fear of what they might think, how it’d be played out in the media. It all took its toll.”
“Although I’ve gone through these challenging times, I know I’m way better equipped to cope and work through them.
“I know what it feels like to get down, but I also know I am one of the few extremely lucky and privilege to have the resources to help me.”
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Milner-Skudder said he wanted to ensure that others had access to the resources that have been available to him throughout his career.
“My rugby career has taught me we all feel pressure and anxiety and we all get down at times, it’s easy to bottle things up, I’ve seen the negative effects that can have on myself and my teammates.”
He described his role with Headfirst, an organisation which provides mental health help and wellness to rugby players, as “humbling”.
“Through this work I’ve discovered a lot about myself, and also realised things need to change around the stigma around mental health, masculinity in society and rugby. Being part of that change has been bloody important to me.”
“Many of the participants, many of my teammates have come from the most at risk demographic, young, male Maori and Pasifika.”
“It breaks me saying that.”
The inauguration of the Suicide Prevention Office, launched to help lower New Zealand’s suicide rate, went alongside a community suicide prevention fund of $12 million for Maori and Pacific people.
In other news:
Comments on RugbyPass
I think he is right, SBW is respected in RSA. The guy who never stood up is a worm. Sseems lots of NZ SBW hate, you do the crime do the time.
11 Go to commentsAfter missing the curfew, the player was simply too “Shagged” to stand up.
11 Go to commentsVernier is probably the best 12 in the world though she has some English competition these days . I am nervous for England because it is unpredictable France and who knows which team will turn up, but they have not yet shown anything that should worry England, Saturday could be a different day. I would be more confident against the BFs.
1 Go to commentsWhat a difference Rodda and Carter made. Rodda has been out for ages but he is really the only world class lock in Australian rugby. Him, Carter and Beale made a huge difference on the weekend. If only they had a few decent props they’d be a much more dangerous team. Hamish Stewart was excellent last week as well. His carrying has improved significantly and has to be next in line after Paisami at 12 for the Wallabies. He’ll benefit hugely with Beale at fullback, there’s just no better communicator in Australian rugby than him and his experience will make a huge difference for the Force. No one sees space like Beale and he’s still sharp. I can see Force making a late charge into the top 8 if they can get some consistency.
2 Go to commentsRodda will be a walk up starter at lock. Frost if you analyse his dominance has little impact and he’s a long way from being physical enough, especially when you compare to Rodda and the work he does. He was quite poor at the World Cup in his lack of physicality. Between Rodda and Skelton we would have locks who can dominate the breakdown and in contact. Frost is maybe next but Schmidt might go for a more physical lock who does their core work better like Ryan or LSL. Swain is no chance unless there’s a load of injuries. Pollard hasn’t got the scrum ability yet to be considered. Nasser dominated him when they went toe to toe and really showed him up. Picking Skelton effects who can play 6 and 8. Ideally Valetini would play 6 as that’s his best position and Wilson at 8 but that’s not ideal for lineout success. Cale isn’t physical enough yet in contact and defence but is the best backrow lineout jumper followed by Wright, Hanigan and Swinton so unfortunately Valetini probably will start at 8 with Wright or Hanigan at 6. Wilson on the bench, he’s got too much quality not to be in the squad. Paisami is leading the way at 12 but Hamish Stewart is playing extremely well also and his ball carrying has improved significantly. Beale is also another option based on the weekend. Beale is class but he’s also the best communicator of any Australian backline player and that can’t be underestimated, he’ll be in the mix.
8 Go to commentsWhy do people keep on picking Ardie at 7 when he's a ball in hand 8? A modern 7 is the lead tackler and ruck clearer which isn't his strength.
14 Go to commentsSly dig there at Ireland’s propensity to back a non-Irish coach. Must really want it. I’m not sure I like ROG very much. Comes off as unpleasant. But he’d gain my respect if he took a number 7 ranked team and turned them into WC winners. Not even back-to-back. Argentina? Scotland? Or how about Wales? France would be too easy, no?
1 Go to commentsA bit of sensationalism, but surprised by the comments about SBW. I’ve always thought of him as a pretty authentic person. There is nothing worse than working with a colleague you’ve seen straight through.
11 Go to comments100% agree with your comment about Touch. I’ve been playing it competitively since Covid. It’s on a Wednesday night after work. It means the weekend is free for time with my family.
1 Go to commentsRodda back is massively important for the Wallabies. Kaitu at hooker important too coz he was very good a few years ago.
2 Go to commentsThe pink cabous might be eligible this year and the Boks don’t need him
8 Go to commentsNasser and kaitu are options for hooker. Especially Nasser. You forgot Rodda who touch wood will be fit at test time and if fit he’s number one. Great partner for the great Skelton and Oz best lineout caller. Third best lock is LSL whom I’d be inclined to sub on for Skelton around 60 minutes. Probably start valetini at 8 because I like a big body back there. Cale should play 6 at the brumbies. For Wallabies definitely cale in the squad but as an apprentice. Dunno who starts at 6 seru wright Swinton hanigan with Will Harris and Harry Wilson not far away. Seru and Swinton my front runners but Swinton is going. Still if we don’t cap seru then Fiji must coz they need his lineout skills and easily compensate for his lack of weight
8 Go to commentsYeah but who was it?
11 Go to commentsThink you might have written this just before the Brumbies got thrashed last weekend
8 Go to commentsI really do believe that Billy Proctor should be selected at least in the larger squad but also it would be my choice at 13, much more a center than Ioane who can still play at wing. Roigard if fit should play, otherwise it should be Perenara or Christie. Also, Iose could deserve a spot at blindside. Of course, being a Canes supporter I’m biased but I really believe that at least Billy P is deserving a chance and being Holland one of the Selectors, I’m having a little hope he could grab it.
14 Go to commentsI would not play Swinton I’d pick Wright or Hanigan. The rest are decent starters, but can’t agree on any subs except Tupou. My take on the subs: Gibbon, Ueslese, Tupou, LSL, Wilson, White, Will Harrison, and Petaia.
8 Go to commentsSBW the biggest moron to pull on a black jersey a park footy player at best
11 Go to commentsSBW is fast becoming a laughing stock, his misplaced comments & lack of insight Is actually pretty sad.
11 Go to commentsJust well you guys are couch 🛋 potatoes selector's, picking a team of greenhorns to play England! “What are you people smoking?” The halfbacks will be Christie, Fakatava, Perenara Props; Newell, Bower, Lomax, Tunga'fasi, Hookers; Asosa Amua when fit, Taylor, Samisoni,
14 Go to commentsQuite frankly, all this is a bit pathetic. The first time Wales get the Wooden Spoon in 21 years and everyone is on the bandwagon for a ‘play-off’ game. Wales have no obligation to Georgia and no obligation to the rest of the Six Nations to play such a game. If they want Georgia in so badly then they need to include South Africa into a Northern Hemisphere competition with 2 leagues of 4 teams with the top 2 competing for the Championship. Sadly, this will end Triple Crowns and Grand Slams forever. Is this really what you want?
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