The Mitre 10 Cup players most likely to become All Blacks, based solely on their name
Is is possible to sense a rugby player’s future from their name and name alone? Watch these players closely this Mitre 10 Cup season to find out.
There are 14 teams in the Mitre 10 Cup. This week, each of these teams released their squad list for the 2017 season. Each list included approximately 32 names. That means somewhere in the vicinity of 450 players are likely to take part in the Mitre 10 Cup this season. Even under the most intense of rotation policies, some of these players will not go on to play for the All Blacks.
Some of them, however, will. For the casual rugby fan, someone who knows the names of the All Blacks and around 75% of New Zealand Super Rugby players, reading these squad lists will mean seeing the names of some future All Blacks for the first time. Isn’t that exciting?
If you could travel back in time to 1995 and look at the Manawatu NPC squad list, would the name ‘Christian Cullen’ stand out? If you went back to 1994 and saw the name ‘Jonah Lomu’ in the Counties-Manukau squad, would you know this player was destined to become one of the greatest rugby players of all time? Do some names just sound like the names of All Blacks?
This is an experiment, the full results of which may not be known for another 10 years. I want to see if I can pick the future All Blacks based on name and name alone.
Do I have a sixth sense for sporting names, just as the TV character Lovejoy has for rare or valuable antiques? When Lovejoy senses the genuine article in an auction room or estate sale, he will feel a tingle down his spine, his palms will get sweaty, he will get a look in his eye. This type of person is known as a ‘divvy’.
I scrolled through the Mitre 10 Cup squad lists hoping to feel a similar sensation when I read a player’s name. If I heard the voice of Nisbo or TJ in my head, I would know for sure I had found a Chosen One.
I deliberately refrained from Googling players to find out what they look like or any other details such as their age or physical specifications. Nor did I seek any counsel from rugby experts. These are the players – one from each team – who I have divined as future All Blacks.
Am I a ‘divvy’ for future sporting superstars? Follow these players’ careers closely to find out.
Wiseguy Faiane (Auckland) Wiseguy, eh? Bet he’s never heard that one before. I sense this player operates in the back three – fast runner, good in the air, probably has a cool haircut.
Liam Steel (BoP) I sense this player wears a jersey number no lower than 4 and no higher than 8. Hopefully a lock, because ‘Steel and Retallick’ is an absolutely lethal sounding combination.
Oliver Jager (Canterbury) Every time this player makes or breaks a tackle Justin Marshall is going to scream “JAGER-BOMB!” from the back of the commentary box. This is the future. I sense him operating primarily in the number 6 jersey.
Joseph Royal (Counties-Manukau) This is a perfect name for a first five, but my overriding sense it that this player is in fact an enormous front rower. NZ Rugby will have to be careful not to get sued by WWE for use of the phrase ‘Royal Rumble’.
Mason Emerson (Hawke’s Bay) This is the name of a player who could play 50 games for the All Blacks and no one would remember what he looked like. I sense he plays in midfield and has a very low error rate.
Antonio Kiri Kiri (Manawatu) When I look at this name I hear it being said in the voice of Sumo Stevenson, followed immediately by an exclamation like “oh my word!” This augurs well. I sense this player is extraordinarily fast in his movements, probably a halfback.
Ben Volavola (North Harbour) As above, only this name I hear the voice of Grant Nisbett. There a tone of surprise in his voice bordering on incredulity, the type often heard when a front rower scores a try. I sense this player is most likely a prop.
Jack Ram (Northland) Sounds like a front row or lock, but I sense this player is in fact a utility back. I also sense this player is going to win a major international rugby award sometime within the next decade.
Gavin Stark (Otago) Nobody called Gavin has ever played for the All Blacks. I predict this player will be the first, as a fullback in the mould of Ben Smith.
Tupou Sopoaga (Southland) Presumably Lima Sopoaga’s brother, and siblings are trending in the All Blacks at the moment. Alsoo, ‘Tupou’ (Bill, Daniel, Sam Tui-) is a strong rugby/league name. It’s a no-brainer. I sense this player is a second five-eighth.
Leon Power (Taranaki) This sounds like a fake name Grant Nisbett might use to check the levels on his mic before a match. I sense this player is a flanker who will be earnestly described by at least one rugby pundit as “the second coming of Andrew Blowers.”
Pari Pari Parkinson (Tasman) Sonny Bill Williams is going to retire one day but don’t be sad, for there is an even more phonetically-pleasing name waiting in the wings. I sense this player is a very powerful number 8, and has an exceptional head of hair.
Jacob Skeen (Waikato) With a surname that could easily be turned into a verb (‘he skeened through the opposition defence’) this player has it all in front of him. I sense he is a centre who runs great angles.
Greg Foe (Wellington) They said it couldn’t be done, that there would never be a rugby player with a tougher-sounding name than Richard Loe. They were wrong. I sense a long and violent career in the All Blacks scrum for this player.
Comments on RugbyPass
He is right , the Crusaders will be a threat. Scott Barrett, ( particularly), Fergus Burke , Codie Taylor, ( from sabbatical) etc due back soon for the Crusaders. There are others like Zach Gallagher too. People can right the Crusaders off, Top 8 , here we come !!
1 Go to commentsWe will always struggle for money to match the other sides but the least the WRU can do is invest properly in Welsh rugby. Too much has been squandered on vanity projects like the hotel and roof walk amongst others which will never see a massive return. Hanging the 4 pro sides out to dry over the last decade is now coming back to bite the WRU financially as well as on the pitch. You reap what you sow.
1 Go to commentsWhat do you get if you cross a doctor with a fish? A plastic sturgeon
14 Go to commentsWhat happened to feleti Kaitu’u? Hasnt played in a while right?
1 Go to commentsGregor I just can’t agree with you. You are trying to find something that just isn’t there. Jordie Barrett has signed until 2028. By the end of that he would have spent probably 11-12 years on Super Rugby and you say he can’t possibly have one season playing somewhere else. It is absurd. What about this scenario, the NZR play hard ball and he decides to leave and play overseas. How would that affect the competition. There seems to be an agenda by certain journalists to push certain agendas and don’t like it when it’s not to their liking. I fully support the NZR on this. Gregor needs to get a life.
2 Go to commentsHope he stays as believe he can do a great job.
1 Go to commentsMake what step up? Manie has a World Cup winner’s medal around his neck and changed the way the Springboks can play. He doesn’t have anything to prove to anyone. The win record of the Boks with him in the team is tremendous. Sacha can be wonderful and I hope he has a very succesful Bok career, but comparing him to Manie in terms of the next Bok flyhalf is very strange. Manie is the incumbent (not the next) and doing pretty incredibly.
1 Go to comments00 😍 U
1 Go to commentsSabbaticals have helped keep NZ’s very best talent in the country on long term deals - this fact has been left out of this article. Much like the articles calling to allow overseas players to be selected, yet can only name one player currently not signed to NZR who would be selected for the ABs. And in the entire history of NZ players leaving to play overseas, literally only 4 or 5 have left in their prime as current ABs. (Piatau, Evans, Hayman, Mo’unga,?) Yes Carter got an injury while playing in France 16 years ago, but he also got a tournament ending injury at the 2011 World Cup while taking mid-week practice kicks at goal. Maybe Jordie gets a season-ending injury while playing in Ireland, maybe he gets one next week against the Brumbies. NZR have many shortcomings, but keeping the very best players in the country and/or available for ABs selection is not one of them. Likewise for workload management - players missing 2 games out of 14 is hardly a big deal in the grand scheme of things. Again let’s use some facts - did it stop the Crusaders winning SR so many times consecutively when during any given week they would be missing 2 of their best players? The whole idea of the sabbatical is to reward your best players who are willing to sign very long term deals with some time to do whatever they want. They are not handed out willy-nilly, and at nowhere near the levels that would somehow devalue Super Rugby. In this particular example JB is locked in with NZR for what will probably (hopefully) be the best years of his career, hard to imagine him not sticking around for a couple more after for a Lions tour and one more world cup. He has the potential to become the most capped AB of all time. A much better outcome than him leaving NZ for a minimum of 3 years at the age of 27, unlikely to ever play for the ABs again, which would be the likely alternative.
2 Go to commentsJake White talks more sense than anything I've read in the last 5 years. Hope someone's listening.
9 Go to commentsThe Springboks tried going down the road of only picking home-based players and it was an unmitigated disaster in 2016 and 2017. Picking overseas-based players has been one of the main reason the Boks have done so well since 2018, not only because of the quality Rassie could call on, but because of the knowledge and experience those players brought into camp from England, France and Japan. With some of the big names playing abroad it also gave younger players in SA the chance to break through at franchise level. Would we have seen the emergence of a Ruan Nortje if RG and Lood were still at the Bulls? Not so sure. I understand why Jake would want to block players leaving since his job depends on good results but it’s an approach that would take Bok rugby back to the bad old days and no South African wants to see that.
9 Go to commentsExeter were thumped by 38 points. And they only had to hop on a train.
39 Go to commentsI am De Groot.
1 Go to commentsHad hoped you might write an article on this game, Nick. It’s a good one. Things have not gone as smoothly for ROG since beating Leinster last year at the Aviva in the CC final. LAR had the Top 14 Final won till Raymond Rhule missed a simple tackle on the excellent Ntamack, and Toulouse reaped the rewards of just staying in the fight till the death. Then the disruption of the RWC this season. LAR have not handled that well, but they were not alone, and we saw Pau heading the Top 14 table at one stage early season. I would think one of the reasons for the poor showing would have to be that the younger players coming through, and the more mature amongst the group outside the top 25/30, are not as strong as would be hoped for. I note that Romain Sazy retired at the end of last season. He had been with LAR since 2010, and was thus one of their foundation players when they were promoted to Top 14. Records show he ended up with 336 games played with LAR. That is some experience, some rock in the team. He has been replaced for the most part by Ultan Dillane. At 30, Dillane is not young, but given the chances, he may be a fair enough replacement for Sazy. But that won’be for more than a few years. I honestly know little of the pathways into the LAR setup from within France. I did read somewhere a couple of years ago that on the way up to Top 14, the club very successfully picked up players from the academies of other French teams who were not offered places by those teams. These guys were often great signings…can’t find the article right now, so can’t name any….but the Tadgh Beirne type players. So all in all, it will be interesting to see where the replacements for all the older players come from. Only Lleyd’s and Rhule from SA currently, both backs. So maybe a few SA forwards ?? By contrast, Leinster have a pretty clear line of good players coming through in the majority of positions. Props maybe a weak spot ? And they are very fleet footed and shrewd in appointing very good coaches. Or maybe it is also true that very good coaches do very well in the Leinster setup. So, Nick, I would fully concurr that “On the evidence of Saturday’s semi-final between the two clubs, the rebuild in the Bay of Biscay is going to take longer than it is on the east coast of Ireland”
11 Go to commentsWhat was the excuse for the other knockout blowouts then? Does the result not prove the Saints were just so much better? Wise call to put your eggs in one basket when you’ve got 2 comps simultaneously finishing.
39 Go to commentsReally hope Kuruvoli and his partner rock the Canes.
1 Go to commentsI wonder what impact Samson has had on their attack, as the team seems less prone to trundle it up the middle, take the tackle and then trundle it up again. I lost faith in the coach last year as the Rebelss looked like a 2nd/3rd rate South African team. I also disliked Gordon standing back, often ignored as the forward battle went on and on. Maybe its our Aussie way of not getting off our A***’s until the enemy is at the gate.
86 Go to commentsThanks for the write up. Great to see the Rebs winning, I am a little interested in how they will go against the remaining kiwi teams, I think they’ve only played Hurricanes and Highlanders but how great to see these players performing!! I also see Parling has a job beyond June 30! A good move by RA? Also how do you fix the Rebels previously scratchy defence?
86 Go to commentsbe smart - go black
14 Go to commentsNext week the Crusaders hopefully have Scott Barrett back. Will be great to have the captain back. Hopefully he will be the All Black captain as well.
12 Go to comments