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James Haskell's identity crisis: 'They don't know they're horrible'

By Ian Cameron
(Photo by Michael Steele/Getty Images)

Former England flanker James Haskell has opened up about his struggles with mental health and how a lack of self-confidence has plagued him since his school days.

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Haskell – who was speaking about mental health on the Under the Surface podcast – said he felt that he had lost his identity when he retired from the game in 2019.

The 6’4, 19 stone flanker has carved out a career as DJ, podcast host, author and TV personality, but reveals that losing his identity when he retired from professional rugby was like pulling ‘the pin out of a grenade’.

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“My mental health has been tested more in retirement, where you’ve lost your identity. I was James Haskell the rugby player, was how I was defined. That was on Saturday, the Sunday I retired and on Monday I was James Haskell – who the hell is James Haskell? He’s been at boarding school from the age of 10-18, been a professional rugby player from 18-35, around men his whole career, had a routine his whole career.

“It’s like an animal that you can’t release back into the wild, like a lion that just sits there waiting for dinner – you’re definitely going to get eaten in the real world.

“That’s the hardest – losing that identity, and what are you going to do? That’s why you see so many players struggle with mental health post-retirement. They probably had it through their career, but it sends you over the cliff. You don’t have the structure, the routine, the chance to switch off. Take all of that away and leave them on their own. It’s taking the pin out of the grenade and throwing it into your life, and waiting to see how that blows up.”

Haskell says that he’s been working with a psychologist since his teens and that behind his brash and outgoing public persona, lies someone riddled with insecurities.

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“I worked very early on with a psychologist from the age of 17 because, contrary to the person that you may see on camera, I wasn’t always the most confident. I didn’t believe I was very good at rugby, and I still have that now – where I can only dwell on the negatives of what I’ve done as opposed to being wholly confident.

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“If you put your hand up in the changing room and said how many people are seeing a psychologist, I would have been the only one.”

The flanker also likens players going on online forums and social media platforms as a form of self-harm.

“I went on one of those forums after my debut and it was like ‘he’s rubbish’, ‘he shouldn’t play again’. Going on is like a form of self-harm. I’ve looked into a lot of it as to why people do it and why social media is so dangerous – it’s basically about reassurance. It’s such a dangerous game, but you’re looking for affirmation. It’s the same as when you say something rude to your mates, and then you nudge them to say ‘alright mate’, to give them a bit of reassurance. You’re looking for that humanity, of is everything okay?

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“You suddenly give value to people that you’ve never met. I’ve never thought about going to an online newspaper, registering for an account to comment and then going in and insulting everybody on there. You have to be a certain type of person. When you look at the psychology, they are all vying for some sort of mob mentality of horrible people. But the weird thing is that they don’t know they’re horrible; because that’s their sphere.”

The 77-cap Test loose forward believes people need to prioritise their mental health in the way they do their physical health.

“If I told you that you could run faster by buying these new trainers; you’d go and buy them. If I told you that you’d look slimmer for wearing this shirt of taking this pill; you would do it in a heartbeat. But the mind is the most powerful tool that you have that controls everything you do, from how you sleep, how you talk to people, your inner voice – it’s something that has to be managed. Like your diet. Like your physical health. It’s part and parcel of it. It’s the last thing we leave, yet it’s the most important thing that you have.

“If I told you that I could change the way you felt at work, the way you dealt with your own personal relationships, the way you dealt with sadness, the way you dealt with happiness, make you more successful, make you sleep better and to perform better in every area of life – but, you have to talk to someone who would give you some tools to change it, most people wouldn’t do it. Because most people don’t understand it.

James Haskell
James Haskell with Adam Smith and co-host Marvin Sordell on the Original Penguin X Campaign Against Living Miserably on the Under The Surface podcast.

“Mental health for me is sometimes wrongly branded. It’s about talking – but with action. Talk with no action gets you nowhere, it doesn’t make a difference. It’s asking ‘where do I get the tools to take action’ – and you’re going to have to shop around, the same way you go to different clothes shops and the fit might not be right. You have to find the right therapist that you click with, and that you’re prepared to be vulnerable with.”

Haskell was speaking on the Original Penguin X Campaign Against Living Miserably Under The Surface podcast

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Jon 20 minutes ago
Jake White: Are modern rugby players actually better?

This is the problem with conservative mindsets and phycology, and homogenous sports, everybody wants to be the same, use the i-win template. Athlete wise everyone has to have muscles and work at the gym to make themselves more likely to hold on that one tackle. Do those players even wonder if they are now more likely to be tackled by that player as a result of there “work”? Really though, too many questions, Jake. Is it better Jake? Yes, because you still have that rugby of ole that you talk about. Is it at the highest International level anymore? No, but you go to your club or checkout your representative side and still engage with that ‘beautiful game’. Could you also have a bit of that at the top if coaches encouraged there team to play and incentivized players like Damian McKenzie and Ange Capuozzo? Of course we could. Sadly Rugby doesn’t, or didn’t, really know what direction to go when professionalism came. Things like the state of northern pitches didn’t help. Over the last two or three decades I feel like I’ve been fortunate to have all that Jake wants. There was International quality Super Rugby to adore, then the next level below I could watch club mates, pulling 9 to 5s, take on the countries best in representative rugby. Rugby played with flair and not too much riding on the consequences. It was beautiful. That largely still exists today, but with the world of rugby not quite getting things right, the picture is now being painted in NZ that that level of rugby is not required in the “pathway” to Super Rugby or All Black rugby. You might wonder if NZR is right and the pathway shouldn’t include the ‘amateur’, but let me tell you, even though the NPC might be made up of people still having to pull 9-5s, we know these people still have dreams to get out of that, and aren’t likely to give them. They will be lost. That will put a real strain on the concept of whether “visceral thrill, derring-do and joyful abandon” type rugby will remain under the professional level here in NZ. I think at some point that can be eroded as well. If only wanting the best athlete’s at the top level wasn’t enough to lose that, shutting off the next group, or level, or rugby players from easy access to express and showcase themselves certainly will. That all comes back around to the same question of professionalism in rugby and whether it got things right, and rugby is better now. Maybe the answer is turning into a “no”?

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j
john 2 hours ago
Will the Crusaders' decline spark a slow death for New Zealand rugby?

But here in Australia we were told Penney was another gun kiwi coach, for the Tahs…….and yet again it turned out the kiwi coach was completely useless. Another con job on Australian rugby. As was Robbie Deans, as was Dave Rennie. Both coaches dumped from NZ and promoted to Australia as our saviour. And the Tahs lap them up knowing they are second rate and knowing that under pressure when their short comings are exposed in Australia as well, that they will fall in below the largest most powerful province and choose second rate Tah players to save their jobs. As they do and exactly as Joe Schmidt will do. Gauranteed. Schmidt was dumped by NZ too. That’s why he went overseas. That why kiwi coaches take jobs in Australia, to try and prove they are not as bad as NZ thought they were. Then when they get found out they try and ingratiate themselves to NZ again by dragging Australian teams down with ridiculous selections and game plans. NZ rugby’s biggest problem is that it can’t yet transition from MCaw Cheatism. They just don’t know how to try and win on your merits. It is still always a contest to see how much cheating you can get away with. Without a cheating genius like McCaw, they are struggling. This I think is why my wise old mate in NZ thinks Robertson will struggle. The Crusaders are the nursery of McCaw Cheatism. Sean Fitzpatrick was probably the father of it. Robertson doesn’t know anything else but other countries have worked it out.

15 Go to comments
A
Adrian 4 hours ago
Will the Crusaders' decline spark a slow death for New Zealand rugby?

Thanks Nick The loss of players to OS, injury and retirement is certainly not helping the Crusaders. Ditto the coach. IMO Penny is there to hold the fort and cop the flak until new players and a new coach come through,…and that's understood and accepted by Penny and the Crusaders hierarchy. I think though that what is happening with the Crusaders is an indicator of what is happening with the other NZ SRP teams…..and the other SRP teams for that matter. Not enough money. The money has come via the SR competition and it’s not there anymore. It's in France, Japan and England. Unless or until something is done to make SR more SELLABLE to the NZ/Australia Rugby market AND the world rugby market the $s to keep both the very best players and the next rung down won't be there. They will play away from NZ more and more. I think though that NZ will continue to produce the players and the coaches of sufficient strength for NZ to have the capacity to stay at the top. Whether they do stay at the top as an international team will depend upon whether the money flowing to SRP is somehow restored, or NZ teams play in the Japan comp, or NZ opts to pick from anywhere. As a follower of many sports I’d have to say that the organisation and promotion of Super Rugby has been for the last 20 years closest to the worst I’ve ever seen. This hasn't necessarily been caused by NZ, but it’s happened. Perhaps it can be fixed, perhaps not. The Crusaders are I think a symptom of this, not the cause

15 Go to comments
T
Trevor 7 hours ago
Will forgotten Wallabies fit the Joe Schmidt model?

Thanks Brett.. At last a positive article on the potential of Wallaby candidates, great to read. Schmidt’s record as an international rugby coach speaks for itself, I’m somewhat confident he will turn the Wallaby’s fortunes around …. on the field. It will be up to others to steady the ship off the paddock. But is there a flaw in my optimism? We have known all along that Australia has the players to be very competitive with their international rivals. We know that because everyone keeps telling us. So why the poor results? A question that requires a definitive answer before the turn around can occur. Joe Schmidt signed on for 2 years, time to encompass the Lions tour of 2025. By all accounts he puts family first and that’s fair enough, but I would wager that his 2 year contract will be extended if the next 18 months or so shows the statement “Australia has the players” proves to be correct. The new coach does not have a lot of time to meld together an outfit that will be competitive in the Rugby Championship - it will be interesting to see what happens. It will be interesting to see what happens with Giteau law, the new Wallaby coach has already verbalised that he would to prefer to select from those who play their rugby in Australia. His first test in charge is in July just over 3 months away .. not a long time. I for one wish him well .. heaven knows Australia needs some positive vibes.

21 Go to comments
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