Andy Goode is a Pot-Bellied Inspiration to Us All
Andy Goode has the conditioning of a golden oldies club player, the speed of a particularly unmotivated sloth, and he retired last year. So how did he manage to get himself nominated for Aviva Premiership Player of the Year in 2016?
There are some players who simply do not look like they have any right to be as good as they are, or even to be sportsmen at all, such is their appearance. Rugby League legend Wally Lewis had all the hallmarks of a truck driver yet was one of the greatest ever, tough as teak with the skills of a matador; 1980s English footballer Mick Quinn looked like Bob Seger’s less dynamic little brother.
But has there ever been an elite level sportsman whose appearance is less convincing of that fact than England fly-half Andy Goode? Even in his prime ten years ago he was overweight, looked about 42 years old and had the pace of a 1974 Austin Allegro. In fact his face even looks a bit like an Austin Allegro – a bald one, if that’s possible.
Somehow, for seventeen years he marshalled Leicester, Saracens, Brive, Sharks, Worcester and Wasps, winning premiership titles, European Cups and seventeen England caps with his boot being a particularly potent weapon.
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What made Goode so, er, good was the quiet authority he brought to teams, the steady if unspectacular passing, the fabulous kicking out of hand and dead-eyed placekicking. That offset the bad: the tendency to take the ball up a bit too often and that truly woeful lack of pace – often he would break the line and find himself in open pasture only to splutter in slow motion for about eight metres before being tackled, usually by an almost-walking back row player on the turn.
But, as Donald Trump probably says, you can’t argue with results, and time and again this fella has shown that he is top-drawer. The drawer probably also contains a few stale doughnuts and a stinky vest, but it’s a top-drawer nonetheless and this season has been a crowning achievement in his often inexplicable career.
To give some context, Goode retired at the end of the 2014-15 season in physically the worst shape he’s ever been. With a gut like a darts player on top of injury issues, he headed off to the great clubhouse beyond the wall to live it up. Then on the 28th of December 2015 Newcastle Falcons came calling. They were deep in a relegation battle with London Irish, had fly-half cover issues, and it seems the first number of their speed dial was Goode, who had solved his injury problems by having Botox injections (honestly, you couldn’t make it up). Many laughed, some shook their heads but most forgot that regardless of what he looked like, Andy had always produced results, and so it proved again and he waddled into town like a Weeble with fingerless gloves and a combover.
The fly-half made seven appearances for Newcastle, starting four and appearing three times off the bench, playing a total of 344 minutes and scoring 57 invaluable points, including 11 in a 22-minute appearance off the bench to secure his new team a shock victory over Harlequins in January. Then came 29 gold-plated points across back-to-back victories over Leicester and Northampton in February that basically saved the Falcons’ season.
But what made his season truly memorable was his absolute refusal to appear like he was taking any of it too seriously. He would turn up to post-match media carrying a bottle of beer and throw his feet up on the table, tweet that he was having beer as recovery rather than any ice bath or warm down nonsense, and generally appear like he was loving every minute of it. He was a breath of fresh air amongst all the media coached banalities and publicity anxiety that so many modern pros display. Also, it felt like one of us was playing at the highest level and we’d like to think that’s exactly how we would approach it.
On the 27th of March his short-term contract ended and it was all over. As a parting shot Andy said “The game has moved on – and I’ve moved with it at a slower rate than other people – but what I lack in fitness, I make up for in game understanding and experience.”
He didn’t win Player of the Year – Leicester’s Telusa Veainu deservedly took those honours. But amusing and astonishing as this whole thing was, there is perhaps a serious point to be made, about Goode highlighting the conditioning culture in modern rugby that is causing the skills and game management to suffer. But that’s for another column.
For now, let’s just salute the fat enigma that is Andy Goode.
Comments on RugbyPass
🤦♂️🤣 who cares who’s the best . All I know is the All Blacks have the star coach but have few star players now …
27 Go to commentsJe suis sûr que Farrell est impatient de jouer avec Lopez et Machenaud et d’être entraîné par Collazo… 🤭
1 Go to commentsAn on field red (aka a full red) in SRP must surely carry a bigger suspension than a red card given by the bunker as that carries a 20 minute team punishment. Had Damon Murphy abdicated his responsibility as a ref and issued both Drua players a yellow, which would have been upgraded to a 20 minute red by the bunker, that would have killed Australia and New Zealand’s push for the 20 minute red to be trialled globally from July this year.
11 Go to commentsEver so often you all post a Danny Care story that isn’t the announcement that he has finally re-signed for one more, victory tour season at Quins and I’m just like, “well you fooled me again!” My absolute favorite player ever, we need to make his final year at the Stoop (and Twickers) official already. I know he supposedly snubbed France but I won’t feel better until he signs.
1 Go to commentslate hit what late hit it wasn’t at all late and can clearly see he was committed before the tackle
1 Go to commentsChristian Lio -Willies 2 try perfomance was a standout. As was captain Scott Barrett. Up front was where the boys won it.They are a great team and players. Fantastic Crusades , you can keep going.
1 Go to commentsI don't know how the locals feel about that? I guess if you call yourselves the Worcester Wasps that might be appease. But really we need more teams in the Premiership in my view so they are not padding it out as they are at the moment. It might curtail so many players going abroad as well
5 Go to commentsNZ 😭😭😭is certainly rivaling England for best whingers cup!😭😭😭 !!!
27 Go to commentsYup. New Zealand won 3 out of 10 world cups played. SA 4 out of 8 attempts 30 Vs 50 per cent.🤔🤔
27 Go to commentsShould've done this years ago. Change Saturday kick off times to around 11am. Up and off and back home before 3pm, limit travel time too. Allows players to actually do something else with their Saturday that's family oriented or being rugby fans they could ‘watch’ pro rugby. Increases crowds etc. How can anyone that enjoys grassroots and pro rugby have to choose between the two on Saturdays?
9 Go to commentsI bet he inspired those supporters just as much.
1 Go to commentsBen Smith Springboks living rent free in his head 😊😂
67 Go to commentsGood to hear he would like to play the game at the highest level, I hadn’t been to sure how much of a motivator that was before now. Sadly he’s probably chosen the rugby club to go to. Try not to worry about all the input about how you should play rugby Joey and just try to emulate what you do on the league field and have fun. You’ll limit your game too much (well not really because he’s a standard athlete like SBW and he’ll still have enough) if you’re trying to make sure you can recycle the ball back etc. On the other hard, you can totally just try and recycle by looking to offload any and everywhere if you’re going to ground 😋
1 Go to commentsThis just proves that theres always a stat and a metric to use to justify your abilities and your success. Ben did it last week by creating an imaginary competition and now you did the same to counter his argument and espouse a new yardstick for success. Why not just use the current one and lets say the Boks have won 4 world cups making them the most successful world cup team. Outside of the world cup the All Blacks are the most successful team winning countless rugby championships and dominating the rankings with high win percentages. Over the last 4 years statistically the Irish are the best having the highest win rate and also having positive records against every tier 1 side. The most successful Northern team in the game has been England with a world cup title and the most six nations titles in history. The AB’s are the most dominant team in history with the highest win rate and 3 world cups. Lets not try to reinvent the wheel. Just be honest about the actual stats and what each team has been good at doing and that will be enough to define their level of success.
27 Go to commentsHow is 7’s played there? I’m surprised 10 or 11 man rugby hasn’t taken off. 7 just doesn’t fit the 15s dynamics (rules n field etc) but these other versions do.
9 Go to commentsPick Swinton at your peril A liability just like JWH from the Roosters Skelton ??? went missing at RWC
14 Go to commentsLike tennis, who have a ranking system, and I believe rugby too, just measure over each period preceding a world cup event who was the longest number one and that would be it. In tennis the number one player frequently is not the grand slam winner. I love and adore the All Blacks since the days of Ian Kirkpatrick when I was a kid in SA. And still do because they are the masters of running rugby and are gentleman on and off the field - in general. And in my opinion they have been the majority of the time the best rugby team in the world.
27 Go to commentsHaving overseas possessions in 2024 is absurd. These Frenchies should have to give the New Caledonians their freedom.
21 Go to commentsBell injured his foot didn’t he? Bring Tupou in he’ll deliver when it counts. Agree mostly but I would switch in the Reds number 8 Harry Wilson for Swinton and move Rob Valentini to 6 instead. Wilson is a clever player who reads the play, you can’t outmuscle the AB’s and Springboks, if you have any chance it’s by playing clever. Same goes for Paisami, he’s a little guy who doesn’t really trouble the likes of De Allende and Jordie Barrett. I’d rather play Carter Gordon at 12 and put Michael Lynagh’s boy at 10. That way you get a BMT type goalkicker at 10 and a playmaker at 12. Anyways, just my two cents as a Bok supporter.
14 Go to commentsThanks Brett, love your articles which are alway pertinent. It’s a difficult topic trying to have a panel adjudicating consistently penalties for red card issues. Many of the mitigating reasons raised are judged subjectively, hence the different outcomes. How to take away subjective opinions?
11 Go to comments