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With another bruising NRL season just around the corner, Aaron Hawkins pines for the simpler times of Jim Haynes’ 1990 classic That Rugby League Album.
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“You know a lot of people reckon, that Jeff Fenech, he can fight
But you know he gets it easy cos he fights one bloke a night
But when he’s on the football field and wearing red and green
That other Fenech, Mario, he fights the whole thirteen”
– ‘The Team In Red & Green’
When I was seven I blew all my Christmas music vouchers on a tape of comedy rugby league songs.
That Rugby League Album was the soundtrack of my summer, played on repeat on my Walkman during bleak camping trips. After hunting for it for years, never meeting a single other person who had heard of it, I started to think the whole thing may have been a figment of my imagination.
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Recently I discovered the whole album has been uploaded to YouTube. All eighteen of Jam Haynes’ rugby league ditties, drowning in nostalgia for epic battles past. They are every bit as preposterous as I remember.
1990. The Winfield Cup. ‘Simply The Best’. It was the rock ‘n’ roll era of rugby league, and Jim Haynes wasn’t having a bar of it. Anxieties of the sport ‘losing its way’ are all over the album. Working class heroes and the old Sydney clubs are exalted, while big money clubs cop the most heat. There are lamentations on the preference of wine bar liberals for theatre over footy (‘Eastern Suburbs Roosters’), and cod reggae classics revelling in the collective dislike of the Northern Beaches’ big spenders (‘Manly Warringah’).
The only competition for the Sea Eagles title as 1990’s Most Hated comes from that other state: “They’ve won no finals, what a shame / They haven’t got an Aussie name / The buckin’ Brisbane Brrr-on-cos”. One only assume this oompah shade was exactly what spurred Alfie and Wayne Bennett on to build the most successful club of the 90s.
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The record isn’t just sentimental for cold pies, warm beer, and no-nonsense “Vs and Stripes” jerseys. In league’s brutish sea of hypermasculinity, there’s still room for an emotional country ballad of high hopes run aground on Cronulla shores. Our humble narrator takes his girlfriend to the footy where, predictably, she falls in love with dynamic heartthrob and Amiga video game star Andrew “ET” Ettingshausen. He’s had “a broken heart attack, a romantic shark attack”, but the quiver in his voice betrays more than a hint of jealousy of his lost love.
It’s fitting that the album’s best song is reserved for the league’s then-best team: the Canberra Raiders. It pairs one universal truth with another – public resentment towards government and all who work for her.
“In Canberra politicians, are thick upon the ground
The football team they wear bright green, the best team going round
Just like public servants they work 90 minutes a week
And make whoever they’re dealing with feel like they’re up the creek.
There’s a rumour down in Canberra, that an order came from Bob
“Ahh give each Canberra Raider, a politician’s job”
John Ferguson should make the change without a fuss or row
He’ll run around in circles, just the same as he does now
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Big Mal will have to change his name from Meninga, to Ma-linger
He’ll never break that arm again, he’ll never lift a finger
And what about the wingers? Well in cabinet they’d be fine
They don’t like tackling problems, and they’re offside most of the time.”
It’s enough to bring a tear to the eye.
Comments on RugbyPass
Big difference from the Saders. Forwards really muscled up and laid a solid platform. Scooter brought some steel and I liked the loosie combination. Newell has been rather disappointing this season but stepped up big time - happy also to see Franks dot down. He should do that more often! Reihana had a good game and there seems to be more flair and invention with him in the saddle. McNicoll plays well from the back and is reliable plus inventive when he joins the line. Keep it up chaps!
3 Go to comments🤦♂️🤣 who cares who’s the best . All I know is the All Blacks have the star coach but have few star players now …
30 Go to commentsJe suis sûr que Farrell est impatient de jouer avec Lopez et Machenaud et d’être entraîné par Collazo… 🤭
1 Go to commentsAn on field red (aka a full red) in SRP must surely carry a bigger suspension than a red card given by the bunker as that carries a 20 minute team punishment. Had Damon Murphy abdicated his responsibility as a ref and issued both Drua players a yellow, which would have been upgraded to a 20 minute red by the bunker, that would have killed Australia and New Zealand’s push for the 20 minute red to be trialled globally from July this year.
11 Go to commentsEver so often you all post a Danny Care story that isn’t the announcement that he has finally re-signed for one more, victory tour season at Quins and I’m just like, “well you fooled me again!” My absolute favorite player ever, we need to make his final year at the Stoop (and Twickers) official already. I know he supposedly snubbed France but I won’t feel better until he signs.
1 Go to commentslate hit what late hit it wasn’t at all late and can clearly see he was committed before the tackle
1 Go to commentsChristian Lio -Willies 2 try perfomance was a standout. As was captain Scott Barrett. Up front was where the boys won it.They are a great team and players. Fantastic Crusaders , you can keep going.
3 Go to commentsI don't know how the locals feel about that? I guess if you call yourselves the Worcester Wasps that might be appease. But really we need more teams in the Premiership in my view so they are not padding it out as they are at the moment. It might curtail so many players going abroad as well
5 Go to commentsNZ 😭😭😭is certainly rivaling England for best whingers cup!😭😭😭 !!!
30 Go to commentsYup. New Zealand won 3 out of 10 world cups played. SA 4 out of 8 attempts 30 Vs 50 per cent.🤔🤔
30 Go to commentsShould've done this years ago. Change Saturday kick off times to around 11am. Up and off and back home before 3pm, limit travel time too. Allows players to actually do something else with their Saturday that's family oriented or being rugby fans they could ‘watch’ pro rugby. Increases crowds etc. How can anyone that enjoys grassroots and pro rugby have to choose between the two on Saturdays?
9 Go to commentsI bet he inspired those supporters just as much.
1 Go to commentsBen Smith Springboks living rent free in his head 😊😂
67 Go to commentsGood to hear he would like to play the game at the highest level, I hadn’t been to sure how much of a motivator that was before now. Sadly he’s probably chosen the rugby club to go to. Try not to worry about all the input about how you should play rugby Joey and just try to emulate what you do on the league field and have fun. You’ll limit your game too much (well not really because he’s a standard athlete like SBW and he’ll still have enough) if you’re trying to make sure you can recycle the ball back etc. On the other hard, you can totally just try and recycle by looking to offload any and everywhere if you’re going to ground 😋
1 Go to commentsThis just proves that theres always a stat and a metric to use to justify your abilities and your success. Ben did it last week by creating an imaginary competition and now you did the same to counter his argument and espouse a new yardstick for success. Why not just use the current one and lets say the Boks have won 4 world cups making them the most successful world cup team. Outside of the world cup the All Blacks are the most successful team winning countless rugby championships and dominating the rankings with high win percentages. Over the last 4 years statistically the Irish are the best having the highest win rate and also having positive records against every tier 1 side. The most successful Northern team in the game has been England with a world cup title and the most six nations titles in history. The AB’s are the most dominant team in history with the highest win rate and 3 world cups. Lets not try to reinvent the wheel. Just be honest about the actual stats and what each team has been good at doing and that will be enough to define their level of success.
30 Go to commentsHow is 7’s played there? I’m surprised 10 or 11 man rugby hasn’t taken off. 7 just doesn’t fit the 15s dynamics (rules n field etc) but these other versions do.
9 Go to commentsPick Swinton at your peril A liability just like JWH from the Roosters Skelton ??? went missing at RWC
14 Go to commentsLike tennis, who have a ranking system, and I believe rugby too, just measure over each period preceding a world cup event who was the longest number one and that would be it. In tennis the number one player frequently is not the grand slam winner. I love and adore the All Blacks since the days of Ian Kirkpatrick when I was a kid in SA. And still do because they are the masters of running rugby and are gentleman on and off the field - in general. And in my opinion they have been the majority of the time the best rugby team in the world.
30 Go to commentsHaving overseas possessions in 2024 is absurd. These Frenchies should have to give the New Caledonians their freedom.
21 Go to commentsBell injured his foot didn’t he? Bring Tupou in he’ll deliver when it counts. Agree mostly but I would switch in the Reds number 8 Harry Wilson for Swinton and move Rob Valentini to 6 instead. Wilson is a clever player who reads the play, you can’t outmuscle the AB’s and Springboks, if you have any chance it’s by playing clever. Same goes for Paisami, he’s a little guy who doesn’t really trouble the likes of De Allende and Jordie Barrett. I’d rather play Carter Gordon at 12 and put Michael Lynagh’s boy at 10. That way you get a BMT type goalkicker at 10 and a playmaker at 12. Anyways, just my two cents as a Bok supporter.
14 Go to comments