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With another bruising NRL season just around the corner, Aaron Hawkins pines for the simpler times of Jim Haynes’ 1990 classic That Rugby League Album.
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“You know a lot of people reckon, that Jeff Fenech, he can fight
But you know he gets it easy cos he fights one bloke a night
But when he’s on the football field and wearing red and green
That other Fenech, Mario, he fights the whole thirteen”
– ‘The Team In Red & Green’
When I was seven I blew all my Christmas music vouchers on a tape of comedy rugby league songs.
That Rugby League Album was the soundtrack of my summer, played on repeat on my Walkman during bleak camping trips. After hunting for it for years, never meeting a single other person who had heard of it, I started to think the whole thing may have been a figment of my imagination.
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Recently I discovered the whole album has been uploaded to YouTube. All eighteen of Jam Haynes’ rugby league ditties, drowning in nostalgia for epic battles past. They are every bit as preposterous as I remember.
1990. The Winfield Cup. ‘Simply The Best’. It was the rock ‘n’ roll era of rugby league, and Jim Haynes wasn’t having a bar of it. Anxieties of the sport ‘losing its way’ are all over the album. Working class heroes and the old Sydney clubs are exalted, while big money clubs cop the most heat. There are lamentations on the preference of wine bar liberals for theatre over footy (‘Eastern Suburbs Roosters’), and cod reggae classics revelling in the collective dislike of the Northern Beaches’ big spenders (‘Manly Warringah’).
The only competition for the Sea Eagles title as 1990’s Most Hated comes from that other state: “They’ve won no finals, what a shame / They haven’t got an Aussie name / The buckin’ Brisbane Brrr-on-cos”. One only assume this oompah shade was exactly what spurred Alfie and Wayne Bennett on to build the most successful club of the 90s.
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The record isn’t just sentimental for cold pies, warm beer, and no-nonsense “Vs and Stripes” jerseys. In league’s brutish sea of hypermasculinity, there’s still room for an emotional country ballad of high hopes run aground on Cronulla shores. Our humble narrator takes his girlfriend to the footy where, predictably, she falls in love with dynamic heartthrob and Amiga video game star Andrew “ET” Ettingshausen. He’s had “a broken heart attack, a romantic shark attack”, but the quiver in his voice betrays more than a hint of jealousy of his lost love.
It’s fitting that the album’s best song is reserved for the league’s then-best team: the Canberra Raiders. It pairs one universal truth with another – public resentment towards government and all who work for her.
“In Canberra politicians, are thick upon the ground
The football team they wear bright green, the best team going round
Just like public servants they work 90 minutes a week
And make whoever they’re dealing with feel like they’re up the creek.
There’s a rumour down in Canberra, that an order came from Bob
“Ahh give each Canberra Raider, a politician’s job”
John Ferguson should make the change without a fuss or row
He’ll run around in circles, just the same as he does now
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Big Mal will have to change his name from Meninga, to Ma-linger
He’ll never break that arm again, he’ll never lift a finger
And what about the wingers? Well in cabinet they’d be fine
They don’t like tackling problems, and they’re offside most of the time.”
It’s enough to bring a tear to the eye.
Comments on RugbyPass
I think this quiet honestly is just an innocent misunderstanding by someone who is pig sh*t stupid. Eben is a fine player but by christ, if he can’t understand or get what the Irish players were trying to say to him after the match…..well i hope he has someone looking after his finances, career and is reading the fine print for him, cause life after rugby may be quite difficult for the vacuous echo chamber.
21 Go to commentsIt could be Doris' day!
3 Go to commentsThe whole thing has blown up because Eben’s words have clearly struck a nerve in Ireland. Otherwise they would just laugh it off. I think some former Irish players, commentators and some Irish fans know deep down this Ireland team started to believe its own press and that a certain amount of arrogance had started to creep in during the World Cup. The topic was actually brought up by Irish pundits on Off the Ball recently. It’s fine to be arrogant if you can back it up. Ireland didn’t.
21 Go to comments‘The Irish are good people'. Why is Goode praising a people who hate his own? Wet wipe.
21 Go to commentsLa mejor final que se puede ver en el emisferio norte.
1 Go to commentsA lot of cope from south africans in the comments. Etzebeth is a liar and a hypocrite; you don’t have to defend him!
21 Go to commentsHe got big and really slow for a flyhalf…not sure he’s relevant in a bok conversation anymore
4 Go to commentsBest tourney team vs best team in the regular season for 3 games in RSA - talk is cheap, let’s see what’s what on the tour
21 Go to commentsOne overlooked statistic from their 2016 winning season is the Huricanes are still the only team in Super rugby history not to concede a try during the playoff rounds.
4 Go to commentsThanks for the article, Nick. The Nienaber blitz D does ask a lot of its scrumhalf. I have been watching JGP on D and he often looks like he has mastered what Nienaber asks for better than Faf de Klerk and Cobus Reinach! 🤣 Impressive season by JGP if I must make an understatement.
22 Go to commentsOkay last one. I promise. I think it’s despicable for Andy Goode to suggest that Eben can’t count to 12. To be fair he only had to count to 8 - the number of Irishmen who DIDN’T say that. Less the 3 kiwis of course. 23 - 12 - 3 = 8. See Joe. I can do maffs.
21 Go to commentsCheers, Nick! How do you see the Reds’ Jock Campbell’s play this year? Not as strong a carrier as Andrew Kellaway or Tom Wright, but does avoid errors. Do you see Joe Schmidt as wanting safety first at 15 or a try-assisting counterattacker?
91 Go to commentsI’m sure this was all just a big misunderstanding. Irishmen and Afrikaaners conversing in a noisey stadium. Not easy to get the right messages across. A minefield.
21 Go to commentsSay what you will about Andy Goode. But he is right about one thing… I’m not sure what that one thing is exactly… but I’m willing to hear him out.
21 Go to commentsAnother article to bait and trigger Irish fans. This must stop.
21 Go to commentsHi Nick. Thanks for your +++ ongoing analysis. Re Vunivalu, He’s been benched recently and it will be interesting to see what Kiss does with him as we enter the backend of SRP. I’m still not sold.
91 Go to commentsIn the fine tradition of Irish rugby, Leinster cheat well and for some reason only known to whoever referees them, they are allowed to get away with it every single game. If teams have not got the physicality up front to stop them getting the ball, they will win every single game. They take out players beyond the ruck and often hold them on the ground. Those that are beyond the ruck and therefore offside, hover there to cause distraction but also to join the next ruck from the side thereby stopping the jackal. The lineout prior to the second try on Saturday. 3 Leinster players left the lineout before the ball was thrown and were driving the maul as soon as the player hit the ground and thereby getting that valuable momentum. They scrummage illegally, with the looshead turning in to stop the opposing tighthead from pushing straight and making it uncomfortable for the hooker. The tighthead takes a step and tries to get his opposite loosehead to drop the bind. Flankers often ‘move up’ and actually bind on the prop and not remain bound to the second row. It does cause chaos and is done quickly and efficiently so that referees are blinded by the illegal tactics. I am surprised opposition coaches when they meet referees before games don’t mention it. I am also surprised that they do not go to the referees group and ask them to look at the tactics used and referee them properly. If they are the better team and win, fair play but a lot of their momentum is gained illegally and therefore it is not a level playing field.
1 Go to commentsI’d be fascinated to see what other candidates you all might have for the Lions captaincy role. Let me know, below 👍
3 Go to comments“ planning for the next cycle….” Sigh ill-advised language Elton old juice bean. Ppersonally glad you self-eliminated yourself, there were better players in the position around you.
4 Go to commentsRegardless of best in world etc. Lawes was outstanding against Leinster and has been all season. Looked like three try saving turnovers. His turnovers also contributed to NH scores. Immense performance.
2 Go to comments